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How soon is too soon after mmc?

(14 Posts)
alisonfindlay73 Mon 20-Jul-15 11:09:48

Does anyone else after having a mc feel they have an empty feeling inside? A longing to be pregnant again. I suffered a mmc a week today and i just feel empty inside. I have read a few threads on here that soon after a mc they have fell pregnant again quite easily, i know i need to stop reading but it gives me hope. Am i the only one thinking like this or is it normal.

KittyandTeal Mon 20-Jul-15 16:49:15

Totally normal. The first few months after my tfmr I was desperate to be pregnant, I felt empty, physically and emotionally.

They do say you are a bit more fertile after a mc.

We decided not to ttc until after our due date, I now I needed time to grieve properly and being pregnant with a baby whilst it should have been dd2 didn't feel right. We lost her fairly far on at 22+2 though.

We've just started ttc again and whilst I really want another baby that burning desire to be pregnant has pretty much gone (6 months on)

Nousername2015 Mon 20-Jul-15 19:33:16

Toally agree. We started trying again after I'd had a period and were extremely lucky to catch again that cycle. I just desperately wanted to be pregnant again and out of the first trimester when my due date came around (not asking for much I know). That said, because my memories are so fresh this pregnancy has been nothing but fear and anxiety, I'd even go so far to say I'm not enjoying it. I don't know if those feelings would still be the same if we'd had waited a while.

KittyandTeal Mon 20-Jul-15 19:50:56

Tbh I think pregnancy after loss is alway anxious and stressful. We've not conceived yet and I'm already stressed knowing what can go wrong, knowing all the medical appointments I will have to have.

My counsellor said to me part of the grieving process after loosing a baby is grieving never having a 'normal' or 'enjoyable' pregnancy. We have lost our innocence over it.

I know for sure I will never truly believe I will have another live baby until someone hands me one.

It makes me really sad if I think about it too much.

As far as when to ttc, everyone's choice is different, you must decide what will w opk for you and your dh

LadybirdSpots Mon 20-Jul-15 20:58:12

I feel exactly the same. I mc last Thursday and had the surgery too on the Friday.

I am absolutely desperate to be pregnant again. But I'm also absolutely dreading it, as I know I will be a nervous wreck when I am. My baby had died at 7 weeks, and I had no idea until I was nearly 12 weeks. I really have no idea how I'll cope with another first trimester, but all I want is to be pregnant again. DP wants to wait until I've had 3 periods, but I just don't think I can wait that long!

enviousllama Mon 20-Jul-15 21:36:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolfiefan Mon 20-Jul-15 21:38:54

Totally normal. Mmc is just horrible. My first pg ended like that. Apologies if it is too soon to share this but I now have two healthy children and I never had another mmc. It's still horrid though.
Be gentle on yourself. Xx

alisonfindlay73 Tue 21-Jul-15 08:16:08

Thankyou for all the messages. I had my booking in scan at 12 weeks to be told there was no heartbeat. 2 nights before I had felt fluttering. It came as a complete shock to me and partner. I feel like time is not on my side as I am 42. I am so desperate to have that feeling again, I loved being pregnant. We have so much love to give a child. I feel lost as well as empty. It gives me some hope when I read your messages.

Tftpoo Tue 21-Jul-15 16:23:45

flowers for you OP. I felt very similar to you after a mmc at the beginning of June. It was similar in that it was found at the 12 week scan that the baby had died around 9 weeks. I was told to wait one cycle before ttc but I didn't want to wait, I just wanted to be pregnant again. For me, it felt like that was the only thing that would make me feel alright again. I am currently 6 weeks pregnant having fallen in that first cycle after mc but it is a very, very anxious time for me and my partner. I had some spotting yesterday which I know is often quite normal and nothing to worry about but of course, I am so nervous. I don't know about where you live but the EPU at my hospital are very good after mc and have booked me for a scan on Thursday. They seem to understand how anxious I am and are being really helpful. I echo what people say though about losing that sense of innocence about pregnancy, I know now how wrong it can go (and actually how commonly things do go wrong) and I don't know if I will ever be able to enjoy being pregnant. I still desperately want a baby though so I accept that I will have to go through pregnancy to get that.

alisonfindlay73 Tue 21-Jul-15 18:33:03

oh that is wonderful news Tftpoo. It is so comforting to hear your story, at least i now know that i am not completely insane for feeling the way i do! i have discussed with my partner about trying again but at the moment he feels scared that it could happen again, which is completely understandable but i feel different. I feel like i want to try straight away, i miss the feeling of being pregnant. I miss everything about it. I feel like i have been robbed of my chance to be a mummy. I know that a pregnancy can't make up for the baby we lost but i just feel like we have all this love to give a child, it's totally wasted. I just hate this empty feeling. xx

Teeteee Sun 26-Jul-15 23:02:25

Hello everyone. I'm new here just want to have some support & chat with others that have saddly been in my shoes.. I have two children girls 8 & 4. Recently wanted to try again came off my contraceptive patch in January fell pregnant in March unfortunately I had a mmc in May after an early scan (no reason for the scan just always been a paranoia) but something felt different from my first two pregnancies I literally felt nothing other than peeing on a stick daily I wouldn't of known I was pregnant..

I was 7 weeks scan showed nothing had grown just a little yolk sac confirmed my worst fears. I had a natural mc completed by 1st June AF came exactly 28 days later & we are now trying again so desperately want to be pregnant although I know I'm going to be a complete nervous worrier the next time!

Just didn't believe it would happen to me as I had perfectly healthy pregnancies births & babies I have been tracking my fertile days on a few apps now and my friend recommended using pre seed as that helped her fall pregnant in her 1st month of using it. I'm a few days post ovulation now hoping we caught this month!! According to my app I should test on 11th August if no AF! ????

hoping to hear happy endings after mmc..

Sockswasher Mon 27-Jul-15 19:15:33

Joining this thread after mmc 12+4 weeks last week.
GP refuses to send me to our local recurrent miscarriage clinic, because I'm a mother already. So I contacted a consultant privately to try to get some answers.
Really grieving and wanting to get pregnant again asap. sad

alisonfindlay73 Tue 28-Jul-15 09:47:01

Teeteee what is pre seed? xx

LikeASoulWithoutAMind Tue 28-Jul-15 10:00:45

flowers to you OP and others who have mc. It's totally normal to feel this way.

It can be helpful to wait until you've had one period, just so that you have a date to work from. Early scans can be a bit stressful if you don't know your dates and hence what you ought to be able to see. But I also know several people who didn't wait.

I had 2 mcs before I then had 3 successful pregnancies - I understand what you mean about that loss of innocence about pregnancy and early pregnancy was always an anxious time for me. But I enjoyed the later stages of my pregnancies very much.

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