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Pregnant again and feel so fucking bleak

(8 Posts)
Boysclothes Sat 11-Jul-15 16:17:54

Ectopic last summer. Self resolved but took four months of pain and bleeding. Straightforward early miscarriage in March, and before it started I stupidly felt hopeful and happy and excited when I got a BFP.

Just took a test as period hadn't arrived and it's a BFP. But I feel so bleak. I really want another baby and we've been trying for almost two years now. I haven't any symptoms, some breast soreness earlier this week but they feel better. I just feel there is something wrong with me (although I do have a 3 year old) and I can't believe I've got to go through this whole fucking thing AGAIN. All I'm thinking now is that I've got some childcare problems coming up in a few weeks and if the miscarriage is timed right I can have the time off work which will solve the childcare issue.

I just feel horrible, like waiting for the sword to drop. Last time I was obsessed with peeing on sticks to see if the line was fucking darkening. I'm a twat and I don't know what to do with myself.

3luckystars Sat 11-Jul-15 18:28:02

Ah that's terrible. I am so sorry you are going through this, I am sorry you cant enjoy being pregnant and are waiting for the axe to fall as you describe. I can understand totally your feelings as I know if i got pregnant again I would probably be the same, its hard to be positive after suffering so much hurt.

But for now you are pregnant, nothing you do or don't do is going to change the outcome, so you may as well enjoy each day if you can. You are pregnant and congratulations!

Sorry I am probably no help at all. I just want to wish you all the very best,and don't worry at all about symptoms, every pregnancy is different.

TeenageMutantNinjaTurtle Sat 11-Jul-15 18:31:25

Sounds shit op. You have been through some proper crap. Do you want to be congratulated on the bfp or would that just make it worse.

Would you qualify for an early scan due to your previous ectopic and miscarriage? Might be worth discussing with GP...

flowers

Brummiegirl15 Sun 12-Jul-15 09:38:58

Hi boys

I've had 3 mc's and I'm pregnant again for 4th time confused currently 10+4 and I absolutely feel your fear.

There is a pregnancy after mc thread you could join or you could join us on the recurrent miscarriage thread? There is currently 23 of us pregnant and we are all in it together plus 7 thread babies!!!!

Remember - every single pregnancy is a fresh start. New lining, new egg, new sperm so you've got a good chance flowers

Nectarines Sun 12-Jul-15 10:13:57

I think pregnancy loss removes the joy from subsequent early pregnancy. You lose your innocence in a way.

There won't be much anyone can say to comfort you, but this is a new pregnancy, a new egg and today you are pregnant.

It's a very tough waiting game and I empathise completely.

ChatEnOeuf Sun 12-Jul-15 15:03:29

Completely understand, but today you are pregnant, and every day that passes when that stays the case is good news.

What Nectarines says is true - once you've experienced pregnancy loss, the joy of a BFP is tainted somewhat by the knowledge of what could come. I also have a 3yr old, and have had two miscarriages and a stillbirth since. It's a horrible battle between the desire to have another and the fear of having to go through all that pain again.

You will presumably qualify for an early scan given the previous ectopic, I hope that offers some reassurance flowers

Boysclothes Sun 12-Jul-15 18:46:37

Thanks guys. I feel much happier today, you're right, I'm pregnant right now and no reason to think anything is going to go wrong! I'm so sorry to hear of those of you going through similar and worse x thanks for letting me rant here!

Line on a IC cheapie was so dark this morning it was almost black not thinking about molar pregnancy oh no sirree and I suppose that's my best sign at the moment.

Sighing Mon 13-Jul-15 11:49:01

I'm glad today is better for you. I'm 6 weeks (+) on my 4th pregnancy (all mc) with DH. The bleakness I know all too well.
Rants are always good. I rant because I've completely lost any joy in early pregnancy. It sucks and I then feel guilty that any baby deserves some excitement.
Have you contacted epu or midwife about scans or blood tests?

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