I am going through a missed miscarriage

[alisonfindlay73]

on monday 6th july my world was turned upside down. I went for booking in scan to be told the baby has died in my womb, there is no heartbeat. I am 12 weeks pregnant. Sadly the hospital cannot do anything until monday coming when i will go into hospital. What i want to ask is has anyone still felt flutterings in their stomach even though the baby has died? It is absolutely destroying me as i think it is giving me false hope. I keep thinking what if the baby hasn't died and its all been a terrible mistake! Is it normal for me to feel this way? I have no bleeding, no nothing to say i am miscarrying. Any advice please before i go insane. Thanks xx

[overthemill]

I am so sorry. Yes it's normal to feel like this, your hormones are still thinking you are pregnant and you will be all over the place. The scan showed you that your baby has died and you are desperately trying to hold onto your baby. I do understand, I really do. Hugs- but is there anyone in RL you can talk to?

[alisonfindlay73]

I have my partner but he is going through hell too so to help him i keep quiet. i know it is probably the wrong thing to do but i can't bear to watch his pain, let alone deal with mine.

[clabsyqueen]

I am not going through your pain right now but I have been there - 3 missed miscarriages. It never feels real. Just miserable. Only getting pregnant again asap helped to ease my pain. Briefly. I did manage to have a child at 39 even after all that so pain can eventually take you where you want to go. A cosmic lottery is a phrase I like to use about baby making. A terrifying cosmic lottery. Those who escape the pain do no know how lucky they are. Thinking of you.

[Pandapops8]

I am so sorry, a mmc is such a cruel way, the hormones and your body just doesn't seem to realise what's happened. I went through a mmc 6 weeks ago and only found out when I started bleeding and getting checked out that my baby had died at 8 weeks and I thought I was 11. I still had the bump, sickness and fatigue. Thinking of you at this time xxx

[lauraa4]

Hi Alison I had a mmc January last year and completely feel your pain. I didn't find out until my 12 week scan either and was utterly devastated beyond belief. I had no pain or bleeding either. I spent the following weeks trying to understand why it had happened but it's one of those things that often offers no explanation I'm afraid. Often there is something wrong with the baby and it's just not strong enough to go on. I think the worst thing was the shock of it all. For me time was the best healer and although you never truly get over it, you will learn to accept it, I promise.

[mumnosbest]

So sorry for you. I had a mmc a few years back and though you never forget it does get easier honestly. I felt exactly as you do and kept thinking maybe it was a mistake. When I went back a few days later I asked for another scan to put my mind at rest before taking any further action. It was hard but it really helped me to have it confirmed. Don't think I could have lived with the doubt xx

[JillBYeats]

This is awful. It just is - and you have to go through it. For me it helped to know others who had been through it - even though we never talked about it. The other thing that helped was that I was told it would get easier after the due date and it did. Not miraculously on the day but afterwards it stopped being so all-consuming awful.

[alisonfindlay73]

thankyou so so much for all the kind messages. tomorrow is the day i go into hospital and i am absolutely dreading the thought of it. I guess it's walking into the unknown. I've read some stories about other women who have had medical management ( i think thats what it is called). I am also concerned with what happens to the baby once he comes out ( from day one, i have felt it was a boy). I don't like the thought of him being called clinical waste! So many things are going through my head. I feel like this nightmare will never end.

[fassbendersmistress]

OP I'm so sorry to hear this. I've just been through the medical management of my miscarriage this weekend. I had a week in between scans to give things a chance and even though in my heart I knew the baby had died, I too felt flutters, was exhausted, still had small bump, which left me feeling so shocked when they finally told me on Friday. Your body just hasn't realised yet...

I found talking to and saying goodbye to my baby before the op helped me accept that once I was under anaesthetic and the medics took over, it was out of my hands but that I'd said my goodbyes. I also like to think that a part this babys soul will always be inside me and that brings some comfort. I plan to write a letter to my baby this week and tell him or her exactly how I feel and how sorry I am for them that this has happened. It feels like the best I can do.

Stay strong. Let your partner know you are there for him if he wants to talk. If you agree on one thing, it should be, be patient with and kind to one another.

[overthemill]

How are you doing?

[alisonfindlay73]

yesterday (13th July) i went to hospital. 10am i inserted the 4 tablets and waited but by 5pm still nothing so me and my partner decided we wanted to go home. By about 5.30pm i felt pain and the urge to push. At 6.05 i was sitting on the settee when my waters broke, it just gushed everywhere. I got to the bathroom and again felt i needed to push and out came the tiniest baby i have ever seen. He had arms that looked like matchsticks and these long skinny legs....presumably he would of taken after his father who is 6ft 2. Once i cleaned myself up, we decided that we would like to bury him so i found a tiny box and cut up a fluffy scarf to keep the baby wrapped up warm inside. I cleaned him up the best i could, he just looked so perfect. We are trying to think of somewhere that nobody will find him so any ideas of a place to bury him would truly be appreciated! The bleeding has been something else...all night i have been pushing out massive clots and have gone through ALOT of sanitary towels! The clots have now stopped but still heavy bleeding. My partner throughout yesterday has been my absolute rock. I feel like it's brought us closer together. We would of made wonderful parents and i take comfort knowing that in time we can hopefully try again. I feel at peace for the first time since this nightmare began. I will never forget him. and one day we will meet again.

[fisher1]

I totally feel your pain and am going through the same thing right now, I went for an early scan at 8weeks 4 days to be told that they thought it had stopped growing but there was still a flutter, so had another scan Monday only to be told it had passed away about 2 weeks ago. Like you I have had no bleeding, everything is acting as though I'm pregnant and I still feel very sick and totally wiped out.
I was told by the hosptial that I have to wait another 7 days before they can do anything about it and I'm now booked in for surgery Wednesday next week.
I really don't know how to feel - both me and my husband were so shocked! So I totally understand how you feel right now x

[alisonfindlay73]

hi again, fisher1 i totally feel your pain and i wish i could give you a hug to let you know it does get easier as each day passes. I am so glad i got to bury the baby as i think it has given me peace to finally move on, closure i guess. Don't get me wrong, i am far from over it but i take comfort in 2 things. firstly i know i will meet my baby again one day and i know he is been looked after very well up there in heaven by family and second is that i hope one day we can try again, not to replace this baby but because we have so much love to give a child. Reach out to your partner and let him know that you know the pain he is feeling right now too. Because i hadn't said anything for the first couple of days then he was sitting next to me this day and i looked at him and all i saw was a reflection of me, i felt his pain and because we let each other in, we are now so much closer even though we were very close in the first place. I promise you, you will find peace. xxxx