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Would have been his 1st birthday...feeling so incredibly sad

(4 Posts)
purpleshimmer Mon 06-Jul-15 16:26:13

We lost our son at 17 weeks last February. His due date was 12 July. To us, we condider the 1 Feb as the day we lost him. We marked it by laying flowers at the crematorium.
But we wanted to remember 12 July as his "birthday" and try and make it a happy day for the other children in honour of his memory.

Last year was the first 12 July we had, and me and my partner and the kids had a special family day and lit a candle for our baby that evening.

This year I will be alone. My partner and I split up 4 months ago.

Im still in bits about it all. I know he will be grieving the same as me and will be thinking of our baby but I'm going to be so lost without him here with us.

I'm heartbroken about the relationship and heartbroken about our son.

I don't know whether contacting him on the 12th would be a good idea. Just to say I'm thinking of him or whatever. But maybe that's the wrong thing to do?

I just wanted to post here for some support at a sad time. It's really stirred things up and I'm dreading Sunday sad.

ProbablyMe Mon 06-Jul-15 16:35:03

I'm so sorry. I have no advice to offer but I do understand a lot of your feelings. I lost my baby at 16 weeks at the end of January and I was due on 13th July and I haven't any idea how to cope with that. I don't think it will get any easier.

Are you on speaking terms with your ex? If so I think I would contact him just to recognise the day. If not then maybe not as perhaps it would hurt more if he also didn't recognise the importance of the day.

purpleshimmer Mon 06-Jul-15 17:06:59

I'm so sorry for your loss. I completely understand how you feel as that was me last year.

I'm afraid you never get over it. It's something you will always think about. No one can understand unless they've been there. But as time passes it does get easier to cope with. Hold in there. I am thinking of you. Do you have any other children? Not that having others makes it any easier. The amount of people that say " well at least you've got them"...I'm sorry but it just doesn't work like that!

No we are not on speaking terms. I found out he was seeing a young girl about 8 weeks ago and I was devastated further. We exchanged texts and he said his world had been ripped apart and he still felt the loss every day even though he had "moved on"'s a long complicated story.

The date is definitely significant to him though. He has each date tattooed on his wrists. He was just as devastated as me and in fact hasn't had any help with his grief which is why all this has happened. He's running away.

I hope your partner is there for you. I am always here to talk to if you need. Thinking of you xx

ChatEnOeuf Sun 12-Jul-15 16:03:52

Hope you're surviving today, OP. It's so hard when a relationship ends to add to the heartbreak of losing your son. If it were me, I would want to mark the day somehow with the only other person who has any idea what it was like, but I'm not your ex... flowers

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