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What to do.

(7 Posts)
zombiemeow Thu 25-Jun-15 13:55:37

Last year my precious dd was born sleeping at 32 weeks.

She was my first child so I was clueless about everything.

From 24 weeks I kept telling my midwife she wasn't moving much, she would just babble on about it being because I had an anterior placenta, listen to the hb and send me on my way. At 29 weeks I had an appt with her. I told her something wasn't right, she hardly moves at all, again I was told it was my placenta. I got on the bed to listen to hb, it took ages to find, it was high up where it hadn't been before, it sounded slow and faint, I said it didn't sound right, the reply was 'I'm the midwife, I know what I'm talking about, it's fine'.

I had a 31 week appt, when I got there a different midwife was covering for my midwife. I told her again about the movement, she explained the anterior placenta and got me on the couch to listen to hb, again it took ages, in the same place she found the noise id heard the previous appt, I said 'there it is', she said 'no that's your hb' and sent me straight to the hospital.

My worst fears were confirmed when they took me for a scan and I found out my baby had died.

I went into labor the following night, I got to the hospital where I went to labor ward. I was refused any form of pain relief for hours as I was told 'pain makes you bond with your baby'. I could hear a baby being born in the next room, it was awful. When my dd was born she was silent.

She was put in a cot and when the bereavement suite opened te next morning we were taken up.

I wasn't able to spend much time with her as she was deteriorating quickly. After a few hours I had to say goodbye to my little girl.

I had a postmortem done, I found out she had Infact died at 29 weeks.

I didn't complain as I was desperate to become pg again ASAP and was scared it would affect my care.

I had my rainbow baby in December 14.

Now this is what I wanted advice on. It began upsetting me that I did not get to spend very long with my dd. I did a great deal of research, e mailed sands, funeral directors etc and found quotes for cold cots. I was going to raise money to allow parents in the future to spend time with their babies. When I eventually got through to the bereavement suite I told them what I wanted to do, their response was 'why would you do that? We already have 4' blush

It happened a few weeks ago, but it's getting to me now that bereaved parents have probably had the same idea as me to raise money to get these cots that aren't being used. It's also broken my heart that I couldn't spend time with my dd as they were too lazy(?) to get one out.

I don't know what to do, if anything. I feel so angry but the bereavement midwife was amazing to me at the time, so I wouldn't want to get her in any trouble hmm

Maybe it will just help that I have got it all written down here hmm

KittyandTeal Thu 25-Jun-15 19:22:47

Bloody hell. I just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss, your story is horrific!

I lost our dd2 to a tfmr (T18) at 22 weeks. We got to spend a night with her and it has made a huge difference to our grief.

I have no advice but I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you have been treated like this.

bakingtins Thu 25-Jun-15 19:33:27

zombie I am so sorry that you lost your daughter. flowers Have you had any sort of debrief from the hospital? You must have a lot of questions left unanswered, not only about the cold cots, but also the events leading up to the loss of your baby and your experiences in labour. This service should be made available to anyone suffering any sort of birth trauma and would involve you going through your notes with a trained midwife. Contact PALS if it's something that might help.
It may be that the cold cots have only recently been made available, I've seen a few articles about them in the last year so you may well be right that bereaved parents have been fundraising to help others in that sad situation. I hope you can find something else to honour your daughter.

zombiemeow Thu 25-Jun-15 20:17:59

So sorry for the loss of your dd kitty, lovely you got to spend time with her though. I think the little time I got to spend with dd helped.

Baking, I had the post mortem results appointment, but I didn't take much in, I was told I would receive a letter from the consultant explaining everything but I am yet to see it. My gp has apparently chased this up and just got a copy for me, is that the same thing? I kept mentioning the midwife then but it was like they were changing the subject confused I didn't speak to anyone about the mw much as I was worried if I raised something that it would affect my care next time.

bakingtins Fri 26-Jun-15 20:11:14

I would think the only way it might affect your care would be that you'd get the royal treatment! In your shoes I'd want to know some disciplinary or retraining action had been taken against that MW.
The debrief service is called 'Birth Reflections' if you google that and your local NHS trust it should come up with what's on offer.

zombiemeow Fri 26-Jun-15 20:14:31

Do you think I have left it too late?

At the post mortem appt they said the examination showed she died between 28-29 weeks and I said 'so the midwife missed that she had died then?' And they tried to change the subject saying they didn't know when she had died.

babyangelbean20315 Sat 27-Jun-15 10:59:23

I'm so sorry for what you've been through its hard to lose any baby but your experience is just terrible, this really needs to be investigated after the amount of times u told them somethings not right and they just hushed u about it
I'm not a fan of hospitals anyway it just seems like they don't listen and think there opinions are superior to our instincts
definitely don't give up
I know it's a different topic but the other day I was reading this young girl had very rare strain of cancer and they removed it but she was reading online that it comes back almost every time but they refused to believe this told her stop researching and then sadly it came back and it was too late for them to listen

I think hospitals really need to be looked into I can't believe she told u I'm a midwife I know what I'm talking about
she needs to be fired
it's disgusting reading how they treated you I'm so sorry for everything
If u feel like u can make a change most of the time you can, people on here will support you through everything as well and always give advise
I don't actually know what sort of action you would need to take but I jus commented so you know my opinion
I think u can make an issue out of this, and if you feel strong enough to talk about it publicly then I think contacting this morning or something like that would help discuss it on a higher platform so it gets acknowledged I'm sure you are not the only person who's gone through this or something similar and it a not right that it can continue especially when our taxes pay for a service, it should be correct, not have things like this happen to peole

Sorry for ranting but I feel strongly that u can make a change for future parents and yourself

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