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returning to work after miscarriage

(11 Posts)
wlrg14 Fri 22-May-15 14:07:27

Just wanting to get some advice and see if I'm being unreasonable...

I was released from hospital yesterday morning after my miscarriage began so am on day 2, I had already told my boss yesterday that I would need at least a week. Not so much emotionally but for the physical aftermath to calm down..I was told this was fine and to take as much time as needed.

However...
Today I have had a phone call from my boss to ask me when I was planning on coming back as he has no one to cover and is in a difficult position! Expecting me back hopefully by Wednesday?! Am I being out of order by needing a little longer? I can't seem to eat or drink with out either being sick or (tmi sorry) having it come out like water the other end sad
Am waiting for my go to call in the hope they will give me a sick note.

marshmallowpies Fri 22-May-15 14:28:18

I am sure the doctors will say you need at least a weeks rest - when I had mine last year I was probably in bed or on sofa/in PJs for at least 5 days, although the actual MC happened in the middle of that period (started bleeding heavily on the Weds, actual MC was on the Saturday morning, had to be up & about by Monday lunchtime as I had to look after DD1 - my DH was not able to take any more time off work to look after both of us). I probably would have spent at least another day or two resting if I had had the chance.

Hopefully your doctor will be able to write a note to make things clear to your boss. Will you be on email at home (if your job is desk based)? You might even feel like answering work emails after a day or two just to take your mind off things, but definitely you shouldn't feel obliged to answer emails or God forbid, get dragged into phone calls if you're meant to be resting.

Sorry for your loss. Hope you have someone IRL to talk to & give you a hug. I found, at the end of that second week, going to the GP and crying it all out really helped. thanks thanks

MummyPiggy87 Fri 22-May-15 17:29:57

Your not being unreasonable at all, they shouldn't be asking you to return back to work when they want you back it should be when your ready. I hope you get the gp note, if not I really would insist your not ready yet. I hope your feeling better soon

wlrg14 Fri 22-May-15 20:19:54

Thanks all, I thought I was reasonable in just wanting a week and not to have my boss badgering me on the phone less that 24hrs into a miscarriage! hmm
Gp has signed me off with gastroenteritis, i thought it was all linked to my body going through the miscarriage but he said its not and that if also got a bug! sad
Hopefully will feel better soon! smile

marshmallowpies Fri 22-May-15 20:36:17

That's a good point, OP, your immune system will be very low so you will be vulnerable to other bugs, not to mention hormones all over the place.

I got a terrible cough when my MC happened (it was around the time when there was a big smog cloud in the south of England from Saharan dust, I could barely breathe) and then a week later I had a gum infection. I felt like my body was failing me on all sides, really shattering.

At least you can say to your boss, you wouldn't want me to give this tummy bug to anyone, and that should shut him up...

wlrg14 Fri 22-May-15 23:16:07

Yea he's not the nicest person, he's had people continue to work their shift whilst being sick hefore sad but he really shouldn't have rang me today and I'm now dreading going back, I work in a kitchen so there was no hesitation at signing me off.
I feel OK today, just dodging pregnant people and baby aisles! smile I hope it will get easier with time

Thanks for your support I honestly had to check I wasn't being out of order (hormones are obviously a little out of whack!) I know they are short staffed but I didn't exactly ask for this to happen! sad

Singsongsung Sat 23-May-15 09:30:14

I was off for two weeks after a miscarriage. There's a huge emotional rollercoaster to deal with, even if you're not experiencing any other pain. I just wasn't ready until then (and actually when I did go back it was really really hard).
Be kind to yourself (and maybe seek out another job with a better employer).

wlrg14 Sat 23-May-15 12:38:23

Thanks singsong I'm already looking for another job now! I can't work with someone so intent on alienating his workforce and his sexist attitude really grates on me! sad
I thought I felt better today so took a walk to the local corner shop.. Made me feel awful, and I may have overdone it packing for house move this morning..
I will completely consider taking more than the week if I need it, me and dp have looked at the finances today and if I need to tell my boss where to stick his job we would be OK for a few months smile I'm lucky dp has been incredibly supportive.

Singsongsung Mon 25-May-15 11:45:49

I was in a fog for months after mine. Couldn't bring myself out of it at all. It's an awful thing to go through and despite how common it is etc, when it happens to you it feels incredibly isolating.
Any employer who doesn't value his/her workforce enough to give you time to recover isn't worth your energies. You are grieving and you are allowed to. thanks

wlrg14 Mon 25-May-15 15:53:03

Thank you, I get the fog thing now. I wondered what it was as I seem to be able to think clearly at home but as soon as I'm out in places like tesco its like a fog and I can't focus on other people confused I just want to get out and home... Its strange, I feel so empty and almost emotionless half the time. I could really use my mother right about now, unfortunately thats not possible sad

Trooperslane Fri 12-Jun-15 11:49:09

You just take as long as you need.

I lost my baby at 14 weeks in April and I'm only now considering going back next week-ish.

He needs to be very careful with you op.

Pregnancy related absence is totally different to other absences. He could get himself into trouble easily.

I'm so sorry for your loss. And I'm feeling very foggy today so I can relate to what you mean.

Look after yourself. X

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