Feeling very low 2 months after mmc

(6 Posts)
SinIckAll Sun 17-May-15 15:47:42

I've posted and responded to threads on here before under a different name. Just looking for some reassurance/sympathy/support /shared experiences really. I don't feel I can relate to the repeated miscarriages thread as I've only had one pregnancy and mmc.

I found out I'd had a mmc at ten weeks on march 13th, followed by the surgery three days later. In terms of physical revovery I've been pretty lucky - no complications after surgery, normal period 5 weeks later etc. emotionally I've been up and down and seem to be getting worse... I'm in a pretty bad place at the moment. I'm really struggling with coping with hearing about other people's pregnancies, in particular some ex friends who are a similar gestation to what I should be and who are recently starting to show off their growing bumps on social media. It makes me feel sick to my stomach every time I see it...

also we are desperate to TTC again asap but I'm waiting on some gyno swab results at the moment (unrelated to the mmc) which has set us back another cycle. It was my first pregnancy, I'm in my early thirties, and terrified I'm never gonna get pregnant again or have a successful pregnancy, which I know is over dramatic at this stage but I'm just really struggling with the set backs and this seemingly never ending waiting period whilst others around me are getting excitingly more pregnant and closer to having their babies. I feel very "woe is me" at the moment and very lonely - my OH is amazing but my friends have not really been there for me at all and it's just very difficult.

is this normal to feel like this? any kind words of wisdom would be very much appreciated at this time

backtotheplanet Sun 17-May-15 19:23:34

SinIkAll, I posted a similar thread earlier this week, so I can reassure you that you are not alone in the way you are feeling. I miscarried at the end of Feb at 12 weeks and have been feeling really down about it recently. A good friend is due two weeks after my due date and I see her every week so I have a constant reminder. I too feel funny every time people talk to her about the pregnancy and I have to build myself up before asking her how it's going etc. Most of my friends don't mention my miscarriage and its like I was never pregnant, which is the hardest part of all. When I do raise it I generally get unhelpful comments like, 'just relax ans it will happen' etc I do have friends who have been through similar and they have been completely understanding and supportive but I don't see them as often unfortunately.

If it helps, I had two miscarriages before I had my DS who is 2.5 years old now. It took us a year to conceive him with the miscarriages along the way, and he is lovely and worth all the time and effort and disappointments. My recent miscarriage is an effort to have a brother or sister for him and we have been trying for over a year now. I remind myself all the time that it was worth it last time and it's worth it this time too. It doesn't make the disappointment and frustration any easier to bear and trying feels like a lifetime, but it's worth the effort in the end. When I had my DS all of the midwives and Drs looked at my records and simply said, ah, a much wanted baby. It may be a hard road, but when you get there (which you are more likely too than not) the reward will feel so sweet. I'll keep my fingers crossed that you get your much wanted baby soon. flowers

fruitlovingmonkey Mon 18-May-15 12:13:47

Sending you hugs, I am on a similar timeframe to you, had a MMC at the end of March followed by seemingly endless bleeding and I now have an ovarian cyst so I can't try again just yet. I recommend planning some non baby related things to look forward to, if possible try to have a few upcoming at all times. This has helped me, although I do still get down and worry obsessively that I might not ever have a child. As far as social media goes, you can block people on FB without them knowing and they probably won't realise if you unfollow them on Instagram too. You've got to put yourself first, your wellbeing is more important than the risk of offending them. I also have a hard time seeing other people's pregnancies and babies, unfortunately people who haven't been through mc don't seem to realise this. At least we will be more sensitive when we do get our babies.

canucks1 Mon 18-May-15 14:04:46

I know exactly how you feel and I am feeling very much the same. My friends reactions have been mixed. A friend who has a little boy cried when I told her about my miscarriage, I guess she could really relate to how it must feel. However, other friends have been more or less along the lines of "sorry hun! hope you feel better soon" kind of reaction. It's difficult because at the end of the day you'd never want anyone to know exactly how it feels because it's awful, but when they don't get it, it's a lonely place to be. One of my best friends has announced she is pregnant and it's going to be hard for me to listen to all the chat and excitement when I am still grieving. It's been a few weeks since my miscarriage now and I've noticed no one asks anymore how you are...
I feel the same about seeing pregnancy stuff on facebook, its amazing how quickly things can change and I feel my stomach drop and a lump in my throat. In all honesty, I think the only thing that will fix it for us is a healthy pregnancy. Though I agree, we will all be so much more aware and sensitive to others in the future...

SinIckAll Mon 18-May-15 21:34:08

Thanks for the words of comfort. It's so true that nobody asks how you are anymore, it makes me put pressure on myself that I should be "over it" by now, if that's what everyone else all assumes. Some friends have been very understanding, particularly the older ones / ones who have children or have had a miscarriage themselves. With others I almost feel as though they've pushed me away since I told them, as though I've done something wrong / taboo / crass by telling them. should I just have kept it to myself?? I know most of this is just probably paranoia and also just because people don't know what to say, but then also it doesn't take much to ask "how are you" or "are you ok? "I can't help but think of the old saying about how in times like these you find out who your real friends are... It's such a lonely time.

You're right that I should block myself from pregnant people on Facebook etc as it's not helping... but because I know it's there it's almost like I've become obsessed by checking it, actively looking for any updates so that I don't accidentally stumble across them when I'm not expecting it. I feel so bitter and tormented.

It's a comfort to know that others have shared the same thoughts and experiences too, although I'm truly sorry for all of you who have been through this. At least I know I'm not going crazy, that as irrational as it is it's quite normal to feel like this, and that there is hope it will get better.

My OH and I keep trying to remind ourselves that one day in the future, hopefully one day soon, we will have a baby and all of this will just be a horrible distant memory

canucks1 Wed 20-May-15 11:13:17

The pressure you mention to be "over it all" is exactly how I feel. I tried to explain this to my husband, who has been amazing, but also his understanding is also limited somehow. The other night after work I just felt low, I just felt like I need a cry to get it all out. As I wasn't 'normal' he asked me 'what's wrong with you?' as if nothing had happened. It led to a conversation where he admitted he felt 'over' the main event and was sad but ready to move on and as he feels differently to me he hadn't realised how much I was still hurting.
I feel like this is the same for my friends. I met a group of close friends for dinner after work, I was nervous, but OK. We caught up and talked plenty about peoples news (they all know about my m/c). We didn't discuss the m/c and I was in good spirits with them. WHen I got home I cried however, and I also think that when you meet friends and seem fine once, they may think you're fine all the time now and stop asking after you.

It's just hard, all of it! I wish us all peaceful thoughts and very happy futures. xxx

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