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Advice needed.

(34 Posts)
Purpleprickles Sun 17-May-15 13:54:42

Hi I've just found out that my pregnancy is a blighted ovum. We had been trying for dc2 for four years, gave up and then I got pregnant so it all feels really cruel. I had an early scan today due to a backlog at the hospital but in my heart of heart I just knew things wouldnt go smoothly though I had no symptoms of miscarriage, not bleeding etc.
I have to go back tomorrow to the EPU. The sonographer said the sizes of the sac and embryo are just under official guidelines for saying that the pregnancy has failed but she was thankfully honest and said it is highly unlikely to be good news. I know from my rough dates as well that it isn't good.
Sorry I'm waffling- in a daze really. Anyway I wanted to know what to expect. I really don't want to wait for it to naturally happen or have the tablets. I would just really like it to be removed and for this to be over. Can I push for an erpc or will they encourage me to wait? I also might have to wait until next week to have another scan to confirm but I don't see any hope or point in this (I'm aware I'm not a dr). We are supposed to be taking our son away next week for half term and I know I may sound mad but I just want to stick to our plans as he knows nothing about this. I just want things to be normal. They won't be I know but I need it.
Sorry this is garbled but I just wondered if anyone could share any advice?

Purplevicki Sun 17-May-15 14:06:58

I can't answer your questions but I just wanted to acknowledge your post.

I'm sorry to hear your news

MyNameIsSuz Sun 17-May-15 14:13:14

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Unfortunately I think they need at least a week to make sure unless they've seen a foetus big enough that it should have a heartbeat, if you see what I mean. That's what happened to me - mmc picked up at the scan at 13 weeks but only measuring 6, no way my dates could be that far out as it would have put conception after I'd taken a positive test, but I still had to wait a week to make sure. Well actually two weeks, as by my second scan hormones had caused it to grow, so had to wait the week all over again.

Talk to them about your options, but I don't think they'll do anything before a follow up scan. What they might do, however, is schedule treatment straight away - if you know what course you want to take, ask to have it the same day after your next scan. I was booked in for surgery a couple of hours after my scan.

The waiting is so horrible, perhaps going away will help take your mind off it, and you could arrange follow up for afterwards? flowers

Mostlyjustaluker Sun 17-May-15 14:21:01

NICE guidelines say they have to wait so they don't accidently abort healthly foetus. I don't know the answers but if you ring the miscarriage association they maybe able to help

Iggi999 Sun 17-May-15 14:38:15

A few things might happen if they ask you to wait for a week. Firstly, you might start to miscarry naturally, which might be over then before you are due to go away. Or, you might wait the week and then have an erpc scheduled for just after the scan - I suspect this goes into your time away. You could choose to do nothing, this might mean you don't start to miscarry until after the time away. Can you picture yourself going away in these circumstances? I understand your desire for keeping things normal for your son, but you do need some time for yourself to start to heal as well.

Purpleprickles Sun 17-May-15 15:11:09

Thanks all. I don't know what to do for the best I just feel numb. I guess tomorrow I'll have more info as today I didn't see a midwife. I have my nan's funeral on Friday too so this is a pretty crappy week all round.
I'm so sorry that you have experienced this too but thank you for sharing your experiences as it really helps. I have a mild back ache now but I don't know if I'm imagining it.

Purpleprickles Mon 18-May-15 10:24:15

Back from EPU now. As predicted I need to have another scan next week to confirm mmc. We are cancelling the holiday with some cock and bull story for our son about hotel booking mix ups. The midwife said go and come for a scan when we are back but I'd hate for things to start to happen while we were there. Thanks for advice on here x

MyNameIsSuz Mon 18-May-15 13:30:32

Sorry to hear that purple. It's so hard to feel it stretching on, and the uncertainty about whether to carry on as normal. I had that too, I didn't want to take time off work as I didn't know how long it would take, but was worried about it starting there. I'm sure you'll still have a nice week at home with your boy, are there places locally you can go for days out if nothing is happening?

Purpleprickles Mon 18-May-15 14:36:00

Thanks MyName flowers We are in South London so lots to do around us. My Mum is also going to come and stay so he will have Nanny to entertain him. I am just feeling so lucky to have him and know others aren't as lucky. I think my main feelings are anger because we had been trying for four years and I had finally reached the point of accepting it wasn't going to happen and then it did which was an utter shock but it felt like a miracle. I just think why let it happen if it isn't to be. But then life isn't always straightforward I suppose. The extra week wait does seem to add to the cruel feeling.

Thelly86 Mon 18-May-15 15:37:57

I'm really sorry to hear you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.

On the 9th May I had an early scan & was told the sac was empty & measured 5 weeks (I was meant to be nearly 9 weeks). They sent me away & i got in touch with my EPAU who booked me in for today (9 days later). I think it took so long because my first scan was private. Hopefully they'll have you moving much quicker...
Fortunately i started bleeding/cramping yesterday so I've been sent home with pain killers, i've got to go back on wednesday for more bloods to see if my preg hormones are coming down & then have a scan a week tomorrow to make sure everything has come away. If it hasn't then i'll be booked in for surgery.
I carried pads round with me in the 9 days i was waiting & put one on if i was going to be away from a loo for a while. I Broke out in spots & had typical pmt the day before the MC actually started though so there was a warning sign.
I hope you recover quickly. Be gentle on yourself. Best of luck & hopefully we'll get our babies soon. X

Purpleprickles Mon 18-May-15 21:40:39

Thelly think you and I'm so sorry you are going through this too. It is such a horrible thing to happen. I hope you aren't in too much pain. I'm thinking of you xx

Purpleprickles Mon 18-May-15 21:41:19

That should have read thank you!

HN84 Tue 19-May-15 07:04:00

Hi ladies, I am going through a similar thing but a week or so behind. We had a private scan at 9 weeks at the weekend and found an empty sac but no sign of baby. They said suspected anembryonic pregnancy (blighted ovum) but got to wait until Thursday to see EPAU which is when I guess it will be confirmed. Until then just feel like I'm sitting on a time bomb waiting to miscarry. Have had to take a few days off as work as I work 2+ hours away from home and just petrified of miscarrying in work toilets. I already feel like it's "over", not hopeful for a positive outcome and just want it to be over now so we can try again. And in the meantime scaring myself reading mums net miscarriage stories and feeling sorry for myself that we have to go through all this sad. Hope you are both doing alright x

Purpleprickles Tue 19-May-15 07:26:34

Oh HN48 I'm so sorry you are going through this too. My final scan is next Tuesday and so I totally relate to the time bomb feeling. Have you got lots of people around to support you? I'm going into work today mainly to distract myself, I'm also spending too much time googling miscarriage and getting myself worked up. At the moment though even deciding on what top to wear is too hard so I'm sat on my bed feeling useless.

HN84 Tue 19-May-15 15:28:00

Oh purpleprickles I know the feeling! I decided to work today in the end, from home thankfully and it's definitely the best thing I could have done. We have shared the news with parents and my sister who have all been great. My sister had exactly the same with her first pregnancy and how has a newborn daughter so that's giving me a lot of hope (and a lovely little one to snuggle when I'm feeling sorry for myself). What's worse is Thursday is my birthday (scan day sad) and then we have a wedding on Saturday and go on holiday on Thursday. I have precisely 4 clear days to get this sorted otherwise I have to cancel something. Hope you had a good day x

Purpleprickles Tue 19-May-15 20:14:05

Oh HN! This is such awful timing. Not that anytime would be better but it feels so unfair. It's my birthday next weds which will be the day after my second scan so a possible date for the d&c and we were supposed to be going away on Sunday as well. It's like we are in the same bloody nightmare. I really hope they are able to help you quickly. I feel like I just need this to be done so I can start to move on. I'm crossing everything for you that you get your own cuddly newborn very soon.

I'm glad you have people around you and you kept busy today. Work really helped me today, I've been there for 9yrs so was quite honest with my close colleagues and had some nice chats and cuddles.

HN84 Thu 21-May-15 21:47:58

Hi purple, scan update from me after a particularly frustrating day. EPAU were great, had a TV scan which was nowhere near as awful as expecting. They saw the same empty sac as private scan but it has started to collapse now so seems like my body might be starting to realise. Most frustrating part is, like you, I have to wait a week before they will confirm it. So instead of going on holiday next Thursday I will most likely be going back for my scan! And instead of spending the weekend on the beach I will be spending Saturday having a medically managed miscarriage. Really not what I had planned. Might miscarry naturally before Thursday so the ticking time bomb remains. Hope so much you get your ending soon!! X

Purpleprickles Fri 22-May-15 00:55:08

Oh HN a whole week longer. I really feel for you as time seems to have slowed down so much for me and I'm just waiting for Tuesday. I've been having mild cramps all day so I don't know if mine will happen before the next scan. I'm hoping that it doesn't happen yet as it is my Nan's funeral tomorrow and I'm now staying at my parents for the weekend so I can go to it. If it happens I'd rather be at home.

Can I ask have you chosen medical management or did the EPU suggest it? I think I'd prefer surgical but from a leaflet they gave me I know they prefer to avoid this if possible.

Can you delay your holiday? We managed to rearrange ours, my dh contacted the hotel and explained I had a medical issue and they were really kind and moved our booking even though we had paid the cheaper no exchange/cancellation rate. It would be nice for you to have something to look forward too after this is over as well. Is it your birthday today too? Did you have any nice parts of the day? I'm thinking of just not having mine this year!

Thelly86 Fri 22-May-15 08:41:25

Oh i'm so sorry to hear you're both in this awful limbo sad are you both finding ways to take your mind of it, even if just for a few minutes? My thoughts are with you.
I had 2 appts this week. My hcg levels have decreased by 2/3's since Monday but I am still miscarrying quite heavily. This is my 2nd MC, I had one in 2012 whilst on holiday but it was over within 5 days & I got a bfp again 6 weeks later (DS is now 2) so i'm upset that this one is taking longer & is more painful. I just want to draw a line under it & try again. It was meant to be my booking appt yesterday so I had a huge wobbly that all i've got is bleeding instead of a baby. Re-scan on Tuesday to make sure everything has come away, i'll be so upset if i've had to go through all this & have to have surgery anyway sad
We're also going away this weekend. My DH's father is dying so we can't not go. Packing a lot of pads & pain killers!
Sorry about both of your birthdays. It's a bit coincidental really though. I got the bad news scan on my birthday & then started the actual miscarriage 8 days later on my husbands birthday. Needless to say we have agreed these were the worst birthdays ever. We managed to make ourselves go out for some nice food still. Please try and do anything, no matter how small, that will make you a little bit happier or take your mind off the saddness. Xx

HN84 Fri 22-May-15 19:19:11

We do seem to have a lot in common don't we?!

Purple my birthday was good. I woke up teary but pulled myself together and then the day ended up so hectic that i didn't think too much and managed to enjoy myself at times. I agree with Thellys advice! Keep busy if you can. If they give you the surgery option on your birthday are you going to take it?

They have only offered me medical management as she said the sac (at 24.5mm) was too small for surgery. That might just be my NHS trust though. I booked in for second scan and first tablets on the same day. I have read some horrific things about medical miscarriage so hoping to miscarry naturally too. I would have chosen at ERPC without doubt if it was offered as I am really scared of miscarrying, quite frankly. Thelly I am so sad you have had to do this twice now. I am worried about it being so bad that I never want to get pregnant ever again!!

I hope the funeral goes well, and that you can enjoy your weekends away ladies. I'm off to a wedding tomorrow, armed with my miscarriage kit! Pads, Cocodemol, hot water bottle, etc. How terrible sad xx

Purpleprickles Fri 22-May-15 22:18:53

Thelly I'm really sorry you are going through this too and with birthdays and an ill FIL as well flowers

HN I feel really angry for you that you didn't get your choice. I'm thinking of you too and hope it isn't too hideous xx

Purpleprickles Tue 26-May-15 23:33:31

Hi just checking in. HN and Thelly how are you doing? I have been booked in for the procedure tomorrow. Feeling relieved and scared all at the same time. Thinking of you both lots xx

HN84 Wed 27-May-15 06:46:03

Oh purple, thank goodness, at last. Isn't your birthday today? At least it will all be over and this limbo can end. I hope they can do yours first so you have some of the afternoon out of the hospital. Wishing you the very best of luck.

Still waiting here. Currently resorting to reflexology to get this moving on it's own. Body not responding so far so looks like I'll be starting medical tomorrow. Will keep you posted and please do the same. X

HN84 Wed 27-May-15 06:48:03

And Thelly, what happened yesterday at the rescan?

Thelly86 Wed 27-May-15 07:13:40

Everything has come away on its own fortunately. It took about a week in total, 3 days of it being bad. But I've been discharged & offered an early scan for next time, if there is a next time of course. Feeling much better now it's over thank you. We're just now faced with the fear of trying again & risking another MC.
It did take my body 4-5 weeks before my body accepted nothing was growing & i don't know whether i can go through that again, the waiting is the worst part.
I hope that the medical goes as well as it can. It's not Nice & it feels terribly unfair that you have to go through that after what you have already been through, but remind yourself that it's over afterwards & you can start looking forward. Your plummeting hormones will make you feel teary too but honestly i feel an awful lot better now & i hope you will too. Stock up on co-codamol & get the hot water bottle out.
Please let me know how you are. Did you both manage to enjoy any of the weddings/birthdays/holidays?xx

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