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Missed miscarriage

(13 Posts)
Whatwillbewillbe43 Sun 10-May-15 20:14:07

Hi everyone, this is my first time on here and I'm wondering if anyone can shine any light on the following... Here's my story...
I have been trying to get pregnant for just under a year and was successful in February... This made me 12 weeks today! however 3 days ago I started to bleed some dark blood that seemed to be a bit like a discharge and I spoke to my midwife who said that unless it was red blood and equivalent to 1tea spoon that she wouldn't refer me and that I wasn't to worry about it.

My routine first scan was booked for when I am 14 weeks as they seemed to be a bit back logged at the hospital, she said I should just go to that scan as normal..
To be honest I was a bit shocked by her response, I have a 6 year old daughter and did not bleed during that pregnancy so it surprised me how normal she seemed about it (I know some people do bleed but I though that at 11weeks +3 days that it might be treated with a little more caution)
I spent the rest of the day and night just feeling that something wasn't right and I began reading stories on google etc (know I shouldn't) then I got myself REALLY upset and had to cry myself to sleep...

The bleeding continued the next morning and seemed to get lighter and then a little heavier and so on, so it felt a little misleading .. I was taking my daughter to school when I bumped into a friend who is a GP and when she asked me if I was ok (after we had dropped the kids off) I burst into tears and told her all about it... She said that if I had been under her care she would have referred me to a EArly pregnancy unit.. just to be checked out... She advised me that they do have big back logs and said that I should get a private scan if I could and to call the midwife again to advise her I was still bleeding...

I did both of the above and managed to get a private scan booked for today (Sunday) and another midwife I spoke to referred me straight away even thought the blood wasn't red she got me an appointment for next Wednesday...
I spent Friday and Saturday bursting into tears when I could without my daughter seeing... I tried really hard but they kept coming and were kind of overwhelming.
Today (Sunday) I went for the scan at my local mothercare... The unit and sonographer were lovely I felt really at ease, I explained the situation and that I'm 12 weeks
When she scanned me I could see straight away that there was pretty much nothing there at all besides the sack... She said that there was not a 12 week baby present but there is something there, she asked if she could do an internal scan and I agreed.. She scanned and said there was a 3.7mm featal pole - there were no limbs and it looked really tiny in comparison to the sack, she thinks that I may have had a missed miscarriage at 4 weeks!!! Or I have my dates wrong...
I'm 1000% sure about my dates as I was tracking everything being so desperate to conceive so I'm coming to the conclusion that this is a 'missed miscarriage'
What I can't understand is how my body has tricked me for the last 8 weeks ? It seems so cruel... I have had sickness, tender breasts, my tummy has grown and generally just felt pregnant.
I'm still just light bleeding and there are no clots or red blood... If it's took 8 weeks to get to this then how long will it take for me to pass my baby? Will the nhs help me and prescribe a drug that can help clear the womb? Or will they make me pass naturally over weeks/days/months? Or is it too small to notice if it's gone or not? What about the sack? That looked a lot bigger in comparison to my baby... I'm going back to work like normal tomorrow and hoping I don't have to go through anything like that in my cramped work toilet �� will I know when the baby is coming?
My heads just spinning..
I still have to go to my appointment at the EPU
I'm beyond devastated but seem to be holding it together better now I have the answers I desperately needed... I also would love to hear from anyone that has conceived following a miscarriage and how long it took?

Sarahj234 Sun 10-May-15 22:44:58

Sending hugs ur way. I went through a missed miscarriage myself. Had all the signs of being pregnant and went to my 12week scan to be told the same thing. I had no reason to think anything was wrong (no bleeding) so this came as a massive shock to us.
The Hospital asked me if I would like to naturally pass or they could help me by doing a d&c. As I was still in shock I needed to go home and digest with my partner what had happen so I said I'd do it naturally.
After 7/10 days and still had the signs of being pregnant I phoned the hospital and asked them to help.
I hated the feeling of being pregnant when I wasn't. I was admitted into a ward and waited a few days till they could fit me in (yes that's how the hospital put it) whilst I waited I asked for another scan to double check if they had got this wrong or I had my dates wrong. They hadn't so waited for the surgery.

We started to try again about 2 months after but took us 8 months to fall pregnant again. For the first 3/4 months we were so worked up about getting pregnant again that I think it didn't help us at all.

Thinking of you. Big hugs x

Whatwillbewillbe43 Sun 10-May-15 22:51:13

Thank you Sarah for your kind message... I must admit it was such a shock I felt and still feel pregnant so I too am thinking "have they made a mistake" it just feels so real... Then I remind myself it isn't...
Would you mind explaining to me what a d a and c is? Sorry for your loss.. Was your next pregnancy healthy? Hope so xxx all the best and thank you. Xx

AliMonkey Sun 10-May-15 22:53:37

So sorry to hear about your mmc. Mine was found following bleeding with similar pattern to yours, just three days before my 12 week scan was due and there was basically nothing left to see on scan (yet hadn't had heavy bleeding at that point) so had also happened weeks earlier. I had very heavy bleeding two days later and was taken in for D&C. For some people it is less dramatic with just flow steady bleeding. So be prepared by wearing pads and having plenty in reserve. And go to GP or A&E if you are "flooding".

I was told to wait six months before trying again - I think it is to both allow your body to recover and to allow you to grieve - and conceived immediately and went onto have my daughter - and my son two years later. I should point out though that with all three pregnancies I have got pregnant immediately - I know I am very lucky despite the mmc. So you should probably be prepared for it to take as long as it took first time around.

Be kind to yourself and allow time to grieve - you may well find that you are fine and then something innocuous will upset you.

Ahhhcantthinkofagoodname Mon 11-May-15 06:49:29

Really sorry to hear what's happened to you whatwillbe....

I also had a MMC but it was picked up at 9 weeks, baby had died at around 7 weeks. I was offered 3 options by the hospital:
1 natural management, ie you do nothing and wait for it to happen naturally
2 medical management, here you are given drugs to kickstart your body into bleeding and passing the "products of pregnancy"
3 surgical management, where you have surgery to remove all the "products of pregnancy".

For me 1 was not an option, once I knew the baby was dead I couldn't just carry on. Plus I was scared about bleeding heavily at work or something. To be honest the hosoital steered me towards 2, said with surgical management there is more chance of infection and complications and medical management is 98% effective (not true - more like 80%-90%) but actually it went ok and I personally would choose the same again (very much hoping I won't have to tho!). For me it did work quite quickly, I passed stuff within a few hours of having the drugs and then bled like a period for another 10 days. I would suggest reading up on the three options and figuring out what's best for you. I have come to realise there's no best overall option, it varies from woman to woman...

In the meantime buy some thick pads and carry them around with you just in case it does start to happen naturally.

Hopefully the EPU will refer you to the unit where they will give you the options above, at my local hospital I had my treatment at the emergency gynaecological unit after the scan revealed the MMC.

IF you do go for options 1 or 2, make sure you have a hot water bottle and lots of painkillers, the hospital gave me cocodimol which I alternted with ibuprofen, it was uncomfortable but not unbearable.

Bit of a brain dump there... I do hope you get good care and things go smoothly for you. Keep using this board, whether you need emotional support or info it will help you get through this horrible time.

AuditAngel Mon 11-May-15 06:55:21

I also suffered a MMC. My bleeding pattern was different, but I spoke to our private medical insurer and was covered for an ERPC surgically. Like you it seemed mine had happened fairly early and the consultant felt leaving things to happen naturally (in my case) was to risk an infection.saw the surgeon on a Monday, surgery Tuesday.

We were told to wait for the next period before trying again, but only so we could date a pregnancy.

Sorry to hear your news.

Yeasayer Mon 11-May-15 13:19:54

I can't really add any more to what everyone else has said, other than I'm really sorry to hear about your experience flowers. I had a MMC just over 3 wks ago and had no symptoms at all. I've also had a mc at 5 wks and bled straight away. In between both mc I had a little boy who is now 20 mths. It's not much comfort but the majority of the time it really is just 'bad luck', and like pregnancies, each miscarriage can be completely different.

I would say because your scan wasn't at the epu be prepared in case they they scan you and then ask you to come back for another scan to confirm your mc. This has been my experience for both. I'd double check with the hospital regarding what your options are although for very early losses my local epu usually encourage natural management where possible. I'd also really recommend a heat pad or hot water bottle really to help with tummy pain and some really good quality chocolate.

It's such a horrible shock and I felt exactly the same. Even after seeing the scan there's still a little hope that they'll say they've made a mistake. Look after yourself, it's a really shitty situation but you will be ok.

Whatwillbewillbe43 Mon 11-May-15 13:49:25

Thank you all for taking the time to write the replies... I went to work as normal but just felt so uncomfortable with tummy pains that I have come home now for a good old cry... I do hope they can see that if I miscarried at 4 weeks and it's took 8 weeks for any symptoms to show that my body is clearly slow at reacting so hope they help me to move on my giving me the drugs to clear...
I know it sounds awful but if this pregnancy is over, in order for me to begin accepting and get closure I need to feel like it's all gone.... Sadly :-(

Yeasayer Mon 11-May-15 14:47:57

It doesn't sound awful - I felt exactly the same and I'm sure many of the others have too.

If your tummy is really uncomfortable I'd recommend staggering paracetamol and ibuprofen to keep any discomfort at a minimal. It might be worth noting by down when you take them so you know where you are up to on doses when you attend your appointment.

You're not on your own x

Sarahj234 Mon 11-May-15 17:54:59

I took this off google for you. Rather than trying to explain myself.

Dilation and curettage (D&C) is a procedure to remove tissue from inside your uterus. Doctors perform dilation and curettage to diagnose and treat certain uterine conditions — such as heavy bleeding — or to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage or abortion.

Yes second pregnancy was healthly. When I found out I was pregnant after the MMC I asked my doctor for an early scan so I could make sure anything was ok. They scanned me at 6weeks and all was fine.

I agree that it may be worth getting more info on all three options. Everyone does feel different into how they decide on the best option for them.
All the best and sending more hugs xx

Up2nogood Tue 12-May-15 03:33:42

Whatwillbe I'm so sorry for your loss. I too was told at my dating scan today that we'd had a mmc. The fetus had got to 9 weeks. I should have been 12+6 and was using opks so certain of my dates. That's 4 weeks passed. Not as long as your experience but it's hard to comprehend why your body does not acknowledge the mc. This is my 2nd. Both identified at my dating scan. The first had gotten to 10+5. Like you I 'knew' something wasn't right with both.

My first was in 2010. I've since had DS (3.5) and dd (1.5). We got pregnant with ds immediately after the mmc, no period inbetween. The only thing that got me through the mc was these threads and the hope of being pregnant again quick. But we are all different. Some people need time and don't want to go down the route of opks and trying to control something that you can't fully control. On the flip side I needed to take as much control as I could. Take the time you need to grieve if you need to.

In terms of moving things along with my first mmc I went home and waited (complete denial about it and was conviced they were wrong). The mc started naturally after about 5-7 days. This worked well as it gave me the time I needed to accept it. But this time I opted for medical management. This was in the form of 4 Pessaries that had to be instated vaginally (you or the nurse can do this). I personally didn't not want and EPRC/d&c. But I know several people who have opted for this option as it removes the uncertainty of how long things will take. You have the surgery and its 'over'.

Choosing to take the Pessaries today, straight after finding out the news was hard but I couldn't face going back to the unit tomorrow. But I'm glad I did it. I probably took the pills at about 5.30pm. By 8 I was having moderate cramps. By the time I went to bed (11) I had traces of blood. I passed the fetus about an hour ago. The cramps have been painful but I got some cocodamol which worked great.

From my experiences I would recommend medical management. When I went home to wait for it to start naturally it was over Christmas and new year. Waiting not knowing whether to go out or go to work was very difficult. This way I'm giving my body the chance to do it naturally, with a kick start. Luckily for me it's worked.

Good luck darling. This is a terribly hard thing to go through. Be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to grieve, it's a real loss.


StephyJ Thu 21-May-15 21:29:06

I have had a missed misscarriage too and am in the process of actually miscarrying now.

I was exactly 8 weeks when I went for a private scan because I was so nervous and just wanted to know if everything was progressing.
However the baby was measured at only 2.3mm dating only just 6 weeks, there was a faint heartbeat that could be seen.The sonographers asked if I was sure about my dates and I definitely was, there was no way I could have been 6 weeks as this would mean I ovulated when I had already had a postive pregnancy test.

I was booked in for 2 weeks to see if there was any change.. Longest 2 weeks of my life especially because my boobs no longer hurt and went down in size so I was sure something was wrong.At 10 weeks the baby measured 3.5mm with no heartbeat, so died shortly after the first scan.
I phone the early pregnancy unit at my hospital and they were able to see me the next day just to confirm everything and speak about options. I am now in the process of a medically managed miscarriage.

I am devastated and also slightly embarrassed as I had told a few of my work mates, so now when I go back I am dreading them bringing up the pregnancy. However I am ready to start trying again as soon as I am well.

Good luck and lots of baby dust to you all

Whatwillbewillbe43 Tue 26-May-15 17:00:15

Hi stephyj
Our stories are actually very similar... I had my medically managed procedure on Thursday, it was an awful day I'm so glad though that it's over... Wish you all the luck in the world with conceiving again... I too told people and wish I hadn't xxx

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