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Dreading due date

(7 Posts)
Beingblonde Sun 03-May-15 15:47:51

I had a MMC at 10 weeks in November. My due date would have been the 2nd June and I was convinced I would be pregnant again by then, making it easier to cope with. I'm not pregnant.

I am so dreading the due date. It would have been such a perfect time for us to have a new baby. We have DS who is 4.5, and he would have had the whole summer to get to know his new sibling before going to school in Sept. I would have been able to spend my mat leave with the new one and be there to do the school run. Now I have to send DS to breakfast and after school club 3 days a week, which I think is tough on him, although he does 8-6 at preschool 3 days now so I know it'll probably be ok.

Every time I think of the due date I get a horrible panicky tightening in my throat and chest. Is it really pathetic to be thinking about taking that day off work? I don't even know what I would do but I'm a teacher so have nowhere to hide at work if I'm feeling fragile.

Can I ask what you've done if you've been in my position? Should I just get on with it and pull myself together? I'm so bloody sad.

Erica21 Sun 03-May-15 17:39:42

Hello beingblonde my due date for my 2nd MC is also 2nd June. My 1st MC due date was 4th Feb. My DS is 3 in June and starts school next sept. I feel everything you've said and totally understand how you feel. I found Feb 4th hideous, and I kept busy, and tried to stay strong, which was so hard. If you work, it'll keep your mind occupied and stop you over thinking things, unless you really want to mark the date, but I didn't want to by being on my own... I am now in a better place, and am very early days pg, which is great but also scary too. (Not rubbing it in of course, but just sharing my positive vibes - it will happen again for you) I slipped a disc just after my 2nd MC so waiting to ttc was agonising in so many ways, and I was in a very dark place over Xmas. Do whatever you think will help, but keep busy on the day and I will be thinking of you x

Brummiegirl15 Sun 03-May-15 18:05:28

Hi Blonde

I've had 3 mc's and totally get where you are coming from re due dates. My first was 27th Jan and my 2nd 25th March.

They were hard but actually I found the days before much much harder. The anticipation of how I'd feel.

On the day I just felt incredible sadness. I lit a candle and had a glass of wine for each and promised my babies that losing them wouldn't be in vain and that I'd never forget them.

We are just about ready to start trying again and I really really want. need to be pregnant by my 3rd due date - 7th August

Be kind to yourself

Beingblonde Sun 03-May-15 19:18:11

Thank you both for replying. I'm so sorry to hear of your losses. Erica you must be so thrilled/ nervous/ excited/ terrified to be pregnant again. I have everything crossed for you and I so hope it's a lovely healthy pregnancy.
Brummiegirl I've seen you on these threads before (I'm a bit of a lurker!) and you always have such lovely words for everyone. I really hope you have some good news before the beginning of August.
This is all so heartbreaking. I cry almost every time I'm on my own, not big sobs but I can't seem to help the tears falling. I know I will be a wreck on the 2nd June and I feel a bit silly. We've been trying for this baby for almost 18 months. We conceived DS straightaway. I am so sad that the age gap is going to be so big, maybe even getting on for 6 years at this rate. How do you know when you should just give up? But then how can you ever give up?

Brummiegirl15 Sun 03-May-15 19:39:14

You shouldn't feel silly my lovely. I still cry. Quite a lot. Often I cry in the shower when I'm by myself when I imagine I should be cradling the bump I don't have.

As for giving up. Only you know that and I suspect it's not yet. DP and I briefly mentioned it last night and we don't have any dcs at all yet so it would mean me completely giving up on being a Mum. We know in the back of our mind we will reach a point when we cannot sustain any more losses but we aren't there yet.

The thing to remember is that every single pregnancy is a fresh start. It's a new embryo, it's a new lining. It's a brand new start and totally unique from the time before. It's almost like the slate is wiped clean.

I've had all the tests, I've had a camera inside me to make sure nothing going on and there is absolutely nothing wrong with me. Everything is all clear. Which for me is bittersweet as it means there seems to be no reason. I've lost 3 babies for no fucking reason and that is hard.

But it means we've still got a chance. And I have to believe that. It's all I have, and it's all you have.

As the very lovely Professor Brosens at Coventry Hospital implantation clinic (you'll see him mentioned lots on the recurrent mc thread) the ONLY way to have a baby is to just keep trying.

So I'm hanging on to that belief and hoping it comes true.

Big hugs - take every single day at a time xx

Beingblonde Sun 03-May-15 20:34:13

It's so nice of you to take the time to post Brummiegirl. I know you're right and we have to keep trying; it's the only thing we can do.

It's this time of the month that is so hard; when you know it's all over. I will probably feel a bit more positive when it's time to try again, and when this due date has passed. I wish you all the strength and luck in the world.

SashaKerr Mon 04-May-15 20:18:20

Yeah my first due date was 14th feb, next one was 15th June and then 30 November. Have passed the feb one and now the June one is killing me as it would be great timing as DS would be 27 months. Lots of friends due around June and also November, but I keep telling myself they have their own stories and families and I have mine.

Only thing I think will help is getting pregnant again sad age gap increasing steadily hurts me too. A trip to the pub for lunch today and every family of 4 killed me...

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