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loss of one twin - emotions running ragged!

(9 Posts)
heatherxo Mon 27-Apr-15 16:26:18

Hey ladies.
So I'm 28 weeks, 1st pregnancy. I started out with identical twins but unfortunately one couldn't keep up.
I've had time to come to terms with the loss but something still get to me..
A woman said to me the other day "well at least you've still got one"... That pissed me off so fcking much! I honestly wanted to slap her
Also, I'm following some threads on the pregnancy section and I get super jealous and annoyed and angry every time I see someone has written that they are expecting twins. I know its stupid and I'm being irrational but I can't stop my emotions.
I know no one can really give me any advice on this but I just need somewhere to vent and let it all out sad

SashaKerr Mon 27-Apr-15 16:34:10

As someone who has just had 3 miscarriages in a row, but who already has a DS, I want to punch people in the head who say 'well at least you've got DS' because I want TWO thank you very much. And you're grieving loss and hopes and dreams.

But sadly they are right in a way. You didn't lose both, you lost one and you have a beautiful little baby in there. And I may have lost 3 little babies but I do have a gorgeous son and I will hopefully have another child one day. It's not as I planned and I know it's not as you did either, and you need to grieve the loss, but at the same time you do have one very happy thing and as someone who would love to be pregnant right now you're going to want to punch me in the head but I'm going to say too you should try to feel grateful you have one little one too.

smile

SashaKerr Mon 27-Apr-15 16:35:45

Also it's totally ok to feel jealous of those who have twins. I'm jealous of friends with a lovely 2 year age gap between kids - I wanted that and can't have it and nowt I can do about it. I know it's not the same but I too know I need to accept it and be grateful for what I do have.

Applecross Mon 27-Apr-15 16:44:46

I lost a twin early on at 9.5 weeks and it weighed on my mind the whole pregnancy, I kept hoping they were wrong and it was going to be ok at the next scan - you have my sympathy - not very many people know how to comfort you have to work through it in your own time. I've got a second dd now and I still wonder what the the other twin would have been like.

AlpacaMyBag Mon 27-Apr-15 16:46:18

A loss is still a loss.

People will always try to offer comforting words even when they are way off the mark. So if you can try to accept that she was trying to be nice, and try to ignore that it didn't quite work, then that would probably be the best thibg for you emotionally.
But I'm sorry for your loss. Of course it's wonderful that one of the twins is doing well, but you still lost one, and that's terribly sad (sorry for words falling short here). flowers

heatherxo Mon 27-Apr-15 17:23:12

Thanks guys.
As I said, I'm really starting to accept the fact that I'm one of the few ladies who lose one twin and I'm so grateful that I never lost both.
I guess I'll always be heartbroken over the loss as is understandable for any woman who has experienced the loss of a child.
I just needed somewhere to vent and finally let go off all these horrible emotions I've got bottled up
But yeah, thanks for the kind words x

AlpacaMyBag Wed 29-Apr-15 19:33:16

Venting is always allowed flowers

babyangelbean20315 Tue 05-May-15 12:51:27

Sorry for ur loss everyone, I don't wanna Piss u off but please feel lucky u have one still, some of us have none, no kids and no luck with the bump so please see it as a blessing, one of them wasn't going to be ok n the one that will be still is, u have someone growing inside of u n they will always be 1 half of a pair to u and ur other twin will live on, u will see it in urI other 1 and won't forget so please feel blessed instead of jealous I understand why your jealous of these people having twins but theres a whole bunch of us who r jealous of u as well....try and see the positives in the life ur carrying instead of the negative in the one u couldn't xx

babybellsmum Wed 06-May-15 15:53:44

Hi heather. I've just posted similar. Although my loss was much earlier and found out at the dating scan that one had died before I had concrete evidence I was carrying twins (but from about 4 weeks I just knew somehow so it was still a terrible shock). My head is all over the place. If you want to message me I'd love to chat. I can't seem to find much support for people in our situation as like others have said I guess we are lucky to be carrying one healthy baby (fingers, toes, everything crossed) but are also struggling with the loss of a baby sad x

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