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Medical Management - just offloading on here. Warning - graphic detail.

(16 Posts)
Nousername2015 Mon 09-Mar-15 10:21:00

I'm not really writing this for people to read, but if somebody takes any advice or comfort from my experience then that can only be a good thing. This will probably be a very long post I'm afraid.
We found out on the 3rd March that our pregnancy had ended at 9 weeks, I was supposed to be 12 weeks on the 4th March with my dating scan scheduled for the 5th. I had booked an appointment at the EPAU because I had started spotting brown blood and very small clots. I had already had a scan at 7 weeks due to red/brown spotting but a heartbeat had been found and the baby was fine and measuring to date.
This was my first pregnancy, we managed to get pregnant very quickly and were counting ourselves extremely lucky. Because everything was so new to me I did do extensive google research, especially around the time of the first episode of spotting and so I knew about missed miscarriages and desperately hoping that that would not happen to me. In the law of majorities it shouldn't have but I've now learned not to take anything for granted (not that I had done in the first place).
I had 2 scans last week, both a 'normal' ultrasound and an internal ultrasound, and the results were checked by 2 practicioners before they would confirm that the pregnancy was non-viable. The practicioner kept the screen facing her throughout the scan and gave me the option of seeing the screen or not, I chose not to. I was handled very sensitively by the unit and have no reason to query any of their practices during this time, they also made sure that we had somewhere private to wait before our follow up consultation so I didn't have to wait in the main room with the other pregnant ladies, which ironically had a lady in it who had no idea she had been pregnant and was 21 weeks along. Maybe this is the way to go to save all the worrying??
After a couple of days of letting things go I decided that I needed to finish the miscarriage as quickly as I could, as the watching and waiting at home was turning me into a wreck and things just didn't seem like they were progressing, despite the fact that the pregnancy had already been over for over 3 weeks. I went back to the EPAU the next day to talk our options through as I hadn't really taken much in in the consultation after the scan. The nurse I saw was really lovely, didn't try to rush me or imply that any of my questions were silly, and gave me time to be emotional when things were getting a bit too much. After going through the 3 options (waiting, medical, surgical), we chose medical management as I had never had a GA and didn't like the sound of surgery, and I literally hadn't slept since the scan due to paranoia of something happening at home so this seemed to offer the most advantages despite the risks. I also wanted to make sure that the sac was respectfully disposed of, as I really didn't like the thought of flushing it away (although I was prepared to do that if required) and I did not want to bury it anywhere. The next available time was Saturday 7th so I only had a couple of days to wait. So that I wouldn't be delayed with too much admin on the ward the EPAU went through the various consent forms with me and I signed them, and they also did the blood tests that were needed.
Nothing moved on naturally before the 7th which gave me some reassurance that we had chosen the right thing as I had been spotting for 6 days at that point with no cramps. I did have some concerns as to whether the pregnancy was really over, or if they had got it wrong so I called the EPAU who offered me another scan but advised this would require rearranging all of my treatment. A nurse also called me back to talk through my pregnancy notes with me and her advice reassured me that things had come to an end. I think it is normal to doubt if the pregnancy is really over if you can't see anything happening but the accuracy of the internal ultrasound coupled with the fact that the baby was measuring 3 weeks behind when previously it had been bang up to date is confirmation enough without putting myself through another scan.
I got to the ward, I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't to be put on a urology ward. I think 'urology' is an umbrella term for the ward though, it was made up mostly of private rooms so seemed to be the place that they put people for sensitive procedures.
My nurse gave me the opportunity to ask any questions before I took the tablets (misopristol) and then I took 4 misopristol orally. After about 2 hours of nothing happening I started to get some pains, nothing worse than period pain and also no bleeding but after reading the 'practicalities of miscarriage' thread on here I asked for some paracetomol so that that would kick in by the time the pain got worse. After another hour the cramping was really painful (I'm being brutally honest on here), far worse than any period pain I've had and I was given some codeine along with 2 more misopristol. I found walking around the room to be more comfortable than lying down and after about another hour I felt a sudden gush. Fortunately the bathroom was 4 steps away at most, if I'd have been at home I wouldn't have made it. I passed a lot of blood and felt something else pass which I knew inside was the sac. My husband called a nurse as I was too scared to move from the toilet in case I accidentally saw and she came and helped to remove the bedpan, making sure that I didn't see what was inside. The pain almost instantly subsided, along with bleeding (for now). The nurse came back and confirmed that I had passed the sac and did my vital signs to make sure I was ok. I was quite emotional walking up to the ward (it took a couple of attempts to get me through the door), and also when taking the first set of tablets, and also at this time having it confirmed yet again that the pregnancy was definitely at an end.
After a short while I felt another gush which is where the passing of bleeding and clots really started. I started soaking through a pad every half an hour or so. I asked the nurse if this was normal as I thought this would have come before passing the sac and I got the started 'every woman is different' reply (I've heard that a lot this week) but also that this wasn't unusual to them. A couple more hours passed and a doctor was called to check me which confirmed to me that they now thought I was losing too much blood. It was around this time that I started getting very dizzy and almost passing out. The doctor arrived and examined me internally and said that the placenta was stuck and would need to be removed manually. I agreed to have this done immediately as the only alternative would have been to go theatre which I was still against. The procedure was uncomfortable, there was a lot of blood and the room looked like a crime scene afterwards but the doctor was happy that she had removed what she needed to and that the bleeding would subside shortly. I was still almost passing out and struggling to move to the bathroom so I ended up with a cannula and plasma to help replace the blood I had lost. Things started to look up then. I spent the night in hosptial, having checks every hour so no sleep at all and came home yesterday morning.
I now have a pregnancy test to take in 3 weeks. If this shows negative then I'm fine to carry on as I was, if it is positive then I had to be scanned again at the EPAU as something will still be left behind. I'm confident that I made the right choice with medical management and would choose it again if I needed to. The complications that happened to me in hospital had every chance of happening at home, and already being in hospital meant they were dealt with quickly. I didn't want surgery because of the risks, but also the sensation of passing the sac gave me some closure that it was over. I appreciate this is not the option for everyone but I read a lot of other people's experiences on the internet while I was trying to choose and if mine gives any help to any woman going through the same thing then something good will have come of all of this.
We are hoping to try again once the time is right, the doctor at the hospital said to wait for 2-3 months but I think I will give it one period. We are just hoping for some good news soon to try to heal the wounds. According to my dates my pregnancy ended on the same day that my grandmother died, I don't know if that is something I should take comfort from or not. It's been an awful time but I can see light at the end of the tunnel.
We have chosen not to commemorate the pregnancy in a physical way by planting trees or anything but that's just our choice. I have found writing to help (why I'm here now) and I have written a letter to our first child. I don't know yet if I will keep it but I have told me husband that he is welcome to read it if he wants to. I think we have both done our grieving and now need to look to recovering and rebuilding our lives. I think at the moment he sees me as poorly and needing to heal physically as opposed to his wife, and I also see him as a man who has lost a child as opposed to my husband. The strangest feeling is that I am a mother now and I have absolutely nothing to show for it. I don't have many friends with children so I haven't told many people as I just don't think they would understand. Going out is tough, we needed to go to the supermarket to stock up on pads and things and walking in to be greeted with huge displays for mothers day almost made me turn around and walk out again. The fact that female sanitary products seem to be lumped in with baby things is also incredibly insensitive of supermarkets I think.
I am positive about the future and I see us with a baby someday. I don't want this to define who we are as a couple now or for having a child to take precedence over everything else. I worry that a new pregnancy will leave me on edge for the whole time that it lasts but I know from the past few days that there is absolutely no point in doing that. I was terrified of having a missed miscarriage when I found out what they were but I'm here now having had one so that worry only seems to have served to make my fears come true. What will be will be.
Thank you for reading, I'm sorry this has gone on for so long but I feel better having written it down.

NowImfeelingsad Mon 09-Mar-15 12:41:45

I am so sorry for your loss. The medical part sounds horrific. Look after yourself now.

ladydoc Mon 09-Mar-15 17:44:42

Sorry for your loss. I'm glad that you are feeling positive for the future. Try not to rush feeling better though. Take some time to grieve and be kind to yourself. I am about 7 weeks after my mc and still feel quite up and down. We are ttc again and I flit between feeling positive one minute and anxious the next.

I wish you all the best for the future x

patienceisvirtuous Mon 09-Mar-15 17:57:19

Sorry for your loss OP sad

I was in your boat at the end of December. I gad a mmc at nine weeks too and opted for medical management. I found it very painful. It was a hideous day if I am honest but we got through it. You have to sad

It was my second mc (I had one in May last year too) so I am struggling with the positivity but hopefully we'll get there (no dc yet, I'm 37 now).

Best of luck to you and sorry again for what you went through.

Brummiegirl15 Mon 09-Mar-15 18:33:51

I'm so sorry for your loss op. I had my 3rd mc back in January so I feel your grief and your pain.

I had surgical for both 2nd and 3rd mc's as I was really frightened about pain and passing the sac and was scared I wouldn't be able to cope. (Number 1 was natural)

Reading your account, I know that surgery for me on both occasions was absolutely the right thing to do as I needed to close my eyes and it all be over.

Every person deals with it differently.

I had my recurrent miscarriage appointment today so we are now focusing on trying again for attempt number 4 and it's truly terrifying but we have to keep going.

Look after yourself and stay positive flowers

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Mar-15 19:13:00

It's coming up to a year since my MC. Think about it every day, especially since the date is drawing near.

It may not be much of a comfort, but writing this down in so much detail will help others going through the same thing. Being prepared helps you cope so much more, I found, and reading others experiences here was like someone throwing me a lifeline when I most needed it.

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Mar-15 19:18:11

And I meant to say thanksthanks and hugs. We tried again after only one period, and the result of that is 4 weeks old and lying in my lap right now. But you do need to take the time to recover in between - I felt ready to try again but DH wasn't sure, it was a difficult decision at the time.

Nousername2015 Mon 09-Mar-15 19:23:05

Thank you, and I'm really sorry to hear about everyone else's losses. I hope my account hasn't brought back too many memories. Today has been up and down, I've managed to keep busy at home but emotions came crashing in this afternoon. Probably tmi but still passing a fair few clots which I think is to be expected for a while. Just one question though, Is it the same for in both natural and surgical management for hormones to dip a few days after? I'm worried about if/when that happens although after how I felt this afternoon I'm wondering if it's here already or if this is just the new normal for while.

Brummiegirl15 Mon 09-Mar-15 19:39:06

Yes very much so. You also cannot try again until you get a negative home pregnancy test.

I got a negative test after first mc, 2 weeks after 2nd and 3 weeks after 3rd.

You may also find your AF could be very light or heavier than normal or could take a lot longer. It's called the wtf cycle!

My hormones are still all over the place and after 3 in 10 months, it's all I think about, still every day

marshmallowpies Mon 09-Mar-15 21:08:48

The hormone crash was very obvious for me - it felt very different from how I'd been feeling before; immediately after the MC I felt a real mix of emotions, grieving for the loss of the child, sad for myself that I was going through this but relief that the worst of the physical ordeal was over, guilt at what I'd put DH through - a tangle of emotions.

Then, 3 days later the hormone crash happened and I felt completely different - not mixed feelings or mood swings, just flat, dull, deflated, grey. I felt like I couldn't lift a finger - I remember sitting in a cafe not moving for an hour, feeling like I may as well just stare at the wall.

For me, that feeling only lasted a few days, luckily, but it was miserable while it lasted.

Kasterborous Wed 11-Mar-15 23:04:12

So sorry to hear you have been through this. My first miscarriage was a natural one, I didn't know I was miscarrying until it started (I knew I was pregnant). It happened at home and is pretty much as you described. I had really horrendous cramps then lots of heavy bleeding and clots. I was sat on the loo for about four hours solid. The bleeding did lessen after that. I had a missed miscarriage with my second, I'd had a nine week scan and everything was fine then at the twelve week scan it was discovered that our baby had died just after that nine week scan. I chose the surgical management I just couldn't face that bleeding and cramping again. It was much better from a physical point of view. We went on to have a further four miscarriages (all before 12 weeks) and we went through some frankly bloody awful times emotionally with them. I found out I was pregnant for the seventh time in June 2011. I just sat and cried my eyes out for the whole day, we so desperately wanted a baby. I was paranoid every time I went to the toilet especially for the first twelve weeks. However it all went well and our daughter has just turned three. I was nearly 40 when she was born and started going through the early menopause when she was 18 months old. She really is our miracle and I'm so glad we didn't give up.

Everyone is different in In when they feel able to start trying again. Please give yourself time to grieve and accept what has happened to you. There are no right and wrong answers to how you should or shouldn't feel.

I wish you the very best of luck for the future.

Nousername2015 Sun 22-Mar-15 09:26:14

I'm not sure I would have had the strength to go through what you have been through Kaster, you sound like an incredibly strong woman.
Did a test this morning (1 week before advised) and got a negative. Obviously a negative is what I wanted as a positive would drag this whole ordeal out even longer. It did unexpectedly make me feel very sad though as I suppose it is the final sign that the pregnancy is completely over. Struggling to decide now whether to be patient and wait for AF (the sensible option) or to carry on ttc and risk confusion over dates given that I have no idea when AF may choose to turn up. I think I'll try my best to wait it out for AF.

Kasterborous Sun 22-Mar-15 23:00:02

Believe me Nousername we went through some tough times, we were just desperate and determind.

It is hard to accept that your pregnancy is finally over, you don't want to believe it is. I can't tell you what to do or how you should feel, but it might be best to wait until after your next AF. If I was in your shoes it would mess with my head too much that if I was trying to get pregnant again and my AF didn't start that I might be pregnant and not knowing how far gone I might be. We personally couldn't try again straight away as we couldn't cope with it possibly happening so soon again. But that was us it's totally different for everyone.

I wish you the very best of luck thanks

BumWad Mon 23-Mar-15 10:41:48

I am sorry for your loss op flowers

Nousername2015 Thu 09-Jul-15 12:36:19

Just wanted to update for anyone else unfortunately going through the same experience. Ive had a scan today and I am 12 weeks and 1 day in a new pregnancy. I won't lie, the past 8 weeks have been truely awful with a lot of worrying but there is hope. I'll never forget what might have been but equally i wont stop thinking about the future. Good luck to everyone trying again after mc.

Ahhhcantthinkofagoodname Sat 11-Jul-15 14:09:10

Congrats! I think I remember reading this when I had medical management for my MMC in April.

Lucky you conceiving quickly again and getting to 12 weeks! I am currently 5 weeks and v anxious about having another miscarriage. Wishing you the best for the rest of your pregnancy

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