Ridiculous hormonal responses after a miscarriage

[PassTheGinBottle]

At school drop off this morning I just (very politely) asked a mother to let me through as she was blocking the door whilst chatting. She looked at me as though I was something she'd trodden in.

I wanted to scream in her face I'VE JUST LOST A BABY YOU FUCKING PRICK MOVE OUT OF MY WAY AND DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT! I managed to hold my tongue and just walked on by

I appreciate the above is a totally irrational and unreasonable response. But my hormones clearly think otherwise. Anyone else suffered this?

[brickiemum2]

It's one of the reasons that I won't be setting foot near work until this is properly over....I couldn't trust myself not to go nuclear.

[PassTheGinBottle]

Yeah I have concerns about my reaction to people when I go back to work too.

[brickiemum2]

I work with knives...it wouldn't be a good idea

[ClaudetteWyms]

Sorry to hear you are going through this.

But yes it is perfectly normal unfortunately - hormones take a few weeks to settle fully imo (had 5 miscarriages). Physical and emotional symptoms are not nice.

A week after a miscarriage I bought some stamps and was given ones with pictures of babies on them. I properly ranted at the poor woman in the Post Office I'VE JUST LOST MY BABY WHY WOULD YOU GIVE ME STAMPS WITH BABIES ON I DON'T WANT THEM! She gave me standard stamps and looked horrified.

Don't beat yourself up, it will pass.

Re work - make sure they know what has happened and that you are likely to be delicate for a few weeks. You may be surprised how many people surface who have been through this. I returned to work after mc no.4 and my (male) Director took me into a room - I was worried I had done something wrong! He promptly burst into tears and told me his wife had just had her second mc and he understood and to take my time etc.

Hope you get back to "normal" soon

[PassTheGinBottle]

Claudette...five mcs. My heart breaks for you. You sound like an amazing woman.

Thank you for your advice. You are right about work. My boss knows what's happened but I will tell her I'm emotionally delicate and liable to hormonal outbursts

[TomCat81]

Gin, I have been feeling totally irrational too, and experienced highs and lows I haven't had before. Even on Saturday (3 weeks post-mc) the hairdresser gave me magazines with pics of two pregnant celebs on the front and I wanted to cry. I just calmly put them to the bottom of the pile. Last weekend my toddler niece fell off the sofa and banged her head and I burst into tears with panic even though she was fine. Last night dh suggested we go for a meal with his mate and pregnant girlfriend and I totally lost it - I'm not going for a meal with someone who's pregnant, what the hell are you thinking! I thought I'd be over the hormonal bit by now but apparently not.
And to add to the bit about explaining to work, my manager said all the right things when I got back and was very sympathetic but that didn't stop her piling on the work when I felt completely unable to focus. In some ways it helped me to think about other things, but I could've done without it. I would say definitely don't go back until you feel ready.

[ClaudetteWyms]

Have you had time off work OP?

I got signed off work for a week with a couple of mine, you really need that time to wallow/cry/watch Jezza Kyle etc. before you start facing people.

Recommend you get signed off for a week or two.

[PassTheGinBottle]

Tomcat it's incredible what it does to your emotions isn't it? I'm normally a very rational, sensible and calm person but now I'm anxious and just generally in a crappy mood.

I've had almost two weeks off work. Will be going back at the end of this week.

[Brummiegirl15]

3rd miscarriage here. Had 4 weeks off this time and went back last week but as I unfortunately sit opposite a pregnant colleague I fell to pieces.

Now on a phased return for 2 weeks.
I feel bitter, jealous envy whenever I look at her. Wrong I know , but I can't help it.

It's crap

[TomCat81]

It is crap, Brummie. Completely natural that you would feel that way though. I am dreading pregnancy announcements at work and from friends - one of the reasons I'm off facebook. But equally you feel rubbish about it because she also has a right to celebrate her pregnancy and we will want to do that too if we're lucky enough to get there. And I think if you appear to be ok (I'm an expert at appearing calm and positive on the surface but bubbling away underneath) then it's all too easy for people to forget you're still recovering.
I had an update from a friend with a 2-week old this morning. When I first got the news from her it was five days after my mc and I couldn't stop myself crying. Today, 2 weeks on she sent a new pic and gave me more of an update on how she's coping etc. It's hard to read but I managed. I don't know what I'll say in a reply to her. My instinct is to shout 'it isn't always that easy, you know!' and 'you have no right to complain!' but it's not her fault, and I feel guilty for feeling angry about a friend's good news.
Hugs to all, and fingers crossed for us xx

[SuperGlue]

I totally empathise with this irrational feeling. I feel on a knife edge a lot of the time and I am now almost 3mths post MMC. What has not helped though is that my sister is pregnant exactly 4 week behind what would have been my due date and my parents (mother in particular) have been spectacularly insensitive about the situation. It is like a knife in my heart ALL THE BLOODY TIME! It is my birthday today and my mum spent her call to me to wish me a happy birthday telling me how great my sister is getting on and how she has a lovely little bump at 16 weeks and i wanted to shout at her I should have one too, at 6mths as I would have been today if I had not lost my baby but I didn't. I came off the phone and had a cry instead.

It is bloody hard, that's all I know. There are some days that I pass relatively normally but there are others when I am consumed with jealous bitter rage and I feel I will never be the same again.