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Am I still grieving?

(4 Posts)
Scottysmum2008 Thu 22-Jan-15 16:04:58

I experienced a missed mc & subsequent op last year, and here I am 9 months later still feeling the effects.
We're meant to have been trying for a 2nd child for the past few months.
At times I feel hollow and empty, and just functioning. Other days I feel strong and can take on what the world is going to throw at me.
We've had some pretty rubbish stuff come to light at work which hasn't helped, and I am starting to wonder if I should give up trying for another child and go back onto taking birth control.
I am trying to shake my negativity but I'm the wrong side of 35, I can't loseany weight I've gained in the last 9 months and have even got to the stage of not being able to look at myself as I don't like what I see.
This must sound all very self pitying but I am all over the place and feel that everything is getting away from me, and I'm just not meant to have what I want.

bakingtins Thu 22-Jan-15 19:36:01

scottysmum sorry you are having a hard time. In your shoes I'd try to access some counselling to explore all those emotions before deciding whether to TTC again. I post a lot on the recurrent miscarriage thread and many of us have found it beneficial to have a break, think about something else for a while, get fitter, and recuperate emotionally. Even at the wrong side of 35 (I'm 40) you can afford a few cycles off to work out what you really want.
If you had a crystal ball and could look forward a year, how would you feel about seeing yourself with a large bump or a new baby? How would you feel if you'd decided against TTC but had made some positive changes to move forward?
I know it's really scary putting yourself back in the firing line, but your chances of success after one MC are really good (85%, exactly the same as a woman who has never been pregnant before) When your desire for another baby outweighs the fear then you are ready to go for it, if you are not there then take your time to explore all the options.

Scottysmum2008 Tue 27-Jan-15 19:40:41

Thank you bakingtins, your advice is really helpful and clearly see where I am coming from. That makes me realise that I'm not just feeling sorry for myself, but that I need to deal with the feelings I have been left with and look for help with that

bakingtins Wed 28-Jan-15 11:35:11

flowers good luck.

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