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12-19wk miscarriage labour but no baby

(5 Posts)
kateyes Wed 14-Jan-15 16:53:17

Hi recently my huaband and i lost our baby boy i was almost 20wks pregnant and xcited to see him again on scan.but sadly there was no heartbeat.my world was torn apart and my heart has been shredded.
we had set up nursery.
Its been 4 weeks to date and im still not coping.i cry when i see pregnant ladies and babies.which im seing alot of.i have good and bad days.mostly bad.
It just keeps playin over in my head.why??how??? I have had 2 healthy lil girls so why take my 1st son away.it kills me everyday thinking what if?? Has anyone else been through this.
please share how u coped.
we have funeral monday and i dont wana say goodbye.sad help!!

Iwonderif Wed 14-Jan-15 17:21:30

Huge huge condolences. So terribly sorry. My first baby a boy would have been 9 this year.

You need to be patient with yourself and acknowledge that the grief for a baby is very very different from other losses and allow yourself time. The funeral of course will be very very hard and you will feel for some time that you're totally alone. You're not alone as there is SANDS who are a terrific organisation that support anyone affected by the death of a baby.

Often we never know why these things happen but there are other mommies and daddy's out there who can relate to your feelings and thoughts.

It honestly is a terrifying time and my heart goes out to you. In time you learn to live with the fact he's not here but the wanting and wondering never fully goes. You just get better at learning how to cope.

You can survive this, I thought I never would but I managed. I think of him every single day but now with a smile and not always a tear.

kateyes Wed 14-Jan-15 19:16:47

Hi Iwonderif
thankyou so much for replying,
I am to very sorry for you're loss, and it's more reasuring hearing these words from someone who has been there themselvs
I am being hard on myself,looking at every possible reason why it could of happend- I lost a stone in weight,I had sickness, was i not carefup enough??was tgis my last chance?? I have been beating myself up terribly,and can't ealk past the nirswry without crying.or seing a pregnant women ans thinking what if??
I know its only been a month,
but I hope 1 day my pain will heal and i can have as much strength as you have gained.

Its ok for others to say 'it will heal in time'
or - least you still have your girls!
but no other children can replace 1 weve lost.did you go on to have any more??
how did you cope??

I have so many things wizzing round my head.

thankyou again for ur kind words.
x

Iwonderif Sun 18-Jan-15 18:55:29

Hi. Sorry for late reply.

I could have done things better looking back. I should have talked more about what had happened to me. I should have let go and allowed myself more time to grieve and even though I accepted my loss as soon as I was told I couldn't wait to be further away from it. But looking back how I did cope was right for me at the time it's only on reflection and what I've learned over the years that I know I could have been gentler on myself.

We have gone on to have 2 more children.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow. Be gentle on yourself. Xxx

kateyes Sun 18-Jan-15 19:34:06

Hello iwonderif
Thankyou so much for keeping intouch,
it inspires me listen to others who have been through this and came out strong.
and i think that's what I'm looking for ways to cope.
but we all deal with it in our own way.
I have had good/ bad days mainly bad this week not 1 day goes by at the moment were i dont cry.
but tomorrow is going to be the hardest.
but hope to find peace with myself when i lay my babey to rest.
Its reasuring hearing you went on to have more children,as eventually 1 day i would like to try again.but no matter how many children id go on to have my 3rd will be my angel baby.

Thankyou so much again for sharing your story and guiding me.

Xxflowers

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