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Not again :-(

(8 Posts)
lexi12 Fri 09-Jan-15 01:15:24

Hi, my story is quite long but I need to share it. I feel stupid and irresponsible right now.

My hubby and I finally decided to try for our first back in 2012. My pregnancy was not a great one and I was in and out of hospital with bleeding throughout. But in feb 2013 I had my gorgeous little bundle. Then summer last year we decided to try for a bro or sis for my daughter. First month we conceived. We were over the moon. Once again I had bleeding at the start but didn't panic because this happened last time. I had a few scans as had a couple of scares but baby was growing. We last saw it on the 11th nov. Heartbeat, kicking away. A perfect baby. I was over 11 weeks so we thought great we can relax a bit (even though I'd had the scan due to loosing a very big clot). On the 14th I started contractions and had my baby. No one could and still hasn't explained why. I bled for 4 weeks before I was scaned and found I still had 'products' retained so that eve I had an erpc. I continued bleeding for 2 more weeks. Meanwhile my hubby had moved on and was eager to try again. I wasn't. Needless to say we went away to try to escape all my pregnant friends and sil and we had an accident. Although this time I started to bleed from the moment it was concieved and didn't stop for 4 weeks. By this time blood tests had prooved that I had lost another baby. But this time probably due to the fact that my body wasn't ready. This had a toll on my mental health and my doc is trying to get me on pills (I won't do it). I got my hubby to agree to wait to let my body heal a bit after 2 in a row. I am now waiting on my period which by my calculations is 3 days late. I have been spotting (similar to the start of my pregnancy with my daughter) and took a test this morning which showed an incredibly faint positive (so faint I'm not sure if I was making it up). We weren't careful 1 day last month but we were hoping my ovulation had been and gone and it was xmas. I'm terrified. But have had all my early pregnancy symptoms (sore boobs, sickness, increased weeing and irrational hatred towards my hubby, strange I know but this is how I get from 3ish weeks and after having it 3 times for 3 pregnancys I think I know it now :-( )

I don't know what I'm hoping for posting here but I'm so scared and don't know what to do. I don't know if I can handle a 3rd mc. Not 3 consecutive pregnancies all ending horribly. I can't believe its 3 in a row. I wanted a break. :-(

bakingtins Fri 09-Jan-15 13:12:12

Have you had a negative test since your most recent MC? A faint positive could either be a new pregnancy or left over hormone, though if you recognise the signs I guess more likely a new pregnancy. It's quite a roller coaster ride you've been on and you must be anxious. There is lots of support on the pregnancy after miscarriage threads on the pregnancy board. Good luck, hope you have a happy, healthy and uneventful 8 months.

lexi12 Fri 09-Jan-15 16:35:15

3 weeks after my blood test that confirmed I'd lost the 2nd baby I did a test to make sure. It was def neg. Did another under hubbys orders this morning, although faint still we could see a positive. Really don't feel ready for this.
Thank you. I really hope its uneventful and I get a pregnancy where I'm not back for bleeding every other week.

CommanderShepard Sat 10-Jan-15 14:01:35

Big hugs to you. I am in a not dissimilar position: I had a miscarriage last month at around 6 weeks (well, a Pregnancy in Unknown Location, specificially, but easiest to say MC) and I've been feeling like hammered shit all week. DH and I weren't really trying this month although we did have an awful lot of 'yay Christmas' sex. Took a test last night and boom, absolutely no doubt it was a BFP.

I feel really sick and wiped out but also absolutely cacking it that this one won't make it either. DH says I was like this with DD (born May 2012) so that's hopeful, probably, but I swing between thinking 'this is a brand new pregnancy and deserves to be treated positively' and 'oh god it's going to happen again and I don't think I can cope and what if it's an even later loss this time oh god'.

Just message me if ever you want to talk it through. I wish you a thoroughly boring pregnancy flowers

CommanderShepard Sat 10-Jan-15 14:03:03

(Please excuse my language! It's atrocious! shock )

lexi12 Mon 12-Jan-15 00:24:46

Nope. Bad news here. Started to bleed heavily with faint bfp. Feel like it will never, ever end. Fuck life.

Levismum Mon 12-Jan-15 00:31:39

flowers just to let you know your not on your own. Take care... x

stickingpoint2 Mon 12-Jan-15 17:06:45

That's a horrid string of events. So sorry for your losses.

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