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WHEN will it get easier?!

(3 Posts)
butterflyFairy1 Mon 05-Jan-15 01:57:35

Hi all.

I miscarried 14 weeks ago at 11 weeks - I should be 25 weeks pregnant now.

My question is, when will this get easier? It seems as every day that passes it gets harder. Thinking what could've been - what should've been. My best friend is 18 weeks pregnant, she's just started to feel the baby move and I can't help but feel angry and jealous. I should be in the same situation, I should be going through what she's going through, too. I don't feel as though I can talk to family/friends about it as they see me to be "over it".

I long to have my baby in my arms, my heart breaks every day. It was my first pregnancy. My partner and I are unable to try again until the end of this year, due to him not being around for unseen circumstances.

It's so hard and I don't know what to do with myself sad

Thank you in advanced. X

bakingtins Mon 05-Jan-15 13:07:49

Hi butterfly I'm so sorry you are struggling. Your question is a bit of a "piece of string" one, I think the answer is it's different for everyone. IME I didn't feel significantly better until past the EDD, other people find only a new pregnancy sets things to rights. The jealousy and anger is a completely normal reaction, and it's very hurtful when everyone else moves on and forgets and you are still grieving. Is there a local support group (ask the Miscarriage Association if you don't know) or could you have some counselling? Having a safe space to talk about it helps to process your feelings. flowers

waitingfor3 Wed 07-Jan-15 17:03:32

I've had two miscarriages (last year) the first emotionally is the one still with me (negatively). I don't know when the feelings got easier though. They did (but odd unexpected things throw me).
Grief is very personal, and it is difficult when you feel constrained discussing it with friends and family.
Acknowledging your feelings (even just to yourself) can really help. It might be easier through a group/ counselling/ writing for you.
I did find the internet useful for expressing my feelings (because I am not bound by what I ought to say/ feel by now nor has anyone on the internet told me 'stop dwelling on it').
Accepting that emotions do come up and letting those be what they are has helped me.
With your partner being away please seek out some solid RL confidant who can listen without judgement as shared looks or chats with DH when someone/ something has exposed that raw nerve have been invaluable.

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