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Will I ever feel better about this?

(3 Posts)
Itscurtainsforyou Sat 03-Jan-15 18:51:50

I have lost 4 pregnancies in 2 years. One a late term loss (twins) about 18 months ago.

I've gone through the stage where everyone I know is pregnant and, I thought, come out the other side. I've been to SANDS groups, talked things through. I know that there is no baby quota where if someone has a baby it means that I can't. I thought I was dealing with everything.

But recently I feel dragged down by it all again. I feel that there are so many people I know/friends of friends who are having their umpteenth child or having twins (which I find more difficult to deal with). I feel a general level of anger and irritation at baby group friends (I have a 4 year old) going on about their pregnancies (I know they're not really going on about it, it just feels like it).

I think I just feel generally let down by life. I don't feel depressed, I very much appreciate having my 4 year old, but I feel like I can't shake off this low level anger about our losses.

I've had tests done, which have highlighted issues but none which are likely to be linked to the losses.

I wish I could snap out of it (or, have a healthy baby!)

bakingtins Sat 03-Jan-15 22:27:49

I'm not surprised you feel let down and angry - it's more crap than anyone should have to deal with. If I'm honest, I have only felt better about my 4 losses since I had a successful pregnancy, and even then I think I've just buried some of the feelings. Something recently triggered a reaction and I was surprised by how intense it still was (4th loss was 18m ago)
Have you been offered any counselling? Your response doesn't seem disproportionate at all but it might help you deal with the negative feelings. Several of the women on the recurrent miscarriage thread have found it helpful, they might be able to recommend someone.

Itscurtainsforyou Tue 06-Jan-15 01:45:19

Thank you smile
I'm feeling a bit better today.
I'm worried that if I don't have another baby I'm going to have these feelings forever...
I'm not sure about counselling tbh - I feel like I've done enough thinking/talking about it to last me a lifetime - it just seems to hit when I'm not expecting it hmm

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