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Missed miscarriage

(8 Posts)
Emmajane1978 Wed 31-Dec-14 14:46:14

I should be 8 weeks and 2 days today but a scan 2 days ago showed baby is measuring 5-6 weeks and today I'm bleeding,I have a scan at the epau on Friday but I'm in bits,I want this baby so badly and I can't let go of the thought that maybe it's still there

HoggleHoggle Wed 31-Dec-14 14:49:17

I'm so sorry. Sending you lots of brew and cake.

I hope all works out for you. I did have bleeding (light) in my pregnancy and all was fine but it depends on the amount I guess. Did the MW give you a steer on which way it would likely go given the measurements?

I hope you're ok.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Wed 31-Dec-14 16:35:28

I'm so sorry. I have been there about a month ago. My scan at 9 weeks measured only 6. I miscarried 2 weeks later. The waiting was horrible. Are you waiting for a rescan?
If this is indeed a mc, just remember it wasn't anything you did and you couldn't have done anything to change it. These things are usually inevitable and out of our control. You will be ok. But it fucking sucks, especially if you have to spend time in limbo. I'm thinking of you.

Racheleve2303 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:45:38

I am experiencing the same. I have waited until later in life to start a family and was delighted to find myself pregnant. I attended the epi as a precaution as I experienced a little bleeding after sex with my partner I honestly expected everything to be ok. So was twice as shocked to find out things were not. Like you I was 9 weeks and was told it's growth was that of about 6 weeks and no heatbeat could be found. I have to return in a week to confirm there is still no hearybeat before they will do anything. And I feel totally lost. I am still experiencing minor bleeding but nothing major. I have mild period pains and I just want it over one way of the other so I can move on. The more I read the scareder I get. If i miscarry naturally will it be enuff. Do I need sugary still. Nothing seems real or right. I can't explain how I feel I think I have gone into denial. I feel very unsupported by the health service tho that's for sure. And I can't believe how common this all is its scary. How many times do u go through this before it breaks u?

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Wed 07-Jan-15 22:20:49

Hi rachel. Sorry to hear you are going through this. I have been where you are right now and it will be ok.
It is difficult to say what you should expect to happen. I would recommend looking at the Miscarriage Association online as they have done really good information about the different ways to manage a miscarriage. Once miscarriage has been confirmed at your next scan, they will most likely recommend natural management (sometimes called expectant management) which just means waiting for your body to miscarry naturally. This can be really hard as you might have to wait days or weeks. I did miscarry naturally about two weeks after my first scan. I won't go into detail now about that experience because you might not want to hear the details. If you do want to prepare yourself by hearing the details, I am more than happy to share- I just don't want to force a graphic description on you.
If you do miscarry naturally, it might be enough or there could be retained tissue and you would need further treatment. Same with medical management which they might also day is an option. I have never had this but it involves giving a drug which prompts your uterus to contract and expel the contents.
The other option is surgical management but in my experience they are often very reluctant to recommend this. I had this after having retained products from natural management. The surgical procedure was fine and has the added benefit of being over quickly. It's physically less traumatic too.

I really feel for you- it is so awful being in limbo. Try and keep busy this week- just watch shit telly, play Candy Crush. Whatever gets you through. Have a think about the medical options you might be offered and whether you'd rather leave your body to do its thing naturally or whether you just need it to be over with asap. Take time off work and just live in your little bubble away from the world for a while. You can rejoin the rest of the world when you are ready.
Like I said, I'm happy to give you more details about my experience if you wish. I found out helpful to read the stories of others to help me prepare as it made me less scared to know how much I might bleed or hurt etc- but not everyone feels that way.

Brummiegirl15 Wed 07-Jan-15 22:32:45

Hi Rachel and Emma I'm so sorry you are both here . Like Guy I'm currently going through this on my 3rd miscarriage.

I had a scan at. 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat , 2 weeks later on NYE had a follow up scan and the baby had died .

I'm now recovering from my 2nd surgical procedure. My first mc was at 5 weeks and I miscarried naturally. Both 2nd & 3rd mc's I miscarried at 9 weeks.

As Guy said there are 3 options. I've always chosen not to have medical management preferring to have surgery. It's very quick, and afterwards the recovery is quick. But surgery and General anaesthetic isn't for everyone.

My advice is, be kind to yourselves, rest lots and grieve for your baby. Don't listen to anyone who says "it wasn't meant to be" or "you can try again" "it's a bunch of cells".
Cuddle your DP/DH. Keep warm, lots of sanitary pads . Don't be scared to take time off work as miscarriage is counted as pregnancy related so cannot be counted against normal sick leave.

Use mumsnet. There is a wonderful thread called "TTC after mc - the best shit place to be" in conception.

This thread and these ladies have been a lifeline to me in my darkest days and still continue to be. There are ladies on there that have been with me on my journey since miscarriage number 1 and they are amazing.

Hugs to you both and take your time xx

TomCat81 Thu 08-Jan-15 09:16:54

Hi Rachel - i'm going through the same right now. I went for my '12 week' scan last Friday but they only found an empty sac measuring 6 weeks. They decided to treat it as an early pregnancy as I hadn't had any bleeding at that point, so they booked me a 2nd scan for tomorrow. I know they have to make sure but I've got no hope - I know my dates aren't that far out and I know this is a missed miscarriage. I was devastated last weekend, having never grieved for anyone close I'd never experienced anything like it. I'm starting to come to terms with it now but I've also just started bleeding for the first time since early October, so I know it's on its way.
I've spent a LOT of time on Mumsnet this week and everyone is so supportive. It's been a real comfort to read others' experiences and know that you are by no means alone in this. It's also been really useful to hear various experiences of medical versus surgical management and even though everyone's had a different experience, I feel better prepared for what's to come now. Meanwhile I haven't been to work and have been doing a minimal amount at home, but I feel like I'm allowed to hide from the world for a bit. It's a really shit time, but I'm just trying to look to a point in the future (maybe in just a few weeks) where we can put this behind us and think about trying again. It's my first (sounds like it's yours too?) so even though I'm scared of it happening again, at least we still have that hope that one day things will work out for us.
Something that's helpful to me too is knowing that at 6 weeks there isn't a baby yet, there has never been a heartbeat so I don't feel like I'm losing a baby, but all the hope and dreams that were tied up with it. We're all different and this might not be helpful to you, but you have to find your own way of dealing with it - and whatever works for you is ok.
Thinking of you x

Racheleve2303 Fri 09-Jan-15 09:31:04

Thank u all so much for your responses. It's so reassuring to know you are not alone but even scarier to know how widespread a problem this is. I am in my later years anyway at nearly 41 and I don't know if I can go through this again and again and a lot of others seem to. I feel very angry at the world right now for lots of reasons. But mainly after a really long struggle I finally found a bit of happiness and now it seems to be going wrong in a big way. How do u come through this and try again given the odds that u are likely to find yourself in the same position several months down the line. I feel like I am being dramatic. But is life really that cruel. Is there anything that can make the odds better.
This baby was wanted so much I can not tell u and I still can not let go. Deeply struggling with it all xxx

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