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Feeling quite blue today

(8 Posts)
snowface Sun 21-Dec-14 18:28:46

I'm sorry for everyone that is on this forum and has been going through a mc.
I have been going through a mc too for 4 weeks now and feeling pretty sad today. One of my only friends who knew about the pregnancy and miscarriage, poked my belly today because it still hasn't really gone down, and then said, oh sorry, I forgot. and then I keep thinking about this moment that happened the other day.
It was so beautiful but so heartbreaking for me at the same time. As I walked out of the gynocology dept, a man came running up the stairs into the hallway, and out of the opposite door, a trolley was wheeled out with twins who had just been born. The guy running was the father (I assume) and he broke down as he saw his babies for the first time. I felt so emotional witnessing this moment, a life changing moment for this man that he will remember forever. It really got to me, as soon as I walked through the door, I broke down and it still makes me well up when I think about it.
Since our mc, my partner has got cold feet about ttc again, and I guess seeing this felt like something that I may never experience.
I hope this doesn't upset anyone, that isn't the intention, just don't know who else to talk to at the moment.
thanks for reading, love and thoughts to all who are suffering through this at the moment. flowers

Shockingundercrackers Sun 21-Dec-14 18:38:46

Oh snowface your post made me cry. My MCs were years ago but I remember that feeling so well - like your outer protective shield has been stripped away and emotion is just too raw. It's especially hard at this time of year isn't it? Please give yourself a massive hug from someone who has been there and know that when I'm putting my baby to bed tonight (yes, I had a real live baby of my own eventually) there will be a steanger thinking of you and making a huge wish.

Give your partner time. This is hard. Be kind to yourself now and please, don't give up hope flowers

snowface Sun 21-Dec-14 18:54:13

thank you so much for the thoughts and wishes flowers and I am sorry to have made you cry. It's lovely to hear you have a baby and I am sorry that you had to suffer this too. Thanks again x

butterfly86 Sun 21-Dec-14 19:13:08

Snowface sorry for your loss it's hard at anytime but especially around christmas, I had 4 miscarriages and the 3rd one happened on christmas day 2 years ago. When you are going through a mc everywhere you look there are babies or people you know are getting pregnant and you think it will never be you I felt like that, I got there in the end though and have a 6 month old dd, when we walked along the corridor to bring her home I cried all the way I never thought we would have our own baby to take home. Try and keep positive and give yourselves time to come to come to terms with your loss I'm sure your partner will come round in time. Take care of yourself x

cruikshank Sun 21-Dec-14 19:31:42

Snowface, I'm so sorry that you've experienced this. It is heart-breaking and you are still in the very early stages so everything is still raw. Grief doesn't have a timetable but believe me it does get better and you will get through it. You will do it in your own time though, as will your partner. After both of my miscarriages it seemed like the whole damn world was pregnant and having babies and that was quite without the scene that you saw the other day - I would have felt absolutely the same as you did in that situation. It is so so hard. Does it help for you to know that you are not alone? I mean, to know that a lot of women go through it, and that it is a part of life for many of us. Not a nice part, and not an easy part, but part of our human experience. We are the custodians of life, which is a wonderful privilege, but what that comes the risk of the kind of huge pain you are feeling right now. Sorry if that was spoken out of turn, and wishing you all strength and gentle healing.

Shockingundercrackers Sun 21-Dec-14 20:13:57

It's good to cry! Really. What happened to me is part of me, part of our family story. It's good to remember and yes yes to everything cruikshank says.

You will find your peace. Soon, I hope but be gentle with yourself, it takes time x

snowface Sun 21-Dec-14 20:43:05

thank you so much for your supportive and kind words to all of you.

I am not sure if it is comfort that I feel that I am not alone, but I certainly feel a deep compassion to all of you, and to all ladies (and partners) that have been through this and in a sense, there is some appreciation that I now understand what it feels like to suffer this loss and witness the pain.
I don't doubt that I/we will all get through the hard times, but it is difficult, especially as, I don't know about you ladies, but for me it feels so secretive. Hardly anyone I know knows, not even my family, just a few close friends. It makes me wonder how many people I know who have been through this without being able to talk about it. When I see a family now, I can't help but wonder what they have been through to get there. It has taken so long for us to get to the stage where we decided to even ttc, and then to finally fall pregnant, and I thought, naively, that once we'd made the decision to have a baby that's the hard bit! but obviously, for a lot of people it doesn't work that way!
It has been helpful to be able to speak my mind on here so thank you again xxx

cruikshank Sun 21-Dec-14 22:19:48

snowface, very few people know about the babies I lost and I agree that makes it harder but at the time I lost them I didn't really feel up to rocking the boat of silence and now as the years have gone by there are fewer and fewer opportunities to bring them out of the shadows - not least because it would lead to awkwardness and perhaps even people feeling hurt that I didn't confide in them.

I do things to remember them, small things, things that nobody else would know about, and I don't explain them. So while at the time, not talking made it more difficult - certainly when I was in the thick of grief and confusion, it made me feel very isolated - but actually now the fact that few people know about them makes it easier for me to have my own private thoughts and rituals and feel that they are just my babies and that I don't have to go through the whole process of raking through what I'm doing with other people.

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