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Two MCs - how long to wait before trying again? How to relax and live your life?

(10 Posts)
SashaKerr Sat 13-Dec-14 09:41:06

Two MCs in the space of 5 months and I'm fed up, aware of the passing of time, and generally feel the world is an unfair and cruel place.

Both I'm having ERPCs and this time they suggest I wait 2 cycles before trying again. I think they are right as I'm not sure I was completely ready last time but I was in just such a rush.

I know it's not proven but I wonder if the stress and anxiety and the pressure of constantly checking due dates and worrying about ovulation and panicking about age gaps is actually counter productive. If I were to chill out a bit might it help me?

Is there any way I can try to switch off from this constant obsession with having a sibling for my son?

42notTrendy Sat 13-Dec-14 09:54:58

I'm so sorry you have been through this. I was told to wait 6 months and totally understand that desperate need to get pregnant. I did wait and it took, in total, 8 months before I became pregnant. Am I glad I waited? Yes, because I now have DS who I am not ashamed to say is my PFB and my shining light! But, at the time, I wish I had asked more questions to find out exactly why I had to wait, as I suspect it was a quick, blanket answer and I do wonder if all had been well had we just waited a month.

Got99problems Sat 13-Dec-14 10:02:56

Sorry you're in this position. I'm currently waiting to see specialists after my 4th MC, so have not been TTC since last MC in Sept (the longest I've not been trying/ pregnancy/ miscarrying in 18 months). Actually it now feels like quite a nice "lull", especially with christmas coming up, and also now my hormones have settled down so I feel half sane.
I have a DS too and to begin with really worried about the age gap/ him being an only... my way of dealing with this is to really focus on the negatives of a smaller age-gap/ siblings. Eg when I'm with friends who have two I focus more on the never ending demands they face rather than the odd moment when the two are playing together happily! Ultimately I would love DS to have a sibling but if it doesn't happen I know he'll be fine - some research shows that onlies are actually more confident/ have higher self esteem. And the bigger the age gap the more DS can be involved in the baby, and the longer he'll have had his needs put first! For instance he started school in Sept, and we've been able to go to all school events, take him to panto this year, etc, etc, without figuring out how to juggle it with a newborn.
Hope this helps, ultimately its a shitty time and all you can do is get through it a day at a time in whatever way you can flowers

SashaKerr Sat 13-Dec-14 14:16:55

Thanks 99. That has helped enormously. I hope I can enjoy the lull too (my last pregnancy may be molar so may be a while). I've been 7 months of trying getting preg and miscarrying and already don't know how much more I can take!

Had coffee with a friend whose 3 kids are 3 years apart each and she was telling me what a good age gap that is. I know there are positives (financial for one) so just have to think of that.

I'm also fat and knackered after 2 failed pregnancies so would like to do some running and yoga and try to make myself look a little less rough! X

Got99problems Sun 14-Dec-14 10:29:32

Glad I could help! I've managed to lose a bit of weight in the last couple of months (although its all going to pot now Christmas has started!) and feel a lot more in control of my life/ diet/ emotions than I have in the last 18 months. Running and yoga sound like a fab idea grin

Erica21 Tue 16-Dec-14 22:09:31

Hey Sasha, your post really hit home with me, I have had 2 MCs in 3 months, the first at 12 weeks, the 2nd at 9 weeks with a haematoma. I am totally in limbo with how long to wait, my period came back 5 weeks after my ERPC although I've since had an infection, then side effects from antibiotics and now horrendous sciatic nerve issues but that's not MC related... Needless to say I am ready for 2014 to be over. I am fat and knackered too, and have lost a few pounds on the fasting 5:2 diet, ready to put it all back on at Christmas. I am obsessing over the much bigger age gap from DS who is now 2.5, and am dreading Feb 4th coming round as that's my first due date. 6 weeks post 2nd MC and am now a hormonal wreck and crying at everything. It's all compounded by 3 friends texting me to tell me they are expecting their 2nd (and 3rd) children, and it feels like a kick in the gut. I was told to wait 3 months before trying again although it feels like forever. i am sorry I can't offer any advice about being distracted, more an 'getting it off my chest' and hand holding post... To be honest, I'm never going to be able to conceive if I can barely stand up from sciatic pain but hey ho, I guess that's natures birth control wink sending big hugs for a more promising 2015, although I'm going to be nervous as hell if and when it happens again xxx

SashaKerr Tue 16-Dec-14 23:14:44

I'm so sorry Erica, sounds familiar. February would have been my first due date too and my DS is coming up to 2. That age gap needn't be too big though, and could always be a blessing (it is so much easier to say to others than to feel yourself though). Sounds like your body is telling you to slow down even if your mind doesn't want to. Funny way of stopping you even if you don't want to. Rest up, recover, you sound like you have a delicious sense of humour even though you've had such a rough old time.

Am definitely up for some hand holding over the coming months too smile xx

TaytoCrisp Tue 16-Dec-14 23:35:44

Hi Sasha, very sorry to hear of your losses. I had my DD then two late miscarriages within 6 months. I was really devastated after the second mc and started to think we might just have one little one - and were grateful for that. I went to counselling too for some space to talk about the mcs. I took 11 months off ie did not try to get pregnant or think much about it. Then after some investigations and finding out about a new intervention (cervical stitch) in the event of pregnancy we tried one last time - nearly one year ago. I got pregnant and I still can hardly believe that I am holding my wonderful snugly 12 week old DD right now. I am 41. The 4 year age gap is fantastic and DD1 is proud, caring and protective. I just wanted to advice you to take your time, don't give up, find out as much as you can about any new interventions and get a second opinion if necessary. Thinking of you and sending you courage and hope.

SashaKerr Tue 16-Dec-14 23:54:02

That is such a lovely story. Never heard of a cervical stitch but so pleased you got your little one. So nice to hear a positive story come out of it all and nice to hear good things about an age gap too.

Yes maybe now is the time to relax a little or at least just 'switch off' from baby thinking all the blinking time... X

TaytoCrisp Wed 17-Dec-14 00:07:26

Thanks Sasha. I definitely think it is a good idea to take a break and switch off for a bit after two mcs. I was worried about wasting time with age but a couple of months won't make a big difference and will give you a chance to recharge your batteries. Take care and very best wishes xxx.

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