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Missed miscarriage discovered at 12 weeks

(8 Posts)
Elvi1 Wed 10-Dec-14 10:30:09

Myself and my husband went for our 12 week scan on Monday to find that our baby had died at around 9 weeks. We are devastated - this was a much wanted baby and we had been ttc for almost a year. We had an early scan at 7 weeks 4 days and we were elated that there was a heartbeat, as I had very little symptoms apart from some constipation (ironically I had expressed concerns about mmc to my doctor having been told that my friend had recently gone through the same thing, and she kindly referred me for a 'reassurance' scan). We decided to be more positive about the pregnancy once we saw a hb although we knew that we weren't out of the woods until the dating scan. Everything seemed to be going fine and we were looking forward to getting the scan out of the way so that we could share the news with our friends and families over Christmas. Over the weekend I was panicked to find that there was a very very small amount of tan colour in my discharge, but reading other posts I felt reassured that this was common. Even now, I'm not convinced that this was a sign. I feel I didn't have any signs as I had little symptoms in first place. Oddly, the weekend just before it must have died, I had 2 days of feeling very sick and I assumed that the morning sickness was kicking in - since then I occasionally felt a bit sicky between meals. So nothing could prepare us for the scan which was (apart from my father passing away) the most painful experience I have ever had. As soon as I saw the screen I could see that there was no movement and eventually the doc focused in on a lifeless mass. Having followed my babies progress everyday, reading websites and looking at examples of scans, I knew this was not right and started crying. The doctors asked if I could be less far along, but I knew this wasn't the case. I had to have an internal scan to confirm what I already knew (I think my poor husband was still in denial). We then got taken to another clinic for further tests and we discussed options as to how to proceed. I was distraught, my husband was crushed, but we were able to make the decision that a ERCP was really the only way to proceed. The doctor was not pushy in the slightest, but I heard her colleague quietly recommend the surgical procedure when I was getting dressed. I was told that there is likely to be a lot of bleeding and I read in between the lines that this could be traumatic. I am now at home waiting for the procedure in 2 days time and the bleeding has begun with slight cramping. I still think the surgical procedure is the right thing for us so that hopefully we will get closure and start thinking about moving on. In the meantime, I am incredibly frightened about being put to sleep whilst also dealing with the emotional impact of this devastating news. It's awful knowing that I am carrying still. I know that it is still technically an embryo, but this doesn't take away from the fact that we were going to love this child and our hope and dreams for the future as we knew it 2 days ago have now gone and we are grieving for this 'embryo' who didn't make it. I feel that we will never enjoy the feeling of being pregnant again (if we are lucky enough for it to happen again) as we will always be fearful of this happening again. I was always aware that mc were common and that a mmc was a possibility, but nothing can prepare you for the pain and devastation you feel. I know deep down that we will bounce back from this and me and my husband keep saying that the main thing is that we have each other, but this is very hard. Thank you for reading my post.

IBelieveInPink Wed 10-Dec-14 10:46:01

I'm so sorry. I haven't quite been where you are, but had a mc at 8 weeks, and one at 5, before having my dd.

I'm so sorry, and completely understand how you feel. I was also terrified of the erpc, which I had with my first mc.... It's really not as scary as you imagine. Everyone was very kind and wonderful, and recovery (physically) is quick and easy.

Give yourself a bit of time to grieve for the baby you've lost. I found some wonderful friends on here who have been no end of support to me in the 2 years since my mc's, but I still cry for my lost babies occasionally.

Be kind to yourselves. Plan nice things to give yourselves something to focus on. Most importantly, if you feel you can, talk to people who have been through it. Lots. It helps.

Hope you have a quick and easy physical recovery. X

Elvi1 Wed 10-Dec-14 11:42:13

Thank you for your reassurance about the surgery and your advice. I'm sorry that you have gone through your own heartbreak. It's suck a terrible thing to happen.

Boco2 Wed 17-Dec-14 08:59:27

Hi Elvi,
I was so sorry to read your post - what you described happened to me and my partner in the summer. I thought I was having a MC at 8 weeks, had a scan where they saw a heartbeat but then no heartbeat at the 12 week scan which was a total shock and, like you, completely unexpected. I understand what you're going through - it is physically horrible - and emotionally completely devastating especially after all those early weeks of worrying and looking forward to sharing your much wanted and happy news with everyone. Take time to grieve and look after yourself. I was initially quite shocked by the pain of the medical management (it made me feel v ill) so hopefully your treatment route will be less painful and over more quickly. It can feel like a very lonely time so please use these boards - there are lots of lovely people who've had similar experiences so are a great place to share what you're going through. Thinking of you both and wishing you all the best.

HidingFromDD Wed 17-Dec-14 09:09:22

Hi Elvi
so sorry to hear you are going through this. Exactly the same thing happened to me and I also had ERCP. The medical procedure is fine, it's over quickly and I just felt a little groggy after. The emotions (and hormones) take longer to settle so expect to be up and down for a while.

My mmc was in 1994 (still remember it clearly), DD1 was born 1995 and is first year at Uni, dd2 was born 1997, almost 3 years to the day from the mmc. If someone had told me, when I was where you are now, that in three years time I'd be holding my 2nd child I'd never have believed them, but there is hope for the future

take care x

littlefig01 Wed 07-Jan-15 20:55:26

your story touch me, your not alone. I had an almost identical experience. I had a mc in november 2014, I had two scans prior to my mc, both showed everything was good. The hospital saw a strong heartbeat and position was good. A few days before my 12 week i had simular showings but didnt think much about it after reading and being told it was common.Was told to get it checked out to be safe. Went to a after hours doctors at 12am, was told the epc will call me in the morning to go in for a scan, this was one day before my dating scan. The epc were great, they reassured me and felt like what I was experiencing was normal so wasnt concerned.

When having the scan, my partner thought he saw it move, he gave me the eye that all was ok, then came the blow. I had a 2nd scan to confirm, I was told it probably died at 10 weeks. The staff we in total shock with the news. I opted to have surgical procedure, I couldn't face doing it naturally. Having your baby removed on the day of your dating scan was beyond difficult. My family were totally shocked, having to tell friends when I was counting down the days til I could give them the goods news was so tough. I didnt think I would get pregnant as I have endometriosis. Christmas was difficult. We had a cremation so we have a place where we can go, most think we are strange although I find it helps. I so scared of if I can get pregnant again, I really want to although I know I will be paranoid til it's born. I'm trying to be positive and hope it happens soon. I hate feeling empty and I hope this year will still to end with a baby. All I can say is never give up, time is a healer, your never forget but by hearing others we must be positive that our time will come. We got pregnant once so it means we can get pregnant x

Brummiegirl15 Wed 07-Jan-15 22:54:30

Elvi I'm so sorry. I am exactly where you are.

I had a scan at 7 weeks and saw a heartbeat. Follow up scan on NYE at 9 weeks and the baby had died . No pain, no bleeding. Nothing. This is our 3rd miscarriage so our world just imploded.

I am now at home recovering from the ERPC which I had Saturday night. I also had an ERPC for my 2nd one too.

It's a very simple procedure. It's very safe, very quick. And actually once everything had been removed the pain and bleeding stopped very quickly. This time there has been a slight delay with the after op bleeding but it's here now.

I chose ERPC because I couldn't bear thought of passing everything and I was frightened of being in pain. ERPC was absolutely the best choice for me.

Only advice I would give is be kind to yourself, take painkillers before you need to and you'll be ok. Lean on your DP/DH and let him lean on you. Take your time with recovery as well. It will happen but it takes time.

I can also recommend the "TTC after mc - best shit place to be" in conception. These ladies are a lifeline and have been amazing.

Thinking of you xx

Sleepyfergus Wed 07-Jan-15 23:10:24

I had a mmc in 2008 and I still remember the emotions and devestation quite clearly. I opted for the ERPC too, but nature took it's course and I passed it naturally. It was painful but didn't last too long. Still needed to get checked again to ensure all had passed. We had been ttc for 2.5 years at that stage and we were heartbroken

Happily, a years later a conceived and went on to have dd1, and 2.5 years after that, along came dd2.

I hope you manage to get through the next few days. Take it very easy on yourself and allow yourself to grieve, your DH too. There is every chance you will go onto conceive again and have a happier outcome. Take care x

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