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advise please

(3 Posts)
Boofsandboss Mon 08-Dec-14 14:00:55

we found out that our little one stopped growing at 6 weeks and had miscarriage at 11 weeks, its been 2 and half weeks and i feel so lost and sad sad i feel like im going mad, some days i feel like im getting better then others i break down, today i broke down, ive been thinking alot about something and i need your advise, it may seem silly but i want a funeral /memorial service but i dont have anything from the miscarriage! is it possible and not too expensive or am i just mad?

sizethree Mon 08-Dec-14 14:14:38

Hi boofs, I'm so sad to read your story and so sorry for your loss. Losing a baby is a heartbreaking experience and one that you can't predict how you cope with. So please be gentle on yourself. There's no one way to deal with it and everybody grieves in different ways. It's called the grieving process afterall, so it just takes a big of time for your heart to heal. And it'll always have a special place in it for your lost baby.
You are absolutely not going mad! How you're feeling is normal under the circumstances and well done for sharing how you fell, as the wurst thing you can do is bottle it up. 2 weeks is still very recent, so just try and take each day gently and don't rush in to expecting to be back to normal.
I think it's lovely to commentate your lost baby. There's a lot of ways to do this which don't involve having a funeral.
You could plant a tree in your garden as a reminder. Or you can buy a star (Yeh there's s website you can purchase stars from!), do when you look up you'll have a star glimmering back down at you in your baby's memory.
My husband and I bought a beautiful white rose which we took to the beach on the due date of our first baby, and at sunset we released it into the tide. It was a really moving moment and I'll always remember it. And hopefully when we do have a family of our own we will have picnics and walks on that beach with our children and that memory will always be present.
I'm so sorry you are having to experience this. Losing a baby is one of the hardest things to happen. X

bakingtins Mon 08-Dec-14 15:06:10

boofs v sorry you lost your baby. It's quite common to want to do something to commemorate a loss. If you were treated in hospital you could contact the chaplain - ours hold a service once a month for all lost LOs which if they wanted to parents could attend. I didn't, but I was able to contribute a prayer to be used and also to write an entry for the hospital book of remembrance. There is an organisation called Saying Goodbye which runs memorial services in cathedrals for babies lost to miscarriage or still birth, you could check their site and see if there is anything near you. Alternatively there are lots of ideas along the lines that sizethree suggested and one of those might resonate with you. Others that I've seen suggested include writing a letter or poem, releasing a helium balloon or lantern, buying a charity gift in memory, commissioning a piece of memorial jewellery.
It's still v early days for you, be kind to yourself and allow yourself space to grieve, and keep posting if it helps.

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