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Medically managed miscarriage

(61 Posts)
ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 12:29:07

Hello there,

This is my first post - so apologies if I should have posted elsewhere.

We found out last week that our baby had stopped developing. I have to go in for another scan tomorrow to confirm that the baby has died, but they've told me not to be hopeful. I should now be in my 9th week, but it looks as though the baby died around six weeks. It was my first - very much wanted - pregnancy, and I'm in my 40s.

They wouldn't talk to me about my options last week - but I have been looking at what comes next online.

I don't have a great deal of confidence in the hospital, so really don't want surgery. I'd hoped they'd just give me the pills and it wouldn't take more than 48hrs. But I'm not sure this is what happens. I live in South Wales.

Can anyone tell me what happens once they've confirmed it? Will the Epau give me the drugs, or will I have to go to the gp? Is it just one lot of drugs? How long does it take for them to have an effect? Will I have to have them in hospital or at home? (The hospital is 40 mins from where I live.)

The waiting this week has been horrible. I'd hoped nature would take care of things - but she hasn't. Even the spotting that first took me to the Epau has stopped.

I don't know if it sounds weird, but knowing what's going to happen would make me feel less like I'm going mad. It's been a horrible week, and I just want it all to be over now. Any info would be very helpful. Thank you.

sizethree Mon 08-Dec-14 13:45:28

Hi gingham, I'm so sorry about your loss. It's so heartbreaking losing a baby. This must've been the longest week of your life. The wait for the confirmation scan is excruitisting. My hear goes out to you as sadly I've been there too.
I'm based in Scotland, so I don't have experience of anywhere else. And I've been unfortunate enough to have three miscarriages. So have experience in medical, natural and an ERPC.
Medical management was organised by my EPU. Once my confirmation scan showed the baby had sadly died, options were discussed with me.
The next morning I went into the EPU and I took 2 x oral tablets and had some other ones administered vaginally by the nurse. I then went home and it took about 8 hours for things to start happening. And it took about 2 hours to complete the miscarriage. I the. Had period like bleeding for about 10 days, and I got my period 5 weeks after. Basically, the medication softens the cervix and starts contraction so your body releases the pregnancy. There's a big mix of stories of experiences of this. But it varies massively from women to women. It's obviously a tough ordeal to go through, and there is pain and you'll be very aware of the blood and what is leaving your body. But I found it preferable to surgery and I felt my physical recovery was much faster after, in comparison to the EPRC.
There's a lot of useful information in the Miscarriage Assiciation website. And they have a great helpline if you need some further advice.
There's also s good thread here about the practicalities of miscarriage with lots of tips.
I'm so sorry you are having to go through this. But there's a lot of wonder women on these threads that you can turn to for support and advice. Big virtual hug and I'll be thinking if you at that difficult scan tomorrow. X

ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 14:19:57

Thank you so much sizethree. I really appreciate you taking time to answer.

It has been a wretched week, and I'm not really sure why the Epau couldn't/wouldn't give more information. But what you've told me is really helpful, thank you. I'm finding that if I can picture what will happen, I'm less likely to break down in tears and be treated like I'm not competent.

I've looked at the MA's website - which was clear, but I didn't quite have the level of detail that I was looking for. I've also read the thread here on the practicalities - which was really useful (if a bit scary).

I've only told a handful of people, and they've all told me how "normal" and "natural" miscarriage is. I've been shocked to find how many people it affects. Which makes it even stranger that there's so little useful information out there about it.

Pretty much everything I've read (except the MN thread) starts off with, "So what is a miscarriage?" followed by a detailed definition. It's like the texts are written for nursing students rather than people who've just been told they have a "non-viable" embryo inside them.

Thank you for helping at a really tough time. x

Bowchickawowow Mon 08-Dec-14 14:25:57

I am really sorry that you have had such devastating news.
My experience of a "missed miscarriage" only picked up at scan (should have been 12.5 weeks, stopped developing at 9) was that like you I really wanted to avoid surgery. I was given 5 days to wait in the hope that it would start by itself. I then went to the EPU for the first oral dose of medication, on the Saturday - I was meant to return on Sunday for the second dose, the peasant but about 12 hours after the oral dose I bled very heavily. I am sorry it doesn't sound nice and everyone is totally different BUT I mention it because it was normal but I was not told that beforehand - I really panicked as it was sudden and heavy. The "good side" was that it meant I didn't need the second part - they scanned me and everything had gone sad
I recovered fine and got pregnant with ds1 2 months later.
Wishing you all the best to get through this, it is so hard flowers

ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 15:01:00

Thank you Bowchickawowow. It is horrible, isn't it? And how terrible that you got as far as your 12 week scan not knowing there was anything wrong. At least we thought there might be something wrong - even if we were really hoping there wasn't. I really feel for you. You must have thought you'd be going home to break the news to everyone.

I've seen lots of posts from people here on MN saying how much they bled - so I've been working at home this week, just in case. I have very heavy periods anyway (always have had). So bleeding enough to soak through a pad an hour (at least on my heaviest day each month) is pretty close to normal for me. So I'm a little nervous of what miscarriage "heavy" could look like for me.

At least the baby is so tiny that I shouldn't be able to see it. The thought of that frightened me to start with.

It's really heartening to hear that you fell pregnant so soon afterwards. All being well, we're going to try again and just pray that it works out next time.

We had thought that given my age we'd need IVF - but conception happened easily enough. I just hope that next time, the little one is healthy enough to stay with us.

Do you mind me asking, did you think about the first 12 weeks of your healthy pregnancy differently? After this miscarriage, I'm wondering it it's possible to just think of the first 12 weeks as a step towards pregnancy, rather than a baby in the making? (It's probably too early for me to be thinking about this, really, but the last few days have been so painful, I think I'd need to try to protect myself somehow in the future.)

My partner is being lovely - though he's devastated too. We'll muddle through - you just have to, don't you?

TeaandHobnobs Mon 08-Dec-14 15:03:40

Sorry you are facing this gingham sad

I had a mmc in February this year - a blighted ovum, so no fetus, but a pregnancy sac that was 8/9 weeks size.
My local trust offers medical management with the pessaries only, not the oral tablet. I was a day patient on the gynae ward, had the pessaries inserted, was checked about an hour or two later, then discharged home. Everything kicked off for me a couple of hours later (around 8pm), and was all over by morning. I didn't experience much pain, but I had taken a dose of cocodamol anyway just in case. The physical side of it was of course unpleasant, but I had experienced very significant bleeding when pregnant with DS, so I was prepared for it in a way. I was extremely faint the following morning, and had to really take it easy for a couple of days. I decided to take iron supplements for a while to help me recover. I had a follow up scan 3 weeks later which confirmed that all had passed, and that ovulation was about to happen again. I conceived again about 2 cycles after that.

In my case, I initially went to one EPU (at the hospital where I had DS) when I first had bleeding - they saw me again a week later, and confirmed the mmc. It was only at that point (confirming the mmc) that they offered me leaflets about the options available. However we decided it would make sense to be treated closer to home, so I then had to see my GP in order to be referred to my local hospital for treatment - this ended up being about 10 days later, so in my mind that gave my body the chance to do something on its own. At the local hospital, they weren't very keen on relying on the diagnosis of the other hospital, and wanted to do a follow up scan themselves, but I insisted that I was 100% confident this was not a viable pregnancy, and I wasn't going to wait any longer (I was able to describe in detail what I had seen on my previous scans, and convinced them that I did in fact know what I was talking about!). Thankfully they accepted that, and booked me in for medical management the following day.

Thinking of you, and do ask if there is anything else I might be able to answer for you thanks

sizethree Mon 08-Dec-14 15:42:48

Hi gingham, it is unfortunate that the EPU didn't give you more information, it's not helpful at all as it's better to feel prepared for the worst. But maybe it's some stupid protocol they have to follow.

It is really scary and sadly I think that no matter how prepared you think you are, it'll still knock you for six a bit when it happens. You just need to be kind to yourself and know that this will pass.

You're right, as the pregnancy size is small, you are unlikely to be able to see anything specific, and it sounds as though you are used to having heavy periods, so hopefully the medical management will be no worse than a heavy period in a condensed timeframe. But get your bathroom comfy, get something nice to read (none of those trashy mags as they always have smug pregnant celebs stroking their bumps - which really only makes things worse!) Oh and a side effect of the drugs is nausea. i was unfortunately rather sick during the most intense contractions bit, so have something nearby to puke in just incase. And some fizzy water or something to ease nausea. And some thick socks. My feet got very cold perching on the loo for ages. And I found it comforting to have a pillow to double over on. My husband was with me throughout. Well he was in the house, so I could shout for a cup of tea or a quick hug. Do make sure you have someone at shouting distance, and don't lock the bathroom door.

Yep, I was also shocked to realise just how common miscarriage is. But I do find some medical professionals are useless as because it's so common, they kind of trivialise it. These message boards have been the most useful place for support and information that I've found. There's nothing quite as useful and comforting as hearing from other woman who have been where you are now.

I'm going to answer your question you posed to bowchicawowwow if you don't mind, as it resonated with me. 'Do you mind me asking, did you think about the first 12 weeks of your healthy pregnancy differently?' - I remember that feeling of getting my first positive pregnancy test result. It was amazing, and I wish I could get back that innocence. My mind instantly worked out when my bump would show, that I'd be wearing maternity clothes by spring and I'd have a summer baby and that this Christmas we'd have a 6 month ld dressed in a silly novelty Christmas outfit. That is one of the many things I get jealous about with woman who are lucky enough to have ever suffered a miscarriage. You instantly loose the naivety that a positive test = a baby.
With my second pregnancy I was a lot more detached. I saw the 2 lines appear and I cried out of fear. I was of corse delighted, but it was a very different feeling from the first one. And yes, I set out on the first trimester with a mindset of this a pregnancy, not a baby. There's a huge journey ahead of me. Sadly that pregnancy failed. And heartbreakingly so did my next. (and it's very uncommon to suffer 3 consecutive losses so I do hope I'm not scaring you!) My point is, that I'd coped with one miscarriage already. The worse had happened. And I knew that I could cope again. Statistically the odds are massively in your favour for next time. And you can contact your GP and ask for a reassurance scan earlier in pregnancy next time.

It really is all rather grim and I'm sorry you find yourself on these threads. But holler if you ever need a rant or advice or are having an emotional
wobble. x

ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 16:46:09

Hi TeaandHobnobs and Sizethree - I know what you mean about however prepared you try to be, it's going to knock you for six.

It's just that when I went to the epau last week, I came away really confused. I know it's going to be hard, so I want to know as much as possible beforehand. They weren't brilliant communicators last week, and I think it'll be even harder for me to keep track of what they're saying tomorrow (because I'll be in a state, for sure). My partner has the day off work and is coming with me. (Can you imagine any poor woman who has to do this on her own? Or who has kids to look after while it's going on? It must be terrible.) He's also able to take time off when I take the tablets - so I'm very fortunate with that.

The epau I went to is made up of a series of little rooms (very small rooms, in fact). You go into the first one to register. You go into the second one to have the scan (room so tiny, there was no curtain to get changed behind or anything - just had to drop my jeans where I stood and climb on a bench). This was where the sonographer told me the baby was too small and had no heartbeat. I said: "Has it died?" And she said: "I'm so very sorry..."

Then I was sobbing, and we were taken to the third room - plastic chairs and thin wall, so we could hear the next couple laughing and getting lovely news.

Then we went to fourth little room, where a robotic doctor was pissed off that I was crying. She asked me three times why I was crying. I said, "Er, because I just found out my baby died?"

She said, "Why do you believe your baby has died?". I didn't know what the heck was going on, but it turned out that the doctor didn't know what the sonographer had already told me, and then got pissed off that I'd already been told something. I had no idea what was going on, and thought she might have the wrong notes in front of her. I had to ask the nurse who was there, "Have I just entered a parallel universe? Your colleague just told me the baby is dead."

The doctor was pretty icy, and said that because the baby was so small, there was a chance that it was just too small to see a heartbeat. I'd thought that at seven + weeks, they ought to be able to see a heartbeat, and that the baby should be bigger (it was only 4mm) and asked her what we should have seen. She got even more annoyed then and said I didn't need to concern myself with that. I think (surprisingly, because she was much younger than me) she had an old-school, whatever-a-doctor-says-should-not-be-questioned attitude.

So my head was whirling. I just couldn't get the doctor to give me an answer on whether the baby was dead or alive. She just said: "You don't need to think about that now, come back in a week."

So we went back to the registration room, which was jammed with four people around a battered desk - three of them discussing a Christmas event - and me trying to book my appointment for tomorrow.

So that evening, my partner and I found a private Early Pregnancy Clinic in a Nuffield Hospital, and saw a lovely consultant who did another scan and told me very clearly and kindly that it didn't look good at all, that it was normal to wait a week just to be absolutely certain - but not to hold any hope. I trusted him, and I understood what he was telling me - so I'm pretty confident that tomorrow will simply be confirming the bad news.

The consultant at the private hospital told me to go back to the NHS epau, to take the medication and not to be hard on myself. (Seriously, if he wants a side job as my new favourite uncle, he's hired.) I could have asked him these questions you've all been so kind to answer - but I was so shocked and spun out, they just didn't come into my head.

I think if we manage to get pregnant again, we'll go to the private clinic at six weeks, just to see how things are going.

And you're right sizethree - we won't have the innocence again. It was all too easy to start thinking about when we'd tell our parents (I would so love to tell my folks that they're going to have a grandchild), and which room we'd use for a nursery... I think if there is a next time, and if at all possible, we'll just try to think about it as a stage, and not a baby.

Thank you again for all your support. x x x x x

sizethree Mon 08-Dec-14 17:16:33

Jeezo. That doc at the EPAU sound like a horror. What a bitch. She may have passed all her exams and is a big brainy doctor, but she REALLY needs some work on her bedside manner. That is an absolutely atrocious way to be treated. I'm so angry that at such an emotionally awful time, you had such bad care.

Also your EPAU sounds so awkward. How sad that the premises are so unsympathetically laid out.

I really think that all EPAUs should try and be as sympathetic as possible to those getting bad news. When i went for my confirmation scan i was in the waiting room and the couple before us came out clasping their 12 week baby scan print out and happy and excited and when i went onto the room their healthy baby was still on the screen. It was truly felt like a punch in the heart.

I'm glad you went to a private hospital and got better care. Horrible news, but dealt with in a much more humane way. It's so difficult digesting the news and even more so when it's bad and you are bursting on a pee.

It's a good plan to go for an early scan during your next pregnancy. Those first trimester weeks will seem so long, so anything that will help break them up will be a great idea.

I'm glad to hear your partner will be with you. I'd have been lost without mine and there's no way i could have coped by myself or with a young child already.

Even though we've lost that innocence, it's still healthy to have all those hopes and plans. I have a Pinterest board (set to private - so it's hidden) that I started during my first pregnancy, and every now and again I add to it. I look at these loses as (all be it HUGE) craters in the road in the journey to becoming a mum and although this bit is awful, I know in the future that when I get to hold my baby, this pain will all be worth it.

Oh and I made this, as a motto i stuck on my fridge. x

gingerbreadmam Mon 08-Dec-14 17:23:14

gingham i am so sorry and have been through the exact same thing this last month. i had first scan 6 november should have been exactly 9 wks. things werent showing correct size. had to go for rescan 2 weeks later that confirmed baby stopped developing at 5 wks. my hospital advised miscarrying naturally so i then had another 2 week wait to do that. it didnt happen.

i contacted the hospital last thursday and went and collected the medication to make me miscarry at home. i had to sign a consent form then picked up the medication there and then. i took it at home on saturday. i now have to wait three weeks and take a pregnancy test which should be a bfn at that point.

i can share what happened with mine if you like.

is there no hope at all as in dates out or anything like that?

TeaandHobnobs Mon 08-Dec-14 17:30:36

Oh gingham that doctor sounds horrible sad I'm so sorry you were treated like that, and no wonder you felt confused. I guess when I went to the EPU the first time, because I'd had a scan at 6 weeks in my first pregnancy too, I immediately knew what I could see on the screen didn't look right. You won't feel up to it right now, but I'd consider making a complaint about that doctor to PALS at some point. Not acceptable behaviour, especially in as an emotionally charged atmosphere as an EPU.

In my next pregnancy, I held out until 8 weeks for a private scan, because I knew by that point it would give me a really good indication of whether things were as they should be - 6 weeks can be quite hit and miss as to what you can see, and one or two days can make a massive difference. It was really hard holding out for those extra two weeks (god I was a wreck with the anxiety), but it meant it really put my mind at ease (a bit) rather than still leaving me unsure if it was viable or not. I carried on being anxious though, until after the 20 week scan when I've really felt kicking! Now she lets me know often enough that she's there, that I'm not worrying as much smile (apart from the fear of prem birth like with DS - but that's a whole other story!)

Will be thinking of you lots thanks thanks This "limbo" bit is definitely the worst - I felt much more mentally in control once I knew I was going to have the treatment and it would end...

ToriB34 Mon 08-Dec-14 18:34:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 18:37:40

That's a good way of looking at things, sizethree. I might pin your motto to my fridge too smile

I almost started a Pinterest board, and then didn't. I make lots of things for my friends' babies and kids, so I have lots of ideas for baby things - but I was erring on the side of caution and didn't start planning specific things to make (though I would bloody love to be sewing and knitting for my own baby).

gingerbreadmam, thanks for your kindness. Unfortunately, my dates are spot on. I was using a Clearblue advanced ovulation monitor and have been keeping a diary of cycles. So sadly, no. The nice consultant told me there was a very remote chance that all could be well, but he didn't think so and that I shouldn't have hope. And I don't feel it is. My pregnancy symptoms have become much less (still have slightly achey boobs - but tiredness and nausea have disappeared). And I haven't felt at all well since I got the positive result. Nothing specific, but I've just felt under the weather and not myself. And I've spotted every day too - which hasn't boded well either.

The thing with the robot doctor is that I think she thought she was doing the correct thing. English was clearly not a first language for her, and maybe in her home culture, that's how things are handled. So much as I thought she did a crap job on the humanity and compassion front, I think behaviour like that is just a symptom of an uncaring/bureaucratic working culture. Basically, I don't think anyone's told her or trained her to act any differently - and I think that makes it not her fault.

I'm guessing that a pretty high percentage of people who pass through an EPAU get bad news. So you need a whole culture of being sensitive and caring - and that means being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes. The hospital I went to doesn't seem to be able to do that.

Nothing, in fact, has really been thought out from a potentially stressed patient's point of view. Shoddy surroundings (staring up at broken polystyrene tiles while there's a scanning probe up your chuff doesn't inspire confidence), poor layout, no privacy, poor communication...

It's interesting, for example, gingerbreadmam, that you could see the screen. I couldn't - it was angled away from me. But I knew very quickly from the scanographer's face that things weren't good.

Then because the EPAU is right next door to the maternity ward, when we got into the lift to leave, we were followed by a couple with their brand new daughter and silver and pink helium balloons that filled the lift. They were beaming and we were trying not to look at them and cry. The whole set-up wasn't fair on them, and it wasn't fair on us. The private hospital was much more discrete. And we're lucky that we're able to pay for check-ups there. I really wish I'd been aware of the private facility earlier.

I think I will do something, but I don't think it will be a complaint against one person. I'll wait until the miscarriage is over and think about what I can do that'll be constructive.

xx

ginghambingham Mon 08-Dec-14 18:40:34

ToriB34 The system is too framework-ified and tick boxy - and that just doesn't allow for compassion. I'm really sorry you had to go through so many scans. The waiting really is awful.

Take care xx

gingerbreadmam Mon 08-Dec-14 20:33:02

i had a very similar experience at my first scan gingham. there was a consultant who was foreign and a sonographer in the room.

the screen was directed away from me but i could see if i cranked my neck, not that i knew what i was looking for. i started with an over the tummy scan but they said they needed to do an internal. i knew at that point really.

anyway they looked at the scan then the consultant with a big massive grin on her face throughout started with well itnis not the correct size. you may go away and miscarry or you may come back and things have changed. at this point the other sonographer in the room intervened and said she didnt want to give any false hope and so on. id had my worst day of pregnancy symptoms before the scan so had stupidly convinced myself everything would be ok and maybe they were wrong however in between scans my symptoms dissapeared too so i had come to terms with it before the second scan.

the wait is horrendous and i am so sorry you are having to go through it. if id have known what the medical management would have been like for me i wished i had insisted on it sooner.

TeaandHobnobs Tue 09-Dec-14 11:11:53

gingham you may have missed it, but MN ran a campaign recently regarding better miscarriage care.
My first hospital was great - a totally separate EPU nowhere near the other antenatal/delivery/postnatal areas. The hospital where I ended up being treated, it was the classic situation of EPU in the same space as the antenatal clinic, so I was surrounded by heavily pregnant women waiting for their check ups. Now for me, because of how I was dealing with it, I personally didn't find that upsetting, but I knew for sure that many other women in my position would.
The part I found most irritating was, on return to EPU for a follow up scan three weeks later, I had to "check in" again using the EPU's sign-up form, where it asks you questions like "how pregnant are you" and "what are your symptoms (bleeding / cramps, etc)" - very tick-boxy-y, like you say. I got a bit stroppy with them, because I was clearly there for a pre-booked appointment because I was no longer pregnant and therefore none of the questions on the sheet actually applied. But for some reason they couldn't get my notes from the gynae ward (all of about 20 feet away), so I grumpily scribbled over the form why I was actually there. They probably didn't take any notice, but I didn't point out that it was a bit shit.
Partly because of that, I've chosen to use a different local hospital this time (which happens to be the one I was born in too), although I've got to say, they still fall short in some respects too - their antenatal and EPU (and gynae) is all lumped together, which I think must be so hard for some women.

Sorry, didn't mean to get so soapboxy on your thread blush but your experience just goes to show that MN's campaign is badly needed. I understand your feeling that a complaint against one person isn't constructive, but I think it should be raised that she acted without much compassion, which frankly really ought to be part of her job in her particular post - and that should be pointed out to her.

Thinking of you today thanks thanks

ginghambingham Tue 09-Dec-14 19:08:56

Hi there,

I've just spent a wretched eight and a half hours at the epau.

My appointment was at 9.30am. We had to go through confirming address and date of birth and everything again. Then waited to see the sonographer. She confirmed that the pregnancy wasn't viable. Then we had to wait quite a while to see a doctor.

At 11am, we saw a different doctor to last time - but language was even more of an issue this time. She didn't understand a blinking word I was saying (I have a regional accent, and was upset). Neither me nor my partner understood everything she said - it was more like we were picking out odd words and trying to piece them together.

She was rude and dismissive. Without explaining anything, she said - You know your options? What do you want to do? So I said I wanted to do the medically managed thing at home.

She told me I didn't fit the criteria, because I lived too far from the hospital. We said, err, no, that's what we want to do. (We actually live 10 mins from another hospital, but for some reason fall into the catchment area for the hellhole that's 40 mins away from us.) So she shrugged and said, OK. So I filled in the consent form, and she took a blood sample. This all happened within six minutes. During which time she also took a call on her mobile and held up her hand to stop me speaking.

A nurse then told us that the pharmacist did not call in their area until 2pm, so I'd have to wait until then to get the medication. So my partner and I went for a walk, and went back at 2pm.

We waited about an hour, and then a new nurse (who was lovely) told me she'd have to take another blood sample because the first one hadn't been marked up properly - basically, the handwriting on it wasn't good enough to identify it as mine and so the technician had to bin it. So she took another sample (my veins aren't very prominent, so this one had to come out of the back of my hand).

Then we waited and waited, and at about 4.30pm, the lovely nurse came and told us that the letter that should have gone from the doctor to the pharmacist had been sent to my GP instead, so she needed to track down the doctor and get her to write another letter so that the pharmacist could release the drugs. She suggested that we go for a coffee - but right enough for today - the till in the coffee shop was broken, so we couldn't get anything.

Then we came back and waited again, and finally at about 5.30pm, on a public ward with just a curtain pulled around us, the nurse explained what all of the medications were for, how they work and what I could expect.

She was extremely kind and patient. But I was beyond frazzled at this point. I was just whimpering. And anyone within 15m would have heard exactly what was going on.

Anyway, they've given me an antibiotic pill, anti-sickness pills, co-codamol - and the drug that should make the miscarriage happen. It's called Misoprostol. There are four of these tablets and you have to push them inside your vagina. I wasn't expecting that. The word "tablet" to me means something you take orally. Never mind.

So, my question to you guys is - it's now 7pm. Would you take them now? Or wait until tomorrow morning?

And Teaandhobnobs, I wasn't aware of the campaign (this was my first pregnancy and it only lasted 8 weeks). But count me in for it. The RSPCA would have you locked up for treating a dog like this.

I don't get how the UK is a rich, developed country - and this can happen. To me, it's quite simple. If you have no compassion (and some people just don't), don't work with patients.

I've met a couple of lovely professionals through this experience. But the whole system stinks to high heaven. Because of this hospital, and experience that was always going to be distressing has actually been horrific.

We all need to be on a soap box - and I'll get involved in the campaign, if that's what MN needs to make this BS better. I didn't think it could get any worse, and then it did.

gingerbreadmam Tue 09-Dec-14 19:35:37

gingham...i took mine just before 11.00am on saturday. things got going and hour later i would have said worsening by about 5.00 / 6.00pm.

u fortunately i didnt think it had worked as everything i had was minimal compared to what i had read. was proved right when things happened naturally this afternoon.

mine were ones i took via my mouth and think were the same name. did you get anti diaohrea tabs? i got it so glad they prescribed those. worked straight away.

if you dont want to experience much pain take cocodamol when you first feel any.

i actually got through today without pain relief and managed, only got pain with a contraction so was intermittent fortunately although on saturday was pretty much constant in the end.

make sure you have someone with you too. i stocked up on lots of mags incase i ended up on the loo and i did today, roughly 3 hours in total although everyones different. have it nice and warm too. ive heard some people find it more comfortable sat in the bath but that werent for me as i dont like baths and wouldnt have liked to see everything that comes out. hope this hasnt scared you btw. as horrible as it is its bareable i think as long as you prepare yourself. i think in most cases the heavy period lie is a best case scenario. if u av any questions please ask, helped me massively knowing what i was in for.

ginghambingham Tue 09-Dec-14 20:05:25

Hi Gingerbreadmam - So sorry to hear it's been so drawn out for you.

Didn't get anti-diorhea tablets, but I think I've got some Immodium kicking around somewhere. If it happens tomorrow, I'll have someone with me. If it doesn't quite work, I don't know.

I'm relatively lucky, as I run my own business, so no-one's going to be shitty at me for taking time off (though I am concerned about how much time I've already had).

Thanks for the co-codamol advice. I'll take one as soon as I feel anything.

Take care - I hope you manage to get back to as normal as possible soon. xxx

gingerbreadmam Tue 09-Dec-14 20:23:59

feels like it has been neverending tbh, almost 5 weeks since had first scan saying bad news so a very long time but its definitely over now and i am relieved for that.

i took 3 weeks off initally as the hospital advised me to book 2 weeks as they thought i would mc then i never,i took another week after confirmation as i was still scared of mc and the emotional side got me. i returned last monday and wish i hadnt. they werent considerate at all! dropped straight back in at deep end with 3 weeks to catch up on and more and more jobs thrown at me. promised myself at medical management i would take yest and today but unfortunately looks like will have to be tomorrow now too.

glad that you have someone there with you youll be glad of the support. my dp had to keep topping me up with drinks when i couldnt get off loo too as was getting lightheaded. hopefully will all be straightforward and this time tomorrow will be all over for you. so sorry you are having to go through this.

sizethree Tue 09-Dec-14 20:38:33

gingham I am lost for words about how you've been treated. It's so unacceptable. Especially in such highly emotional circumstances, the lack inif understanding and basic compassion is crippling. I'm so do sorry that this awful experience has been made a million more times more awful by those fuckwits. But relieved you did find a nice nurse in the midst of that shitstorm. (Sorry hit being a bit potty mouthed, I get right sweaty when I'm angry!)
So you've hit the meds, that's good that you're prepared.
I'd test up tonight and try abd get a full night's sleep and start the meducal management tomorrow morn. You don't want yo be up all night after the day you've had.
But make sure that you go for a wee before you insert the tablets, as you'll need to stay horizontal for half an hour afterwards (so gravity doesn't kick in!). I had mine inserted by the nurse and she militantly made me stay horizontal for at least half an hour before I was allowed to go home.
I'm a bit fuzzy about timeframes but I remeber there bring a few 'sittings'. Times when I frkg crampy and sat on the loo for a bit to pass clots. But the most intense bout was probably 8 hours after, when I passed the sack. That was pretty flippin site. I mistimed my pain killers so that didn't help. But weirdly, after I passed the sack I felt absolutely back to normal and pain vanished. (I passed a 8+5 week fetus so as yours is measuring smaller there should be less stuff - which I know isn't really a positive in a shitty situation!)
Argh, it really is just heartbreakingly miserable. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such an awful thing. But here's hoping by this time tomorrow the worst will be over and you can bring to recover.
Will be sending you super emotional strength and virtually punching that doctor bint square in the chops. X

wonkylegs Tue 09-Dec-14 20:44:51

I'm currently doing medically managed at home. Like Gingerbreadmam I had to take mine orally. Apparently diarrhoea is more of a side effect if you take orally which is why we were given Imodium.
I was all ready for it to take effect & had prepared myself for it but after some cramps & sickness it looks like it's just isn't going to work. I took first dose last Thursday, 2nd on Sunday. Took after lunch as it is absorbed better but I don't think that applies for you.
I'm supposed to wait 2wks before contacting them again but as it's so close to Christmas and I've been waiting so long since my first scan I'm going to push for surgical option if nothing happens by Monday.
Sorry to hear the hospital was so rubbish. I know I've been 'lucky' to have the complete opposite experience with the hospital who have been lovely throughout a horrible experience. Glad I picked them not my closest hospital which doesn't have as good a reputation.
I'm sure you'll be fine & I'm glad your DH is with you. Hope it goes well and it's over for you soon.

ginghambingham Wed 10-Dec-14 16:34:22

Hiya,

I took the medication at 8am today. Then at 10.30, the most intense pain and nausea. I was writhing on the bathroom floor. That lasted an hour and a half, and I'm finally bleeding - but it's lighter than my period usually is, with very few clots (I normally have pretty chunky ones when I have my period).

I've read accounts from other ladies who had to wait some time for it all to happen. So maybe this'll happen to me, and there's still more to come. (At least I hope so, because it can't be finished yet.)

The physical pain has been a lot more than a heavy period, but there's not enough blood yet. I'm co-codamoled up to the eyeballs right now and back in bed.

The Epau said the next step is to take a pregnancy test in three weeks, and to phone them with the result. But I don't think I'm ever going to go back there. I'm thinking now that I'll go back to the private hospital for a scan.

Funny - but relevant - comment from my partner when the nurse told him it would feel like bad period pain (and it blinking effing didn't, by the way) - "So WTF does that feel like?"

ginghambingham Wed 10-Dec-14 16:40:57

wonkylegs Christmas is a bugger. I'm lying here thinking:

- I have no presents
- All the family are coming over
- I need to cook for them (it's gonna be me and Aunt Bessie all the way)
- And I need to not look sad

I hope you get to move on soon xx

sizethree Wed 10-Dec-14 17:25:46

gingham, sorry it seems to be a bit of a prolonged process for you. Hoping that it kicks off again and it's as quick and painless as po bike and successful.
Christmas can piss iff this year. I'm thinking if just giving everyone a tenner and telling them to get something in the sales.
Aunt Bessie rocks, especially the Yorkshire puds (try putting a marshmallow and chocolate buttons in them before cooling, they make amazing dessert!)
Can you get your family to bring a dish each so you don't have to do all the cooking.
And you don't have to put on a brave face. Your family will want to support you. Let them fuss and get stuck into the gin. That's my an anyway. X

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