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A thread to offer support over the festive season

(38 Posts)
impatientlywaiting14 Mon 01-Dec-14 23:08:44

Hi all
So with the festive season fast approaching I am trying to keep positive but can't help being very aware after an early mc I should now be walking around with a large bump. I would have been due in January. I usually love christmas but i think with knowing what i should planning now and seeing how the reality has panned out this year i feel flat . I have spoken to a friend briefly about it but don't want to be seen as dwelling on and just want to seem like I am trying to get on with things.

I read a thread a couple of months back where many posters said they were finding the thought of Christmas difficult. I thought I should set up this thread so we could offer each other much needed support and hand holding , espically to those that would be due there Christmas baby.
There is also the miscarriage association site and helpline which has helped me in hard times. There is also the lights of love tree to post a special message to our angel babys.
I really hope this thread helps all of you struggling or just needing a listening ear
XXX

Nyborg Mon 01-Dec-14 23:40:50

I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks two Decembers ago. It was quite dramatic and the ambulance had to pass through the switching on ceremony for the Christmas lights in the town centre. The following Christmas was hard - not terrible, but tough and very very sad in places. We spent it with family who were kind, but DH and I felt lost.

Fast forward two years and despite a second miscarriage, I now have a baby boy who's fascinated by fairy lights. This year's switching on ceremony is on Saturday and though we won't go as he's too small to be out at night, the anniversary is poignant and a reminder that the darkest hour is just before the dawn. It certainly was for us.

I'll be thinking this Christmas of you, OP, and other people whose Christmases are missing a baby or a bump who ought to be there to share it. I hope next Christmas will be your happiest.

Amaxapax Tue 02-Dec-14 11:23:54

I'm finding this Christmas very hard. I was diagnosed with a complete molar pregnancy and had my surgery seven weeks ago. My hormone levels have not dropped and I will potentially be having chemotherapy over the holidays to ensure the rest of the tissue goes.

In the meantime, two friends and my stepsister have announced their pregnancies, and two other friends have given birth.

I feel a bit like my life has much less meaning than anyone else's because my body can't seem to function properly. I read all the time on MN that Christmas is for children, but what if that's not possible? I'm imagining all of my friends cuddled up with their little families, or excitedly anticipating their new arrivals, and I should have been doing the same thing. It all just feels a bit empty and pointless now.

stargirl1701 Tue 02-Dec-14 11:27:00

I'll be thinking of anyone having a mc at this time. We lost our first pg on 19th Dec 2009 at 11 weeks.

thanks

Mrsm14 Tue 02-Dec-14 14:38:31

Thank you op for this thread. I would've been due in January too and lost my baby at the end of June. after a few weeks of being fine, I've crumbled a bit this last week. I'm 34 tomorrow and Xmas is around tier corner too and I'm really feeling the loss badly again. Had a cry a few days in a row - it's passed again fairly quickly but do feel really flat and I wondered if anyone else felt like me

Mrsm14 Tue 02-Dec-14 14:42:55

Amaxapax - sounds like you're having a really tough time and totally understand the feeling of emptiness you mention- hugs to you xx

Amaxapax Tue 02-Dec-14 22:44:39

Thank you, Mrsm. I am really struggling. I think I hit bottom when I found out about my stepsister. I had been so excited to tell my dad that I was pregnant. He'll be such an amazing grandpa and I couldn't wait to give him that gift, but I can't and now someone else will.

The emptiness and loneliness of this experience has been overwhelming, and that's even with a very supportive husband.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP Thu 04-Dec-14 21:49:58

I miscarried last week. Should have had my 12 week scan today. I too am finding thoughts of Christmas hard. My lovely dad has had a cancer diagnosis this week too. It's bad. He'll probably be in hospital over Christmas. Sorry, that's nothing to do with my mc. It's just I was looking forward to us all being together and putting my feet up and being into the second trimester. And now none of that will happen. Wish we could just cancel Christmas.

Ilikesweetpeas Thu 04-Dec-14 22:03:32

Sorry to hear that so many ladies are also sad. I am struggling, baby would have been due next week but hubby's brothers partner had a baby today. I don't want to go and see them, but feel like I am a nasty person for feeling this way. Wish you were all happier but there is some comfort in knowing I'm not alone. Finding things so hard right now

MsJupiter Thu 04-Dec-14 22:32:30

Thank you for this thread. I would have been due in June and was looking forward to telling friends and family about the pregnancy this Christmas but I had a mc at 9 weeks. I am finding the thought of it all too much to bear.

I think I'm secretly pinning my hopes on a miracle new pregnancy happening in the next few weeks and it's all going to come crashing down.

Thanks for the support - I offer mine to all of you too.

purpleflower23 Thu 11-Dec-14 22:16:19

Great idea for a board. I miscarried in August, would have been due in March so should have had a lovely bump by Christmas. Usually I love this time of year but I'm feeling very low and anti-social about it, hoping it will be over quickly so I can look forward to the new year & a fresh start xx

impatientlywaiting14 Fri 12-Dec-14 17:10:33

Hi Ladies
I am sorry for the delay In replying, i have had issues with my internet I didn't want to reply to some of you and not be able to reply to others.

Welcome to the board, i am both pleased to see you here for support and very sadden to see you are all going through this sad and isolating journey. Im so sorry for all your individual losses flowers. I really hope this board helps you all and we can offer comfort and support and not feel so alone in our individual journeys.
flowers brew and cake for you all xxxx

impatientlywaiting14 Fri 12-Dec-14 18:21:47

Hi PurpleFlower

I am feeling very much like you have described. I feel very low about christmas, the closer its getting the more the dread is building up which is so sad as normally it would be excitement building up . We are spending this one at the in-laws and as much I know it will do me good to be around the hustle and bustle to keep my mind busy (stop me moping with a box of acoholic chocs) part of me just wants to stay at home. I worry how I will cope. I won't have anywhere to escape to for five minutes if it does get overwhelming as we do not have a room to ourselves and are staying in the living room xxx

jesterbun Fri 12-Dec-14 22:08:16

So comforting to feel I'm not alone. My baby was due early Jan and I mc at 13 weeks in July. I just feel numb about Christmas this year. Going through the motions for the sake of my other 2 dc but secretly wishing I could crawl away somewhere and hide...

impatientlywaiting14 Fri 12-Dec-14 22:50:28

Hi there Jesterbun
Welcome and I'm so sorry to see you here xxxx
It does feel like a very isolating experiencing as despite the odds of it happening its all still quite a taboo subject in real life.

I miscarried at 5 weeks and it for me has been the most heartbreaking experience I have ever been through. I can't imagine how much worse that must have felt getting to 13 weeks. I didn't get as far as a scan of course but I had already received my scan date which was early July so it seems we were really close in gestation. i like you just want to hide away this christmas . i hope you get lots of cuddles from your dc and family xxxx

Aishahgmd Sat 13-Dec-14 03:10:34

I'm currently enduring a miscarriage as we speak at 8 weeks and I can honestly say I've never felt so devastated . Earlier this year I developed problems with my sight which in the long run could potentially result in my losing my vision aswell as a series of alopecia in which I lost my hair, and this pregnancy was such a blessing to me and now it's gone ... I feel so heartbroken and alone yet some part of me feels a little guilty because of my lack of joy for my sister in law who is currently expecting . I feel horrible that I can't be as overjoyed as she is and wish I could push my situation aside to rectify this . I love my partner dearly but I don't feel fully supported or comforted by him , for the past three days I've attended hospital appointments alone aswell as spending majority of my time at home by myself . I never understood the pain a miscarriage could create before until now , yet I feel like I'm being abit dramatic and selfish because there are people out there dealing with worse scenarios . I looked at this forum today and felt so much compassion for you all that have dealt with a miscarriage and admire you greatly for being wilful and strong . Please help me to gain the strength that many of you have .. Xxxxx

ElleyBear13 Sun 14-Dec-14 20:32:39

Hello ladies,

Impatientlywaiting, i should have a bump too and be 21 weeks pregnant. We had plans to buy all the nursery furniture in the january sales, we had plans to tell the family whether we were having a son or daughter on Christmas day. Hubby has told me he didnt feel that close to the baby and although he is supporting me doesn't understand.

When family and friends asked what do you want for christmas? I just wanted to say my baby back please.

Christmas is hard on top of that we're desperately, desperately trying to fall pregnant before the due date, Im due AF on or around friday and hoping it'll be a BFP for christmas, however took a FRER today and its so far negative. I think miscarriage is so lonely, noone quite grasps how devastating it is.

xx

MelB2014 Mon 15-Dec-14 11:27:19

Reading this has made me feel a bit more comforted. I completely agree that MC is an isolating experience. I had it confirmed that I had miscarried last Wednesday, just before the 8 week mark. I haven't quite known how to feel or deal with it so I've been just getting on as normal.

We are hosting Christmas this year for my husband's family, we had been planning to tell them all on Christmas day but obviously that's not happening now. SIL has a 3 year old and a 6 month old baby, so I'm not quite sure how it's going to feel. I think I will be fine as I've never really been the broody type with other people's kids, but I feel like I don't even know my own feelings anymore...

I didn't even know how much I wanted a baby, until I lost one. sad

InternetFOREVER Mon 15-Dec-14 13:44:51

Sorry you're all in this position too sad. Last christmas I was recovering from a MC and surrounded by friends and family with bumps, this year I'm recovering from yet another MC and will be faced with all the babies said friends and family have now had. Usually love christmas but at the moment wish I could cancel it all. Can't though as then DS would miss out on even more than he has already. Can't see any way round it.

MrsGranny Tue 16-Dec-14 13:46:01

Thank you for starting this thread. I had a miscarriage in April and another in October so finding things so hard at the moment. Should either have a 2 month old or be 4-5 months pregnant. Wishing for a healthy pregnancy this Christmas. Thoughts are with you all, hope everyone has a good Christmas xx

impatientlywaiting14 Tue 16-Dec-14 18:27:10

MrsGranny

I'm so sorry, 2 miscarriages in months 5 must be so so tough. I miscarried end of May so nearly 8 months ago and don't feel I have got over the worst yet so can't imagine how it must feel for you sad. I really hope you have lots of support and can get lots of hugs when you need them (i know it dosnt take the pain away) in this difficult time.

Hugs to you Xxx

Mam23 Tue 16-Dec-14 22:07:51

Hugs to you all. This was me exactly 10 years ago - first pregnancy due date was Dec 26th, miscarried in May and then miscarried for the second time in November that year. We got through that very lonely Christmas with many of the feelings you all describe.

If I may offer some hope though, I was pregnant the following Christmas and although I do remember my lost babies every Christmas, I now approach the season with joy and happy anticipation rather than sadness.

I wish you all peace this Christmas.

PohSuan Wed 17-Dec-14 10:42:43

Hugs to everyone at this particularly difficult time of the year. This is my first post on here and I hope you don't mind me just butting in.

We've had a few weeks of limbo.Found out I had a blighted ovum a couple of weeks ago and then last week there was an egg sac that appeared mysteriously after a week but was told that most likely would be a miscarriage.My bleeding started last week a day after my birthday. I really wish this had happened any other time of the year to be honest,the fact that forever more birthday and Xmas will bring back these bad memories is too much for me to handle right now.

Am usually a very optimistic person and can see the bright side of things but just feeling very down right now. Perhaps once hormones have levelled out and I manage to get some sleep I will be feel bit better. I feel I cannot get too sad or moan as I am extremely lucky as I have a beautiful 3yr old daughter.But it broke my heart the other day as she lifted my jumper and patted my tummy and asked if I had a baby in my tummy.

Am dreading next few months as most of my close friends are pregnant and my sister is too. April and May are going to be difficult.

Sorry to moan and my heart goes out to everyone on here. May the New Year bring happiness to you all.xxx

resipsa Thu 18-Dec-14 21:06:15

So sorry to read all your stories.

I've just miscarried tonight at 7 weeks. Saw heartbeat yesterday :-(.

It's my 3rd in 12 months. Christmas is ruined again. And DH was diagnosed with cancer in June and is on chemo so we spent £11,000 on IVF for this loss.

sad

Kasterborous Thu 18-Dec-14 23:00:34

Sorry to read all your stories. I had my second miscarriage seven years ago this December. I had an early scan at nine weeks and all was well, then I went for my eleven week one on 21st December and our baby had died. I had to go in on Christmas Eve for a D&C and had to stay in overnight because I was ill. We went on to have another four miscarriages and I remember all the dates. But we were very lucky to have our Daughter a couple of years ago, she is two now and very excited about Christmas. I will have a think about the one that didn't make it, but we feel extremely lucky to have our daughter.

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