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Miscarried 8 weeks ago... Still not over it :(((

(8 Posts)
butterflyFairy1 Sat 29-Nov-14 02:03:24

Hi all,

I miscarried 8 weeks ago at 11 weeks exactly. Was due for my dating scan 4 days later sad

As its been 8 weeks, I feel as though I should be over it. I can't talk to anyone as me and my partner have now split, and we don't talk anymore. I feel as though I'm bothering my family, too. It was my first pregnancy so I'm gutted... It's not even as though I have a DS or DD to take my mind off things!

My friend is currently pregnant and even though I love to support her, it's so difficult for me. I would've been 19 weeks, and we would've been going through this together. Just makes me sad sad

Does that make me selfish and a bad friend? How can I take my mind off of what has happened? It's really beginning to get me down.. Irregular periods that come every 2 weeks and that are excruciating doesn't help, either!

Thank you in advanced x

MsJupiter Sat 29-Nov-14 09:58:26

I'm so sorry for your loss butterfly. I think your response is fairly proportional given that you are also dealing with a break-up and the timing of your mc, but I also think you should check in with your GP as you may need some additional support at this time - and also mention the irregular periods and so on in case they want to investigate.

I had a mc last Saturday and I know it would be so much harder if I didn't have DS so I really do feel for you.

You sound like a lovely friend for continuing to support your friend during her pregnancy when the temptation would be to avoid the situation (does she know?). I hope you have some other friends around who might be able to provide more neutral company.

I do know lots of people who've had mc and gone on to have lovely families but I do think you might need to look at getting some extra support and keeping an eye on your emotional health at this time. Lots of love to you.

northernlurker Sat 29-Nov-14 10:04:54

You need to see your GP about the periods. I think they need to look at what's going on there. If it is an irregular cycle then for sure your hormones are screwed up and that won't be helping your feelings. Possibly as well though I'm wondering (and this bit isn't very nice I'm sorry) whether some of the tissue from the pregnancy is still in your uterus. You may need some more treatment to sort this out.

Regarding your feelings - no there's no reason why you should be over this. You had dreams for the pregnancy and your relationship and now in a short time you're dealing with the loss of both. be gentle with yourself. To have a friend who still has her pregnancy is particularly hard. Absolutely normal to feel sad.

bakingtins Sat 29-Nov-14 18:49:30

Don't be too hard on yourself, going through a miscarriage is a massive deal, you need to allow yourself time to grieve and there can't be many of us who haven't struggled with the green eyed monster for a while afterwards. Everyone is different but I found I didn't feel significantly better until I was past my due date. Anyone who hasn't been through it does seem to find it hard to understand, but nobody would expect you to have fully processed any other bereavement in just two months, and with a miscarriage there are none of the normal rituals to help you grieve ( condolence cards, funeral, wake, celebrating the good things) It is often helpful to do something to acknowledge and commemorate the loss - plant a tree, light a candle, release a balloon, choose a piece of memorial jewellery etc
I agree with the others that whilst cycles can be different for the months immediately following a MC, what you are describing doesn't sound quite right and ought to be checked out. I'm sure that's contributing to feeling crappy and finding it difficult to move forward. flowers

Wolfiefan Sat 29-Nov-14 18:55:05

I had a mmc with my first pg. I took a long time to feel at all ok. I was grieving the loss of my baby and the future I had been imagining.
You need time to get over this. Look after yourself. xx

babyangelbean20315 Mon 01-Dec-14 08:35:18

Butterfly your definately not alone, I found out I had a mmc just over 12 weeks ago, still feels like yesterday found out at my 12 wk scan,

I also have no children to distract me and it was my first pregnancy

Also my work friend has my due date so I have the same issue as you of feeling sad that it's not me and she's ok, obviously we dont want then to go through the same as us but the jealousy and the thought of how unfair life is does fuck with your head

Having said this it is something I can't cope with it at all so for you to be around your friend is amazing

It will take a while to get used to it all
I still cry about it nearly once a day and I always think of my baby and what it would be doing now

Your not a bad friend
Your not selfish
taking your mind of what's happened is the hardest thing and juste bbecause other people have moved on doesn't mean you have to

You had to mentally and pyschically go through everything so you are gna go through it longer

If you need someone to talk to feel free to msg me like I said we have similar situations and the only thing that's helped me is talking

Xxx hugs for you xxxx you will get through it xxxxx it's sad but they felt your love and they still feel it xxxxx

butterflyFairy1 Fri 05-Dec-14 22:47:25

Thank you all so much for your lovely responses. It means so much knowing that people have taken time out to reply to me.

MsJupiter, Wolfie and babyangelbean, I'm so sorry for your losses. And to anybody else reading this thread. I know first hand how hard it is...

With regards to my menstrual cycle, I'm due on in 10 days if my "normal" cycle was to happen, counted from the last time I had a "period", so I'll just wait and see what happens within the next couple of days as to whether I come on early, or even late. It's difficult because having a messed up menstrual cycle is hard - I have had three weeks bleeding in two months (including my miscarriage). It's crazy! And so unsettling.

My friend had her 12 week scan on Monday, and found out she was actually 13 weeks and that Bean was nice and healthy. She has made me godmother to the baby. She knows about my mc, so I think she's involving me as much as she can to take my mind off of it.

Since reading all your replies a few days ago (I was too emotional to reply!), things seem to be getting a little bearable knowing I'm not alone; and that it's completely normal to feel the way I am feeling.

Thank you again for your lovely, lovely replies. X

butterflyFairy1 Fri 05-Dec-14 22:51:39

And bakingtins, sorry for excluding you - im on my phone and it's difficult to see who said what! I am very sorry for your loss, too. Nobody should have to go through miscarriages xx

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