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Support for Stillbirth

(6 Posts)
Annaelisabeth Thu 20-Nov-14 23:06:30

It's been just three short months since I lost our baby boy. He died just before he was supposed to start his life with us at 40 weeks. Some days I feel I will survive this grief but others I don't know how to look forward. I saw a friend today in the street. When he saw me he darted off in a different direction. I think I only noticed it was him because his movement was so sudden that it caught my eye. I don't know if he knew I saw him. I feel both isolated and scared of meeting people I know at the same time. I just miss my baby. I want him to be alive and well and not dead in an urn. Any support and helpful thoughts appreciated. Xxxxa

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bakingtins Fri 21-Nov-14 13:13:16

anna I'm so sorry you lost your baby. I've had multiple miscarriages in first trimester but can only imagine how terrible it is to lose a baby to stillbirth. I'm sure people are not avoiding you as such, but there really are no words to help in your situation and some people just can't handle that. Have you been in touch with SANDS? There must be other families in your area that have had to come to terms with similar losses and might be able to help, or at least understand how you feel.
You will survive this, but as you say, it's only been a short time, it must still be horribly raw. flowers

DRSLondon Sun 23-Nov-14 18:49:36

I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our baby at 22 weeks and I was utterly heartbroken so I can't imagine how you must feel. It took me a while to to feel like myself again as the shock was overwhelming. The loss of the life i envisaged was unbearable. I started a blog to help me though. You can check it out at www.wakeupsurvivesleep.com. I was desperate to get pregnant again and thankfully I am now. I'm still scared about the outcome but trying to be positive.
I think people find it so hard to know what to say. Some will say nothing which frustrated me, others will say the wrong thing, but most are well-meaning.
I took time off work and tried to rebuild myself. My advice is to take each day as it comes and not to listen to what others think is best for you. Do whatever feels right.
Sending you strength and positivity. It will get better. Xxx

fanjodisfunction Mon 24-Nov-14 05:41:32

I'm so sorry your little baby is no longer here, and so sorry that your friend ran away like that. unfortunately it happens a lot when something so tragic happens. I hope that he just didn't know what to say to you, but even that doesn't make it easier.

my daughter was stillborn at 36 weeks three years ago, she died from a knot in her cord. she was our first child and it took along time and two miscarriages to finally get my rainbow baby.

unfortunately you are not alone, there are many people out there who have been through the same, there is a lovely thread on here in the conception board where women have gathered to talk about their angels and try for another baby. it may not be for you but it may offer you support, or there's a thread on this board where people support each other who have lost a child. I know of these threads because I used them myself. I found that for me it was the best form of support as I could be totally honest about my feelings as its anonymous.

please have a look.

I hope you don't mind me asking but what was your little one called?
my daughter was called Ophelia.

Annaelisabeth Wed 26-Nov-14 01:45:29

Bakingtins, thanks so much for your compassion and support. I have been in touch with Sands, they are great but I have experienced a greater kinship here in these threads. Also I'm not sure the group meetings are for me. Being anonymous like we can be here has been so great for me as I feel it really allows for me to just say what I feel and be as raw as I need to be. I'm not sure I could be like that in a group, face to face.

DRSLondon I read some of your blog and l found so much of the content beautiful. I too mourn the life that I had envisioned. I am also quite eager to get pregnant again but I am so worried about everything. I have taken some time off work and I try to fill my days with things that help me feel better. I saw a therapist today but I don't know if that works for me.

Fanjodisfunction, thank you for sharing your experience and your thoughts. What's the name of the thread you mention? I'd definitely try it. Our little boy was gorgeous. Chubby and sweet and with a full head of hair. It hurts more than I can explain just remembering those precious few moments we had with him.

Xxa

Babyh200 Sun 30-Nov-14 23:09:55

Anna, I'm so sorry to read your story and that your baby boy died....it really is the cruelest thing. I too have experienced a similar fate. My world completely fell apart when my beautiful boy died five days before my planned c-section in July 2012. Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time. It does get easier eventually, the only thing that eases the pain is time. I had never read or posted on a forum before my baby boy died. I couldn't have coped meeting people face to face in RL either but I found a wonderful group of amazing mums here on MN who dragged me through those early days of grief. The thread Fanjodisfunction mention (waves to Fan) can be found on the conception part of the boards.....sorry I'm rubbish with links but it normally has 'Angels and rainbows' in the title!!

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