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Missed miscarriage...feeling lost

(6 Posts)
creativecrafter Thu 13-Nov-14 23:17:17

Hello
This is my first post (actually I posted on a really old thread but a very cool lady pointed me to this forum for help) I just found out I had a mmc. I am 8w+4 and woke up this morning with bleeding. Saw GP immediately and broke down because I said that I felt like I was flying blind. GP referred me to EPU and they saw me immediately. Did internal scan and delivered the bad news. I was all alone as DH was overseas on a work trip. All my family lives overseas so I didn't have anyone. Midwife staff were lovely and very supportive but I just wanted to get out of there and speak to DH. Poor thing couldn't believe the news as just that morning he told me he had dreamt of our future baby. He jumped on next flight and was home just a few moments ago. My MIL was also so sweet and came to see me immediately. She was very philosophical and so supportive. I've stopped crying now and now have to think about whether I want the mc to happen naturally or to book in for a D&C. The procedure itself doesn't worry me but any chance of infection does. My bleeding stopped during the day but has started agsin and is getting heavier so I'm wondering if the natural process has now started? no blood clots yet though. Just devastated by the whole thing. Really surprised to hear so many women go through this. Why are we so bad at talking about it? Now I can't imagine being anything other than a nervous wreck next time (hopefully) I fall pregnant. Why wasn't I scanned earlier? Feel like I'm going through the bereavement process. Was in denial earlier today but now that I am bleeding I'm starting to feel angry. Can I insist on more, earlier scans next time?

bakingtins Fri 14-Nov-14 08:32:53

creative I am so sorry that you've lost your baby. It's horrible that you were alone when you found out. I hope you now have the full support of those you love around you. It is a process of bereavement and you will probably go through all those emotions - disbelief, anger, guilt, despair, jealousy - before eventually reaching acceptance. first thing is to just get through the physical bit. The thread "tips on coping" and the Miscarriage Association website may help you make your decision.
Nothing you did or failed to do caused this, early scans would not have changed the outcome, though might have picked up a MMC quicker. Scans at the 6 week mark can be a double edged sword,they are often inconclusive and you are sent away in limbo to wait it out for 1-2 weeks. The NHS is not likely to offer you an early scan next time (because you have the same chance of success as someone in their first pregnancy 85%) but a private one is usually <£100. 8 weeks is the best time to have an early scan, if all is good at that point MC risk drops to 3%.
Thinking of you flowers

creativecrafter Fri 14-Nov-14 16:12:16

Bakingtins - thank you for your advice. Esp about the earlier scan. You're right - nothing could have changed the outcome, but it might have helped to know earlier. So right now I'm worried about the D&C procedure. It is absolutely the right thing for me but i've never been under general anaesthetic and I have this fear that something might go wrong. I already feel like my body is broken or something - unreasonable, I know but it's the fear and doubt talking.

bakingtins Fri 14-Nov-14 16:29:19

I've tended to MC before getting to surgical management but I did have a general anaesthetic to remove retained placenta after the birth of my son (the same thing with none of the emotional baggage) and it was fine. The staff will look after you.
Your body isn't broken, it's trying it's best to protect and nurture an embryo that sadly isn't growing. The vast majority of miscarriages are because of a random genetic defect in the embryo that means it simply can't develop past a certain point, not anything that you did or didn't do, or anything that could have been prevented.

sizethree Fri 14-Nov-14 16:58:12

Hi creative. so sorry to read about your loss. I suffered a MMC last year, at 12 weeks and it was heartbreaking. Losing a baby at any stage of pregnancy is devastating so i really feel for you at the moment. I was also surprised at how many women are affected by miscarriage. It's this big awkward secret that only comes out when it happens to you. I was really shocked about how many of my friends have suffered similar loses. But found it comforting that i was by far from alone. Which helped me cope a bit better.
With my missed miscarriage i opted for the medical management. The baby was measuring 8+5 days so had stopped developing over 3 weeks before i started bleeding. TBH as i'd already started bleeding and as there was a wait for the D&C of a few days, i opted for medical management.
Sadly i suffered a second miscarriage in July this year. And this was easier at 7+2. it was a complete natural miscarriage and although very sad to go through again, as it was natural my body sprang back to 'normal' much more readily.
I hope that this time passes quickly and with as little pain and trauma as possible. It really is such an awful experience to deal with. But you will get through it and there are happier times ahead.

sadbuthopeful Wed 19-Nov-14 01:12:25

Hi creative
I am so sorry for your loss. I suffered a miscarriage just over 12 days ago, baby stopped growing at 8 weeks but had no symptons until 11.5 weeks when I started bedding. I had a manual vacuum Aspiration under local anaestic as I had asked if they could avoid full surgical procedure, it was quick and the process meant everything was removed once and for all. Emotionally it does take a while but it does get easier each day especially when you hear of the many success stories from so many women who have miscarried. Get plenty of rest and look after yourself. Take care

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