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who did you tell about your miscarriage?

(14 Posts)
inconceivableme Sat 08-Nov-14 08:54:03

Just wondering what people's experiences are and whether telling / not telling has been helpful. Obviously very early miscarriages are easier to keep private.
Miscarriage is still so taboo too.

bakingtins Sat 08-Nov-14 13:18:59

I think you'll be surprised how many women have had losses if you choose to share but it's sometimes difficult to predict who will be supportive and who will be unsympathetic.
I found the best situation was to have supportive friends who knew so I had somewhere to vent, but also situations where nobody knew (at work only my manager knew) so I could put on a coping hat and think about other things for a while without running the gauntlet of other people's sympathy. I could hold it together until someone was nice to me then I'd fall apart - not helpful at work. You do need some safe falling-apart space though.

PossumPoo Sat 08-Nov-14 13:34:53

I've told a few people if it's come up in conversation type thing. For example a really good friend who lives a long way away from me asked when we were going for DC2. My reply was we're trying but just gone through a second mc.

I told my manager and then I found out she'd told a few other people. I was pissed mainly because these people came up to me and while being sweet and sympathetic, I wasn't expecting it and it made me cry. I wasn't ready to talk about it at that time.

ToriB34 Mon 10-Nov-14 13:03:45

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

babyangelbean20315 Mon 10-Nov-14 16:37:15

I had to tell everyone I had told I was expecting
got too excited so had a load of painful conversations, it does help to talk about it to people who have experienced it and believe me there's 1000s of people uno who will tell u they've been there xXxX keep ur head up its a hard time xx

chdmum2491 Mon 10-Nov-14 18:23:21

i told dp and bestfriend, should of told my mum but didnt have the heart to upset her, but i had to go to work through it as shes my boss sad but i didnt feel the need to talk about it to anyone im a very get on with ot kinda girl !

Dragonlette Mon 10-Nov-14 18:28:07

I told my family. Dp told his mum. I told my department at work because they'd mostly guessed when I was feeling crap due to the morning sickness. Everyone was very supportive, but there were a few people who made me cry by being supportive and trying to talk to me about it when a) I didn't know they knew (not in my department) and b) I was trying to pretend it hadn't happened and carry on as normal so talking about it reminded me.

Dragonlette Mon 10-Nov-14 18:29:40

Oh, and I accidentally posted it on facebook when I thought I was posting on a closed group, but it was an open group and showed up on all my friends newsfeeds, but I think I managed to delete it before too many people saw it.

inconceivableme Mon 10-Nov-14 21:05:54

I've decided to tell my immediate family, in addition to my parents, partly because some of them have experienced miscarrying too.

I've also told my friends with kids around the same age as mine because people are always asking each other when they're planning their next one (afaik none have had fertility or miscarriage issues so talk about it all in a blase way) as I hope they'll be a bit more sensitive now

LegoCaltrops Mon 10-Nov-14 21:10:58

Mine just finished last week but was quite early in the pregnancy so not too bad - no intervention needed. I told DH, and eventually, my mother, as she is very nosy if she believes I'm unwell so it was easier that way. I did also see a doctor.

fromwesttoeast Tue 11-Nov-14 10:27:05

In the immediate aftermath it may be difficult to talk about it, but once emotions have settled I think women should talk about miscarriage more. Half the trauma of miscarriage is the shock and not knowing what to expect, because no one talks about it. The reality is that miscarriage is a normal part of reproductive life.
Once you mention that it's happened to you it seems like almost every other friend has her own story to tell and you end up wondering if there is anyone out there who hasn't actually miscarried.
I will certainly be open about it with my own daughters when they reach the right age.

TeaandHobnobs Wed 12-Nov-14 10:28:49

I told a couple of friends who I knew had been through it before, and they were all a brilliant help and support and checked in with me every day. I didn't tell my parents initially, as my dad is terminally ill and was going through a rough patch then, and I couldn't bear to burden them with something else - in the end, I actually told him the day before I went in for medical management, because he was pressing me about why I was going to the drs (which meant I had to go home earlier than I usually would when visiting). I didn't tell my mum until after it was all done - I feel bad about that, but I felt it was the right decision at the time.
I also told my boss, who was very kind and sympathetic.
Since having the mc, I have told more friends and family, because I would want any of them that find themselves in a similar situation in the future to feel they could turn to me for support.

MissWing Tue 30-Dec-14 13:53:53

I tell everyone: family and close friends, because we need their support. Some of my friends have been v v supportive. About 4 close colleagues know too for the same reason but I'm regretting that now because our office has just doubled in size and l'm now concerned everyone will know. Logically I'm sure they have far more interesting things to talk about.

The more I talk about it the more people tell me their experiences and I now trulky believe that miscarriages are part of many many womens' experiences.

All the best OP

SandInMySandwiches Sat 03-Jan-15 18:29:35

I really feel like telling those who say, in a really blasé way when talking about babies/kids, 'oh, you wouldn't know SandInMySandwiches, you don't have kids/a baby'. Some people are SO insensitive.

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