Struggling with recovery from a molar pregnancy

[Amaxapax]

On 10th October I went for an early scan because I'd been having a lot of persistent spotting for several weeks. I should have been eight weeks pregnant with my first baby. My husband and I were so happy.

At the scan, they said that there was no heartbeat or any evidence of a baby. After blood tests, I was told that I likely had a molar pregnancy.

The tissues were removed the following Monday. The physical recovery hasn't been too bad, but emotionally I am struggling. The day after I had my operation, a friend text to say she had delivered her baby that morning. Then, a few days later, another friend told me that she was pregnant. I think that has destroyed me the most. We work together, so I will see her pregnancy progress, and she will leave not long before I would have.

Everywhere I look I am surrounded by babies and pregnancy. I will be the only one of my friends without a baby, and I can't even try for one until it's confirmed that my hormones have returned to normal and there is no molar tissue left.

I had my blood tested on the 20th of October and my hormone levels had dropped dramatically, but a test on the 24th showed that they had increased a bit. I'm now being monitored by Sheffield, but I am so concerned that my levels increased, and no one has told me yet if they will do anything.

I feel so sad and tearful almost all the time. I try really hard to come across as positive and fine around other people, but the truth is that I feel awful. I don't want to make my friends feel uncomfortable about their pregnancies and babies. My husband is wonderful and supportive, and I'm very lucky to have him. But I thought we were going to have a baby, and I wanted so much to have a baby. The worst thing is that I created this. All of this pain and sadness has come from doing something that I thought would bring happiness. And it's a complete molar pregnancy, so it's all me. The sperm was fine, but my egg didn't have any chromosomal information, so I feel like everyone else has a body that works, but mine doesn't. I just want all this to be over so we can try for a baby again, but I don't know when that will be, and even that process will fraught with panic and the potential for the whole thing to happen again.

I just needed to get all that down.

[bakingtins]

amax I am so sorry you are going through this. I haven't had a molar pregnancy but can relate to a lot of the feelings you express about the loss. I've bumped up the molar support thread in the hope that other poster's experiences will help you. Try PMing a few if you don't get much response from posting on the thread.

[sunshineandflowers1]

Hi amaxapax I also had a complete molar, very sorry that you are also going through this too, it's hard to explain and talk to people about and also extremely stressful not knowing what your levels are going to do next. If you want to talk I am more than happy to listen/share my experiences, send me a PM if you like, my molar was almost a year ago now and I still find I have the odd bad day where it all plays on my mind but as with most things it does get easier with time, I hope that your levels drop on your next test perhaps give Sheffield a call to put your mind at rest a little as to what the process is? In the meantime take care of yourself and make sure that you take the time to be sad, for me personally I initially felt so guilty for taking time off work/turning into a hermit as like you say the physical recovery was ok but emotionally was another story! Thinking of you x

[Purplefrogshoes]

Hi amax I'm so very sorry
I had a complete molar pregnancy last year it's very scary and stressful and I did just want to hide away from the world for a bit but it does get easier. I had 6 months of follow up and didn't need any treatment.

I agree with sunshine, take the time you need to grieve and deal with things in your own way, thinking of you

[Flower29]

Hi amax, so sorry for your loss. I haven't had a molar pregnancy but I had a mmc 6.5 weeks ago. I am in barnsley so please feel free to pm if you'd like a chat. Take your time and don't feel pressured to get 'better'. X

[joliechoufleur]

I’m going through exactly this right now. I hope so much that you are well and happy now. Thank you for sharing, it made me feel much less alone