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Probable missed miscarriage-how to get through waiting time?

(29 Posts)
evelynj Sat 25-Oct-14 20:39:57

Hi all

I had my booking in app on fri-pg was not planned so I was t too sure of my dates but thought I was 9-11 weeks. Baby was measuring 7 weeks & mw couldn't find a heartbeat so have to go back on Thurs for another scan to see if there's growth or it's a missed miscarriage. It floored me as I've been feeling so rubbish & tired I assumed the pg was going well. I think the possibility that I'm only 7 weeks is really slim but can't work it out for sure.

I've read the tips for mc thread so am prepared but trying to stay positive for now although worried that blood is going to start gushing out any minute.

I have 2 dc already & have been fine when they are keeping me busy but struggling in evenings. Anyone been here & any tips for getting through the waiting period? I woke in the middle of the night last night & couldn't get back to sleep, didn't feel like reading & the time just seemed to be passing so slowly.

SunbathingCat Sat 25-Oct-14 20:50:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fififolle Sat 25-Oct-14 21:07:33

So sorry to hear that you're going through this evelynj.
I had a MMC a few weeks ago, I found out on Friday 10th October. I didn't sleep for that entire weekend and was devastated. I think it's crazy hormones stopping you sleeping, I managed to sleep well from the Monday.
I'd certainly recommended trying to keep busy but within reason -you really do need to take it easy. I normally have bags of energy but have been completely shattered.
If it's does turn out that you've had a MMC they'll offer conservative/medical/surgical management. I went for medical but with hindsight, would have gone for surgical (ERPC) from the outset. Unfortunately my MC was I completed despite medical management and I'm having ERPC on Monday.

evelynj Sat 25-Oct-14 21:46:53

Thanks for the responses-I still feel pregnant so it's confusing. I had a mc 3 years ago - just a few months before getting pg with dd & suddenly just 'knew' I wasn't pg anymore. And stupidly thought after that, I've had my quota of mc now so statistically this one should be ok, (I know lots of ladies have recurrent mcs & my heart goes out to them, I can't imagine how hard it is for them).

Fifi, that's awful that you have to go through the erpc after medical management-there's so much limbo with mc-I'd rather not have GA or LA if it is a mc but having to do double treatment is so much worse.

The practicalities of taking any 'time off' feel a bit unreal now too. I think I'll have to update my boss as have 2 full training days away with her on Tues & Wed & mw said to go to epu if anything happens in the meantime. I know I'd worry about something happening suddenly & having to fill her in quickly if she didn't know.

Thanks for listening-it feels better just to write this down. Will try to stay positive & update when I know more.

fififolle Sat 25-Oct-14 22:36:54

It's very positive that you still feel pregnant.
I'm just looking forward to getting the ERPC done now, then I can enjoy half term. I thought it may help you to hear recent experiences of the management options.
It's all the unknown that is so frustrating.
I would update your boss, I'm sure she'll treat you with the strictest confidence.
Keeping everything crossed for you xx

babyangelbean20315 Wed 29-Oct-14 08:03:08

I went for my 12 week scan and had miscarried between week 9 n 10 still felt pregnant even after my opweation , still feel my belly to this day and my op was 15th Sept

evelynj Wed 29-Oct-14 18:48:55

Sorry to hear that angel bean & sorry for your loss-hope you're being kind to yourself. I've managed so far to get through the waiting but now am full of dread for finding out tomorrow.

Will update tomorrow-can I ask how long you had to wait for the op & do you need someone with you in the hospital? Also how long did you have to stay in hospital? TIA

Flower29 Wed 29-Oct-14 19:04:16

Fingers crossed for you and your baby tomorrow, I hope everything's ok. X

evelynj Thu 30-Oct-14 17:47:26

Just a quick update, sadly looks as though baby has stopped growing-off to epu at hospital tomorrow morn for internal scan to double check & will probably book me in for the surgery procedure on Monday.

Was upsetting to find out but almost a relief to have the tiny glimmer of unrealistic hope removed. Not sure how I feel now, looking forward to getting all the medical stuff out of the way but this has hit me much harder than the 'normal' miscarriage I had when we were desperately trying for dc2. It all feels so pointless sad thanks all for the support messages & advice

Flower29 Thu 30-Oct-14 18:56:44

I'm really sorry Evelyn. flowers xxx

fififolle Thu 30-Oct-14 19:05:33

So sorry to read this evelyn. flowers
It a horrible time for you, especially the waiting to get on with things.
All the best for Monday xx

Crikeyblimey Thu 30-Oct-14 19:07:35

Good wishes for Monday. I had a missed miscarriage 13 years ago and can still feel the utter desperation of the 'waiting' time.
Hang in there. x

googietheegg Thu 30-Oct-14 19:14:40

What rubbish news, sorry to hear that. I hope you can be gentle to yourself over the weekend and next week

evelynj Thu 30-Oct-14 20:30:51

Thanks all, I think it's helpful that I'd already sort of started the grieving process, though I'm dreading telling the few people that know about the pregnancy. I know that I'll be annoyed by any comments anyone has to offer no matter how well meaning so need to try to curb that.

Yes will take it easy the next few days & do very little. Feeling very up & down-off to watch some mind numbing tv for a while.

babyangelbean20315 Fri 31-Oct-14 08:06:23

Evelyn I'm so sorry you got me crying all over again
If you need to talk then do PM me, it might be painful for me but I can try and help you get through the wait that you have over the. weekend mine was so recent it feels like yesterday

I'm sorry for what's happened xx
the pain is unreal the heartache and everything is jus wow

Monday will be a very hard day for you mentally as it takes so long to understand why its happening
All I think is if it was meant to happen my Bailey would of left me on there own not with help

If u do need to talk I'm here I might not get back to u straight away but I'll definitely try and help u through it as the only way I'm still here today is by bpeople helping me through this x

evelynj Fri 31-Oct-14 21:10:44

Thanks angelbean-I think the hardest bit is the first talking & revealing it to the few people who need to be told-this has broken me every time so far. I'll be ok, just think like you say it will take time.

Only way is to take each day as it comes. Need to try to decide what to tell my ds-it's his 5th bday on Thurs & really hope I'm holding it together enough by then to take him to the soft play place with a couple of close friends.

Hospital today were really good with going through everything & they have a nice burial plot where early pregnancy babies go which was a bit of a shock but nice I think.

Erica21 Sat 01-Nov-14 22:21:53

Hey Evelyn,
Sounds like we are both sadly in the same place, after having two scans with heartbeats, yesterday it was gone. It was such a shock. I have my ERPC booked for Monday, my second in 3 months so am a bit nervous about another GA. Needless to say, I am thinking of you and this incredibly long weekend that will never end. I hope you're ok x

omri Sat 01-Nov-14 22:50:49

Evelyn, angelbean and Erica - I'm so sorry for your losses. I had a MMC at the same stage last year and will never forget that awful period between finding out the bad news and finally having the procedure. Just be very kind to yourselves now and for the few months afterwards- it's so hard. I found lots and lots of tea and cake helped.
I also treated myself to a fancy scarf that I wouldn't usually splash out on. So now every time I wear it I feel close to my little baby - it was a silly but helpful way of passing the time for me- browsing internet solely for purpose of buying myself a treat / private memento of my baby that only I know about. and now every time I see it in my wardrobe or wear it, I think of her smile

evelynj Sun 02-Nov-14 15:14:05

Erica, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow but looking forward to having it over. Can't imagine how bad it would be to go through this a 2nd time.

Omri, thanks go sharing your story, the scarf is a lovely idea x

babyangelbean20315 Mon 03-Nov-14 10:41:45

Sorry Erica sad
hope ur all doing ok
It never heals
every time I talk to someone I still cry
The worst bit is if u forgot u told someone and then forget to tell them what's happened and then they ask if it's all going ok sad thoughts are with u both x

omri Mon 03-Nov-14 11:28:43

Thinking of you and your little one today Evelyn- hope you have someone minding you xx take care

Erica21 Mon 03-Nov-14 18:45:59

Hey Evelyn, how are you feeling today? I'm feeling sore and bloated but happy the worst is over xx

evelynj Mon 03-Nov-14 20:08:04

Hi there, Erica-yes I'm glad it's over too-there was quite a bit of tears in the hospital, mostly just before I went under & then as soon as I came round. Probably psychosomatic but as soon as I woke afterwards I felt so empty. Been mostly numb since with the odd small breakdown. Sort of glad to still be feeling a bit woozy. Going to take at least the next 2 days off work & look after myself-watching a mix of calamity jane if I need to feel better & les mis if I need to cry.

Really hoping for much better futures for all of you who've had to suffer this experience. Take big care of yourselves x

babyangelbean20315 Tue 04-Nov-14 07:25:31

Hugs to Erica and Evelyn xxo

Flower29 Tue 04-Nov-14 11:23:28

Hi Evelyn, hope you're taking it easy, please don't feel like you need to get back to work, I hope you take off as long as you need. X

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