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Miscarried 7 weeks ago was feeling better. 12 week scan tommorow feeling so sad again

(7 Posts)
impatientlywaiting14 Mon 07-Jul-14 21:35:08

I have posted on here before. I miscarried 7 weeks ago today at 5+1. It was confirmed with a scan 2 days later. I feel I have been doing ok, have been on a course which i'm grateful for, for the distraction and now waiting to start a new job. last week i started thinking of my scan which is tomorrow ( I had already received my date in the post). I was meeting up with my friend the day i started to think of it and thought once im out i should feel better. She knows what has happened. Her brother and his girlfriend (who I had never met before) ended up meeting up with us and spending 5 hours with us. His girlfriend is 16 weeks pregnant, 4 weeks ahead of where i would have been. It was constant baby talk the whole time which i know is understandable. It was just so hard hearing them talking about all the things we would have been talking about now and the plans we would have been making and the things to buy.

Before they got to us My friend asked me not to let on I already knew and let them tell me. I assumed she meant to just to let them bring it up. I hoped they may not want to say anything just yet so i wouldn't be put in that position. Then as soon as they had basically sat down my friend goes so have you got something to tell impatiently(!) so I had to act all surprised and excited when he told me. I also got handed the scan photo to look at.

They spent 10 mins on my friends phone at one point looking up buggy's online while i sat there. At one point the girl went to look in a baby shop which again cant be unexpected but my friend also bee lined for the shop despite her brothers protests. Luckily he put his foot down to them looking just yet as hes superstitious. I must admit I breathed a sign of relief. I had to excuse myself to the loo a couple of times during the time we spent with them just to get a breather.

I have felt emotionally drained and gloomy since then and feel sad thinking of my scan. I also feel dissapointed with how i felt after meeting with them as i really thought i had made progress and cant help keep thinking of it and how the day unfolded. I suppose a part of me is unreasonably feeling a bit upset with the way my friend handled the situation. I feel so many mixed emotions and keep feeling guilty and/or selfish for feeling them. I feel i have no one to really talk to that understands.

I just thought getting it out might help. Thanks for listening and so sorry for those of you that find yourselves on these boards xxxx

Catlover2014 Mon 07-Jul-14 22:07:33

Oh you poor lovely. That is just shit.

I cannot believe that your friend put you through that after your mc. No wonder you feel emotional today sad

I know how hard it is, you must be very strong to last five hours of it. I would have made my excuses and left after five minutes haha!

Hope you feel better soon. It's so bloody tough and it takes time to get over mc.


giraffescantboogie Mon 07-Jul-14 22:09:17

thinking of you x

Catlover2014 Mon 07-Jul-14 22:15:50

Just shared your post with my DH. He is horrified with how thoughtless they were. You are NOT being unreasonable!!! X

impatientlywaiting14 Tue 08-Jul-14 00:07:57

Hi Giraffescantboogie thank-you for your thoughts xx

Hi Again Catlover

Thank-you very much for your reply. I didn't know if i was expecting too much of them as the world cant stop because of what i have been through. If i thought my friend had any malice I would not longer be friends with her. She is just so excited to be having a niece or nephew i don't think she realises how some of her behavior is coming across or how I feel. I have tried explaining it but i cant say directly anything regarding her brother and girlfriend as i feel i'm basically telling her she cant be excited and feel joy as she needs to be considerate of my feelings. Its a very hard position.

To be fair her brother and his girlfriend had no idea beforehand that i was pregnant. Also to be clear I know her brother through my friend but not very well. It was the first meeting with his girlfriend. It did come into conversation a few hours later as hes met my hubby once before and was asking about us. I told him out of earshot of his girlfriend as she had had a scare and had to go to hospital so I didn't want her to get paranoid the same was going to happen to her. He said he was sorry to hear that. I think i tried to play it down so if he was to mention it to his girlfriend she wouldn't worry too much, as he said he hadn't heard i was pregnant and i said yes i was in very early pregnancy and the egg didn't take (im pretty sure it was a chemical pregnancy but the hospital can't confirm that, i cant say for sure as there was quite a bit of bleeding) he replied ahh i see oh well its life.

I did want to leave sooner but me and my friend had already arranged to go to see her relative and she had phoned to say we were going to be round soon, they come along as well so it would have looked peculiar me just suddenly upping and leaving an hour after getting there as it took a little while to get there too.

Its nice to know i'm not selfish for having these feelings thanks very much again xxxx

Catlover2014 Tue 08-Jul-14 06:43:00

I understand that your friend didn't mean to hurt you but it was a little tactless. It's ok to feel angry / upset sometimes. Maybe just give yourself some space for a bit. Sending you a hug!! X

impatientlywaiting14 Tue 08-Jul-14 10:15:15

hi Catlover
Yes I agree she was being tactless. I do feel a little angry and upset today. my husband is off work as he had booked today of for the scan and canceled but work didnt at there end. he was just talking on the phone to someome in a now wasnt that a stroke of luck way i had to leave the room i dont feel his cheer. :-( hes going round for a visit in a bit. feeling equally unreasonable and upset at his lack of support.

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