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(17 Posts)
Allthefours Fri 27-Jun-14 19:20:11

Yesterday DH and I went for what was supposed to be our routine dating scan, only to find there was no heartbeat. Words cannot describe how utterly devastated we are. We recently got married and would have been our first baby together, we do have beautiful children from out previous relationships but I feel so empty and lost.

I'm at a loss as to what happens next, the sonographer was lovely but once sent up the to GAU we were left in a room for 2 hours and had to search for someone to see us. A kind nurse explained only one doc on the ward and would be with us soon. The doc arrived talked a little about 'removing the products' with an emphasis on medical management, thrust leaflets at us and sent us home with an appointment to go back in 10 days if nature hasn't taken it's own course of events.

I was 10+3, although baby measured 8+3. I had no symptoms that anything was wrong, no bleeding or any pain. I still feel pregnant.

I finally plucked up the courage to read the leaflets, I'm horrified at what I am Expected to go through, that I will quite possibly see my baby, I'm not sure I can cope with that at all. The doc have me the impression that a surgical process wasn't the norm and I should go for the medical management. I just don't know what to do or To think.

Yesterday morning we were planning for our new family, today I am lost.

Thank you for reading, needed to get this out.

bakingtins Fri 27-Jun-14 19:36:02

allthefours I'm so sorry you've lost your baby, it is a horrible shock, but a missed miscarriage where your body continues to think you everything is fine is particularly cruel. I'm sorry you were not treated with more compassion, you'll see that Mumsnet is currently campaigning for better miscarriage care, unfortunately your experience is pretty common. NICE guideline say that miscarriages should be managed expectantly (wait and see what happens) for 7-10 days and if no natural miscarriage occurs then you should be offered the options of medical or surgical management. The Miscarriage Association website is very helpful on the different options available. I'd also suggest you have a read of the tips for coping thread which details experiences of all options, which may help you prepare in case you miscarry naturally in the short term, or decide what you want to happen in 10 days.
It's a huge shock, be very kind to yourselves over the next days and weeks, you need to allow yourselves plenty of time to grieve and come to terms with it. flowers

heyday Fri 27-Jun-14 19:38:41

I am so sorry for your loss.

iwasyoungonce Fri 27-Jun-14 19:44:10

I'm so sorry for your loss, Allthefours. I've been there, and I know how heartbreaking it is. Be very kind to yourself, take time off work (if applicable) and just do what you need to do. I planted a tree in the garden in memory of my baby, and that brought me some comfort.

Thinking of you both. thanks

Pancakeflipper Fri 27-Jun-14 19:47:14

I am so sorry Allthefours. I hope the info in Bakingtins post helps you. Take really good care of yourself.

Catlover2014 Fri 27-Jun-14 19:58:16

Hey just wanted to say how sorry I am for your loss.

There are lots of lovely ladies on here to keep you going at this hard time.

How you want to progress with your mmc is up to you and you can have surgical if you want to. I found it to be the less painful and distressing option but everyone is different.

PM me if you ever want to chat. Happy to be a listening ear.

Hugs xxx

Mrsm14 Fri 27-Jun-14 20:18:08

I am so sorry you are going through this. I am one week on from a mmc and it is devastating. I just wanted to send you my best wishes. It's a tough time - make sure you lean on those around you x

greenolive Fri 27-Jun-14 20:19:27

I'm very sorry for your loss

I have just been through a missed miscarriage myself (1st experience) and I had no idea what people go through

It is a huge shock and all your hopes and dreams for the future seem dashed.

Take time, be kind to yourself. It is completely horrible but you will get through this x

Allthefours Sat 28-Jun-14 08:56:49

Thank you for your kind words. Being in limbo and waiting is tough, I can't change what's happened but neither can I move forward.

sarahlou20 Sat 28-Jun-14 13:26:08

I'm so very sorry for your loss and wanted to add my own experience to let you know that you're not alone.

I had a MMC last week at 9 weeks. I started getting some spotting and took myself to the EPAU for an early scan where I was told that the baby had stopped growing at 6 weeks. That was a week ago Thursday. I was given the option of waiting for the MC to happen naturally or to have an ERPC. I opted for the latter as I just wanted it all to be over and to be able to move on.

I had the op the following day on the Friday. It was very quick and painless and I've hardly had any bleeding or stomach aches since. It was the best option for me but might not suit everyone.

I'm surprised that your hospital didn't offer you the surgical option straight away as mine did. I'd certainly push for it if that's what you want as I can't imagine how difficult it must be to wait for things to happen naturally.

I hope you're getting the support and love that you need right now. Look after yourself and allow the tears to come. It helps you to grieve and to mourn your loss.


Trooperslane Sat 28-Jun-14 13:31:09

So sorry fours.

It is totally, totally shit.

Look after yourself.

I wrapped myself up in a big cardi and say on the sofa watching crappy old movies and eating crap and having the odd glass of red


OurMiracle1106 Sat 28-Jun-14 13:32:46

The same happened to me exactly 8 years ago. I should have been 14+1 but my baby had stopped living at 8-9 weeks. I too was not long married.

I had a second missed miscarriage two Years later and had the surgical management and I found it a lot less emotional and you obviously don't see the baby.

My thoughts are with you

WightLady87 Sat 28-Jun-14 16:59:57

Hey Allthefours,

I too found out this week that id lost our baby.I thought I was going to be having my 12 week scan this week and have the joy of showing our picture to our family but instead I get to deliver this heartbreaking news.The hospital are adamant our baby stopped growing at 6 1/2 weeks but it had a scan at 6w1d and the size difference between the scans was huge so I'm sure they were wrong.
I had an ERPC yesterday and was shocked that my partner wasn't allowed into the day surgery ward with me - I was expected to sit on my own for hours waiting.Luckily I met 2 lovely ladies who we're going through the same thing.
I'm so completely devastated as I so badly wanted to be a mum to our little Pip.I just wanted to post to say you're not alone an I hope you get some answers soon.It really is the saddest thing anyone can go through.
I hope we both get our babies one day

Andcake Sat 28-Jun-14 17:16:38

I had a similar thing a few years back ( last World Cup so the football is bringing it back) its horrid take care of yourself - the worst part for me was waiting for the op- although things happened naturally ( but that was awful too ) - 10 days is emotionally gruelling - can you take time off work!
So so sorry hmm

Andcake Sat 28-Jun-14 17:18:19

Also to add I had one more mc but now have a wonderful son. Hope things work out but look after yourself for now x

monkeyfacegrace Sat 28-Jun-14 17:26:42

This happened to me too in November.

I opted for the pessaries. I went home, tucked myself into bed in my comfiest pyjamas, and Dh brought me an ice cold bottle of prosecco and cooked me a rare steak. Within 2 hours it started coming away and I won't lie, it was awful and the sheer amount you pass is terrifying.

Unfortunately my pregnancy tests still came up positive 4 weeks later, so had to go back to the hospital at Christmas for a scan, which showed half still left in my womb, so I had to have the op anyway.

I really hope that's not upset you or been insensitive. If I could go back in time I'd have just had the op immediately and got it over and done with.

10 days to sit around and wait is cruel sad

OneDayLikeThis2013 Sat 28-Jun-14 18:07:01

Hi Allthefours,

I'm so sorry for your loss. I found out a week ago that I'd also had a mmc. I thought I was 10 weeks but the scan showed bean only measured 6 weeks. I'd had an early reassurance scan at 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat so it was even more of a shock. Like you, I had no bleeding or cramps or any indicator anything was wrong. I opted to have the ERPC surgery on Monday and I'm so glad I did. DH was allowed to wait with me before and after and the op itself was quick and straightforward. I personally couldn't bare to miscarry my baby at home and it was looking unlikely I would as my baby had died a month ago without my body catching on. Just under a week on from the ERPC and I've had small amounts of bleeding and physically feel fine.

Really is a horrible thing to go through and a mmc in particular is so cruel.

Take time to heal, ignore the insensitive comments like 'well at least you know you can get pregnant' or any comments about how early you were etc. People who haven't experienced it just don't understand.

Mumsnet is so great for information and someone to listen.

Best of luck with whichever option you choose. Take care of yourself x

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