Just can't believe how upset I am. I went for an eight week scan 6 days ago and there was no heartbeat. After being very sick with DS (2), I had had pretty much no pregnancy symptoms this time and had been a bit worried about it, but the reality was just such a terrible shock. I have another scan tomorrow but the consultant last week said he was almost certain that nothing would have changed and to prepare ourselves for the worst. He would prefer me to wait for things to happen naturally but I don't think I can bear the thought of weeks of waiting and uncertainty and am going to ask tomorrow if there's any real reason I can't have an ERPC and just get this whole awful thing done. I am a SAHM with no family nearby, friends with their own busy lives, and a DH who works long hours, and I feel that I'm letting DS down terribly by being so weepy and grumpy. I can barely drag myself to playgroup and feel vile that he's having an awful time watching Cbeebies with his miserable mother. I know I need to pull myself together for his sake but I just can't stop crying and have no energy. I'm trying to carry on as normal (and don't have much choice really as if I don't cook and wash and clean then no one else is going to do it for me) but just feel so sad and lethargic. Ironically I have my first night away from DS planned for this weekend (spa with friends), which I should be so excited about but instead all I can think about is what if I start bleeding or am just weepy and miserable all weekend and spoil it for everyone. I don't know what I hope anyone will or can say to make me feel better but thought posting might help me calm down a bit and be a good mother to DS rather than non-functioning.
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