Surely this is it?

[ots]

I've posted a couple of times this week about my MMC, hope you all don't mind if I share my story, really helps to write it all down.
I found out I was pregnant at the end of April. It was a big shock as I had been on the pill, but DH and I were really pleased. We have a 3 year old DS and have always said a 4 year age gap would suit us.

Everything was going well until 7+4. I had some brown spotting and bad cramps so called the EPU. They got me in the next day for a scan, which showed baby was fine with a strong heartbeat. It was measuring behind at 6+5 but my dates could easily have been a little bit out. Over the next few days the spotting and cramps stopped and I started to enjoy the pregnancy again.

Then on Monday at 9 weeks (by my original dates, or 8+1 by scan date), I had red blood when I wiped after having a wee. Just once, and no pains. Then had brown blood and cramps all over Tuesday morning so called EPU again and they got me in for another scan Wednesday morning. DH was trying to reassure me that it would be fine, and he was so certain that it would be, but I knew! I had a gut feeling. She kept the screen turned towards her during the scan and I was watching her face, trying to read it. She then said the words "I'm sorry its not good news". I can't stop replaying that sentence over and over in my head. The scan showed no growth at all since the previous scan, and she said that the heart stopped beating about a week and a half before. Our baby had died. It was 6mm long but it was still our baby. We still loved it. We had still made plans for it. What made it worse in a way was that it had all been healthy just 2 weeks earlier. But at the same time we're glad that we have scan pictures of our healthy baby with its tiny little heartbeat.

As I hadn't started properly bleeding, we had to decide which way to manage it. I didn't want ERPC at first as I wanted it to be as natural as possible. Then we came home and got lots of information from the internet and decided that actually it was the best option for us. I was worried about how much I would bleed, and even more worried that I may actually see the baby come out. So we decided we would go for ERPC. We went back to hospital yesterday to arrange it and I'm booked in for Monday morning. I had to sign a consent form to allow the baby to be cremated. That really got me and had another good cry with DH. I had an internal examination and she said that my cervix was partially open so I may naturally miscarry over the weekend.

This morning I started bleeding. Just like a normal period at first, but over the course of the day it has been getting heavier and heavier. From 6 til 8.30 tonight I didn't leave the bathroom. I had very big clots coming out of me, a couple as big as my palm which really shocked me. I didn't see anything 'baby shaped' but I was trying not to look too closely! Baby was only 6mm anyway so not sure if it would look like a baby. I passed lots of clots and then lots of normal blood. I also had very bad stomach and back pains which felt as painful as contractions. Which I suppose they actually are? The pain has worn off now (although the cocodamol may be to thank for that) and haven't passed any clots since about 9.30. The blood flow is now just like a very heavy period.

DH has been amazing through the whole thing. He's obviously hurting a lot too, and has cried more in the past 2 days than he has in the whole 8 years that we've been together. He's been such a massive support, and stood and cuddled me while I camped out in the toilet this evening. He's taken DS out to the park and spent hours playing Lego with him earlier to keep things as normal as possible for him. All this while he's hurting too.

I'm hoping that it is all out now, but I'm very much expecting to be wrong. I'm going to ring the hospital in the morning and ask what I need to do about my appointment. I'm guessing they will still want to see me to check that its all gone.

Sorry this is really long. Not expecting any replies, it just really helps to write it all down.

[Catlover2014]

Hey just wanted to say how sorry I am for everything you've been through and for your loss. It's no wonder you and DH have been very emotional, you've had such a difficult time.

A call to the hospital to check sounds sensible but yes it does sound like it's over now to me. I certainly hope so.

Hugs to you xxxx

[ots]

Thanks catlover. Feel strangely numb today now that its all over. I thought I would feel better once it was out but feel worse today.
Thanks for the hug too xxx

[Catlover2014]

You're welcome. Recovery takes time. Some days you feel ok others you don't. Take plenty rest and don't rush back to work until you know you're ready. Xxx

[ots]

Luckily I'm a SAHM. DH has been off since Wednesday when we found out, but is back on Tuesday. I think I'll be ok once he goes back, and my mum has offered to come for a few days next week if I feel like I need help with DS.

I've been crying on and off most of today, my eyes are stinging from all the crying. DS told me to "stop complaining mummy!". I just can't wait to get back to a sort of normality.

Hope you are doing ok, I saw your other thread. Thank goodness for mumsnet at times like this xx

[miracle0812]

So sorry for your loss this is my story to the T pregnant on pill, 7+3 when my baby died have a little pic too also opted for natural I'm on day 5 of bleeding so reading your post has helped me to know what to expect!
So thank you! Mine measured 6.5mm and like you it's still my baby

Hope you're doing ok
Xxx

[ots]

Hi Miracle. Sorry you are going through this too. Its horrible isnt it :( . Its made us realise we are ready for another baby so going to start trying again asap.

I ended up having the ERPC after all. Went to hospital monday morning for a scan, fully expecting it to all be gone. The sonographer said there was still a massive amount of blood and clots left. The operation was fine and Im relieved its all over now.

Hope you're ok, pm me if you want to chat xxx

[miracle0812]

Thank you!
You poor thing going for natural then end up having the op too! I'm glad it's all over and that you can start ttc wishing you lots of luck and good health
Xxx