8th miscarriage

[candygirl]

hi everyone ! i am 34 and on wednesday suffered my 8th m/c am feeling very confused and sad , i was really pleased to find this site so at last i hope i can talk to people who really do understand wot i'm going through and not people trying too, but being so far off the mark.
i have a 14 yr old daughter and had no problems with that pregnancy ,after loosing my dad a couple of years later i was not ready to have another baby as could not face having a baby my dad would never see , anyway!i fell pregnant about 5 yrs ago (not a planned pregnancy) we were all very excited after coming to terms with it but sadly miscarried at 7-8 wks .we were so upset at this but decided we wanted to try again only to happen again and again and again ,we have been going to st.marys at paddington since ,we've had every test done all they can find is that i need to take 150 mg of asprin as my blood thickens to fast,i have done this on about 4 pregnancys now but still no luck.wot do i do now ! any advice out there as i am feeling abit of a failiure for not being able to do something that is supposed to be so natural. i cant help but blamin myself for lettin everyone down .i would love to hear from anyone out there

[MeAndMyBoy]

Hi Candygirl and welcome to Mumsnet. I don't have any experience to offer but I couldn't let your post go without replying and sending you a {{hug}}. There are lovely ladies on here that do know what you are going through and I'm sure will be able to offer far more help than I can.

Take care

H

[hermykne]

candygirl thats teribly sad i am really sorry.
i hoep u have success and others here give u some moral support

[Northerner]

Hi candgirl. Haven't got time to reply in full right now will do that later. But didn't want to ignore your post. 8 miscarriages is such bad luck, god knows how desperate you must fell. I miscarried in April this year so to some extent do know what you are going through, but I have only sufferred once.

You will get lots of suport on here. WElcome to MN.

[Spidermama]

Eight miscarriages. Candygirl I'm so sorry. I've had just the two and they were bad enough. What a lot of greif for you to deal with.

I know what you mean about feeling responsible. You must be angry with your body for 'letting you down' too. I talked to a woman who had eleven miscarriages then went on to have twins.

It must be really hard putting yourself through it time after time. I remember each time I was pregnant after a M/C I was scared of losing it all the time.

I'#ve got no real practical advise, but I think if I were you I'd want to take a serious break from it all. Perhaps go on holiday or give something big to yourself.

[niceglasses]

I want to say hello too. My God, 8 miscarriages. I really feel for you. I have had 2 (but have 3 children). I can't imagine the pain for you. I hope someone with more advice - and there is lots I think, will come on soon.

[Glassofwine]

Candygirl - my old boss had 6, she was also at St Marys and went on to have a healthy baby girl. She was 39.

[candygirl]

THANK U ALL 4 REPLYING 2 ME IT MADE ME FEEL SO MUCH BETTER AS I WAS HAVING A BIT OF A MOMENT ,MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE BEEN ARGUING AS HE TELLS ME THAT I AM NOT TALKIN TO HIM ENOUGH ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND AM TRYING TO BE TO HARD AND SHUTTING HIM OUT. MY REASON FOR THIS IS THAT I FEEL NO ONE UNDERSTANDS AS NO ONE HAS CALLED ME TO C HOW I/WE R DOIN. EVEN MY MUM , I SPOKE 2 HER ON WED MORN TO TELL HER AND WAS IN A TERRIBLE STATE SHE VISITED ME IN THE AFTERNOON (AND DID NOT EVEN MENTION ANYTHING ON THE SUBJECT,I JUST SAT THERE HAVING TO MAKE NORMAL CHIT CHAT WITH HER)and have not seen or heard from her since.great! my husband has been great but i really feel like i have let him down as when he saw the heartbeat the week b 4 he was so happy and i have taken that from him.my best friend has also been fab, she calls lots and has cooked us dinner for the last few days (shes also got a very wet shoulder! and has also suffered 2 m/c herself).i just feel that it has made something so important to me seem so meaningless as no one else seems to understand that we have suffered a loss,even though it wasnt a full grown baby inside of me, it was going to b our baby !i no i am babbling on but am just sooooooooooooo i dont no wot i am but i am trying my hardest to get up in the morning and carry on jus to please everyone else.anyway i,ll stop here and hope u r all ok

[Megglevache]

Message withdrawn

[candygirl]

hi megglevache,thankyou for your message but the thought of going through 14 m/c absolutely exchausts me .did your friend have one after another or did she have a child in between ? part of me says ive come this far dont give up and the other part is so tired and says i have a beautiful daughter i should be grateful for that x

[Megglevache]

Message withdrawn

[CarlyP]

IVE HAD A M/C, BUT NO EXPERIENCE OF YOUR PROBS. HOPING SOMEONE ELSE ON HERE CAN HELP. GOOD LUCK.

CX

[candygirl]

hi megglevache,thank u 4 ur message and dont worry u havent belittled me or frightened me .i think ur friend is amazing 2 go through all that,and her story proofs that there could b a happy endin its just if im strong enough to do it .i am sorry for your lost too ,i found my 1st m/c was the worst as it was so unexpected ,then after that its always a possibility so i got harder with each one .but this time has hit me harder as it has just hit me that GOD I HAVE HAD 8 i never seemed to take how many into concideration til now and cant beleive i have come this far and gone through so much heartache .never mind its so nice to speek to all u ladies,but also so sad there are so many of you going through this.thanks everyoneand i promise i will try and make make my threads not so long.

[whiffy]

Hate it when I see threads like this.

I had seven M/C's in my early/mid thirties, then had DS when I was 37. I am now 40 and am 36 weeks PG. Like you they found nothing wrong with me. I was lucky though in that aspirin seemed to do the trick for me.

There's nothing really that anyone can ever say to make you feel better and I think that's why people seem so reluctant to raise the topic when they talk to you - they just don't 'speak the language'. And besides, there is so little that you can say.

On the plus side you are able to get pregnant and that puts you way ahead of many many people out there, and way ahead of those who carry genetic problems. Try really hard to focus on that. and try always not to ask yourself "why me?" because the answer I'm afraid is simply "why not?" There is no ryhme or reason and there's nothing you can do to fix anything.

I do know so well what you are going through. I hope things turn out ok for you next time. {{hugs}}

x

[candygirl]

hi whiffy ,thanks for your thread .yes i totally agree with wot you ave said ,i think that is wot has kept me so strong, the fact that i have a child already (which is more than some poor couples out there will ever have)and yes i am lucky as most months i can fall pregnant straight away.even though i ave been through this my saying at the end is always "i am so much luckier than a lot of people" i have had friends of mine to remind me of this as they had numerous amounts of ivf and were told they should pretty much give up ,but they gave it one last go and are now 22wks pregnant with twins (how wonderfuls that ! ) its lovely to hear you have had your son and are awaiting the delivery of another beautiful baby. good luck and take care !

how many of your pregnancies did u take asprin ?

[whiffy]

The aspirin I took for the last two - the sucessful ones. I'm amazed that so few people know about trying this - I was told to try it even though my clotting results came out as normal...

[CorrieDale]

Candygirl, this must be so hard for you. I've only had 3, 8 must be unbearable. My sympathies . But I did just want to say that every time you think 'my DH was so happy and I've taken that from him', sit on that thought. Hard! Try (easy said I know) to replace it with 'we were so happy and that's been taken from us'. Because YOU didn't do this. And what you are going through is agony enough without blaming yourself. Please try not to do that. (I know, it's so easy to say... I used to punch my lower stomach, unable to believe it was so bloody useless at the thing it was designed to do. Horrible negative thoughts which, ultimately, didn't help.)

[babyjojo]

Candygirl, not sure if this is of any help to you but I lost 4 pregnancies so as well as taking aspirin I was advised to take progesterone. You need progesterone to maintain a pregnancy and it may be that your levels need a boost too. I took a daily pessary for three months, I now have a gorgeous DS. Good luck you deserve it xx

[babyjojo]

Forgot to mention I told a friend about this who kept having recurrent miscarriages. She spoke to her GP about it & he prescribed progesterone for her - she is now 6 months pregnant!

[wigan]

candygirl, so sorry to hear what you've been through, but please don't give up hope. Was in a similar situation myself (4 miscarriages & no cause identifed by a whole host of tests). With my 5th pregnancy I took aspirin, heparin & progesterone as soon as I had a positive pregnancy test - now have a 7 month old son. Just wondered if you've had a test for NK (natural killer) cell activity? This was recommended by my consultant, but had it done privately as not available on NHS. In my case, results were negative but the treatment (steroids in addition to asprin & heparin) has helped others. Thinking of you & wishing you all the very best.

[candygirl]

hi wigan ,thankyou for your thread .i have been tested for the heparin and told it was not needed and was told that progesterone hasnt been tested for long enough to have accurate research done on it and may course abnormalities in the male genetal area(sorry if spelling is wrong ) i have asked about everything .i go to st.marys next month so will ask all these questions again.i havent though heard of the nk test so maybe worth some investigating thankyou!i am off work today as am having a bad few days ,i find it so nice to be able to talk to people on this site.thanks again for your thread and i am so pleased that your story had a happy ending .take care !

[candygirl]

hi babyjojo,sorry didnt reply to your thread sooner,as you may have jus read in my last thread i asked about progesterone,but will be asking again on my next visit.thanyou for your thread about this and am glad it worked out for you.takecare!

[candygirl]

hi corriedale.sorry havent replied to your last thread,am still struggling with things but life has to go on ,am arguing with dh alot as this time i really dont feel like he understands and the more i mope about the more he says that he doesnt want to try again because he cant go through the emotional rollercoaster afterwards.my best friend has been the only person who i can jus call and cry on at anytime shes been fab!
im so sorry to hear of your m/c's ,do you have any children ?i think if you do have children it helps you get through things abit better as they make you feel grateful that you have them.although like i say it can be very hard for them to understand .anyway best of luck for the future and take care of yourself .

[Uki]

HI Candy

Sorry to hear you don't feel good today. It's hard having the up and down days all the time. I had a terrible day after i went to the recurrent miscarriage clinic on tuesday and they said they couldn't help me and "it's just bad luck " type thing.

It is very hard on the relationship too, i find my dh doesn't quite understand, but i know the last m/c probably hit him the worst and he covers it up, as he would not like to dwell on the past.

It is lovely that your dh wants to talk to you. I nearly broke up from mine for not talking to me and feeling all alone. Your best friend sounds amazing, it is definately a time when you find out who your friends are. I have found there is only 3 people in the worlsd that only ever ring to see how you are. Everyone else blantly ignores it and rings to ask for things. I realize now what matters.
Have you been on the ttc after m/c thread maybee you could come and join us.

[candygirl]

hi uki .sorry your not having much luck at the clinic,nothing more annoying than being told "its just bad luck" is there .your not alone me and my dh have actually split up for a while where things got to bad ,he actually went and found a nice(or not so nice) 21 yr old to talk to.never mind we got ourselves back on track and were getting on fab but now im so scared its all gonna fall apart again if i dont get over this quick.life throws us some hurdles dont they.my friend is great ,same as you though no phone calls from anyone else it just makes it feel like its just not of any importance doesnt it ,but it is soooooooo important to us .or am i just expecting to much sympathy ! i don't no .did you go to st.marys m/c clinic ? and wot is ttc ? sorry if that sounds thick of me. you take care and hopefully we'll stay in touch.