I've had quite a few weeks of uncertainty.
At first I was told this was a PUL and then that it was an ectopic pregnancy. I've just seen my consultant who has informed me that the baby is in the right place but is developing very, very slowly so it's not a viable pregnancy.
I had already accepted that this pregnancy wasn't meant to be when I was told this was an ectopic pregnancy. Now, I've found out that the baby is in the right place I'm not sure I feel comfortable with have an ERPC or MM. It would feel like I was having an abortion. I know it's not, but I can't shake the feeling. I would like to wait and see if my body miscarries naturally and have the decision taken out of my hands.
If I don't miscarry naturally, I would like to have an ERPC as I wouldn't want to have MM and for that to not work and then have this dragged out for even longer with an ERPC. I'm sorry if that sounds awful, it's just this has been going on for 3 weeks now and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take. 
If you have had an ERPC or MM can you tell me about the reality of it?
Find support and share your experiences on our Miscarriage forum.
Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
ERPC, MM or just wait and see?
AlpacaYourThings · 23/04/2014 14:52
alpaca I'm so sorry you are going through this, the limbo is very hard to deal with. Are you being offered management options at the moment? I was in a v similar situation with my 4th MC and doctors refused to do anything because baby had a HB, albeit measuring weeks behind and getting further behind with each scan. I MC naturally at 9+ weeks after 3 weeks of dodgy scans. On that occasion I was desperate to have an ERPC because I wanted genetic testing on the baby, though that's not likely to be a consideration in a first MC.
I think none of the methods is great because it's just a horrible thing to go through, you just choose which is least-worst for you personally. I would suggest you need to be very very clear in your own mind that the pregnancy has ended before doing anything active, or that might haunt you later.
Natural or medical MC are going to involve heavy blood loss and cramps, it is not 'like a heavy period' unless you are very early. MM was quite painful IME, though you can ask for strong painkillers. You will pass big clots and you might recognise the sac/baby amongst them, which can be either cathartic or distressing.
I haven't had an ERPC but had placenta removed under GA after the birth of my son, which I guess is a similar procedure without the emotional baggage. The GA was fine and physical recovery rapid. Most posters who've had an ERPC find it less bad than they expected and would choose that option again.
There is a similar rate of not completing the MC with all three methods (requiring an ERPC or repeat ERPC) and MC association reports a similar complication rate with all three - mostly minor things like infection requiring antibiotics.
I've more recently become aware of women who have had problems with scarring/ashermanns after ERPC, it's difficult to get figures for that - NHS and MC ass say it's rare, ashermanns support says it's quite common....
I hope you can make a decision you feel happy with and end the limbo soon. It's often only once the physical loss is out of the way that you can start the process of emotional healing. Sending you 
at a shitty time.
Yes it is rubbish having to make these decisions - when all you really want is a healthy pregnancy.
I've had two MC's and both times chose surgical management as I wanted the physical side of things to be over so that I could start to deal more with the emotional side. But it's a very personal choice so there's no right or wrong answer.
Yes, I'm going to phone the hospital tomorrow to discuss it. Thank you baking
Alpaca I recently had a miscarriage at 9 weeks but also with an embryo which was developing too slowly, so although I should have been 9 weeks it was only measuring 5-6wks.
It was heartbreaking, but it did mean what I had to pass was much smaller and letting it come out naturally at home felt much better to me than being in hospital - the comfort of being back in my own bed 10 mins later, having a long bath in my own bathroom to soothe the cramps, etc, really helped.
I didn't see what passed out, didn't try to look too closely, and after reading these threads I felt very prepared for what might happen. Feeling forewarned was a huge help. Hope this is useful whatever you decide to do.
Hi Moffit I'm so sorry you are in this situation. I was in limbo for 3 weeks and it was hell, so I honestly understand how you feel. I'm feeling better, just very 'empty'.
I have another scan tomorrow and I've been booked in for an ERPC on Wednesday. It feels like the right option for me. Would you like me to post afterwards to or you know how it was? Personally, I found this leaflet from Miscarrige Association really helpful. xx
Hi River yes, it was on the November thread. It is so painful to think of that now. How happy I was and how it's all over...
I'm so sorry you have been through this too. 6.5hours 
were you in a waiting room or were you in a bed for that time? That is ridiculous, as if it isn't stressful enough. xx
Moffit NICE guidelines are very clear that expectant management is the first line option for 7-14 days unless there is a clear reason to choose another method, but then that you should have all three options offered to you and be allowed to make an informed choice, so don't be pushed into MM if you would prefer surgical.
I hope you get positive news on Friday and don't have a decision to make, but if you are in the position of having a MMC confirmed then having your choices respected is important.
alpaca thinking of you at your scan today
Thank you all for your messages.
Moffit I think you should push for whatever option you feel is right, taking into account the Doctors advice. Don't feel pushed into MM if it isn't right for you.
Oh, a maternity ward . I was dealt with by Gynae Emergency so everyone, sadly, was in the same boat as me.
River thank you for sharing your experience. It's useful to hear the 'reality' of it, rather than just the NHS leaflet.
Hope you have a speedy recovery.
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.