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5 miscarriages and feel no one understands.

(8 Posts)
dildoos Sat 12-Apr-14 07:57:40

I have posted on here in past but avoided mumsnet for some time as thought maybe was getting irritating as constantly repeating myself, hoping the more I repeated my questions the more they would be resolved in my head?

I have been TTC with DP for 3 years, I have a 6 year old DD with another (not on the scene at all his choice!)

DP and I have had 5 miscarriages and various tests on the NHS ; blood tests for all the basics and chromosome testing- all fine.
semen analysis which came back low, however, the GP not concerned by this as managing to get a BFP.
I have had pelvic ultra sound all normal and looks healthy.
I asked about NK cells testing the ignored me!

I have called doctor Quinby and been advised to call when I am ovulating for her to book me in 10 days later.

I wanted to do this back in February however lots of other test results I felt were required back such as chromosome as if the issue was that we could not make a healthy baby did I want to suppress my NK cells to support what naturally would have been a non viable pregnancy.

Anyway then loads of family issues, bereavement has further delayed our ability to get tested for NK cells.

Now I know I am really lucky to have my Dd and really lucky to have an amazingly supportive partner who will pay for private testing, try different mad ways to alter our outcomes but I don't feel I am emotionally supported by the people I need.

I think recently as in past 2 weeks I have had a 6th mc, I had AF 5 days late with negative test, 16 days into new cycle I had spotting no sign of ovulation, took test very feint positive line ! Since taken another and negative on a digital! So thinking possibly had a chemical? All feelings came flooding back of the loss of all others, the desperation for a baby, everyone and their dog is pregnant type of feelings.

So a girl does what she does best and calls her mum!
I don't know why I did as she never actually asks how I am doing, tells me it will happen when it happens, never asks about tests, says in her day you wouldn't have known about a miscarriage, tells me we test to early even at 6 weeks! When I asked her advice on my recent theory she said " I don't really understand about all this " she said it in a really huffy way as if I were such an idiot, I started to explain everything so she could understand and she kept chipping in with " I don't understand!" So really she just doesn't want to understand!
I guess having 3 girls very close she wouldn't understand the loss of a baby or the struggles to get pregnant.
I often get told be happy with what you have (by my mother) I adore my DD but she doesn't realise that although my DP has filled the place 100% of daddy to DD, I desperately want to give him a blood child too.
Mum and I are really close in every other aspect just this she will not emotionally support.

Finally plans for next 8 weeks are ovulation testing, using conceive plus ( new never used before) , DP going to be taking well man conception, I will take pregnacare conception and we are hoping for the best.

We cannot go to see dr Quinby until June as have 2 holidays booked in May and this month with body doing it's own thing have missed the boat to see her as no ovulation and weird spotting!

I am really just venting sadness, anger, hopelessness and all other feelings In between.

Thankyou for reading x

PopcornGrace Sat 12-Apr-14 08:10:05

Hmm did you have a HSG? I was in your position all tests fine except when I had a HSG it showed a little scarring. I had that removed via surgery and got pregnant the next month with DS.

Like you I had no problem getting pregnant. I did however go private for the tests and surgery as my gp wasn't taking me seriously and time wasn't on my side - was just about to turn 40 then.

bakingtins Sat 12-Apr-14 09:08:41

HI dildoos don't worry about venting. I think without mumsnet I would have gone mad, I have endlessly repeated myself on the RMC threads on here and it has been so helpful to have contact with other women who understand. I don't know anyone in real life who has had recurrent miscarriages.
I'm sorry you are not getting support from people close to you, I think it is very hard to understand unless you've been through it. My mum has been a great practical help when I've been miscarrying looking after my other children but I've really felt I can't talk about it with her for fear of upsetting her. I think it's difficult for mums when they feel powerless to help.
After 5/6 MC and with normal NHS tests I would really encourage you to take a break from TTC and go see Prof Quenby. I was in that position last summer after 4 MC, normal NHS tests, chromosome testing on the last MC normal. An enforced break from TTC whilst waiting for a normal cycle, getting a bit fitter and enjoying the summer without the stress of TTC did us the world of good. We got a raised NK cells diagnosis and I am now 32 weeks pregnant. Enjoy your holidays, take the vitamins, have a break from it all and be in a good place to have the testing in June.
We'd made the decision if Prof Q couldn't help us then we were giving up, although of course there is always more you could do to pursue the goal of another pregnancy. She gave us a 60-80% chance of a successful pregnancy on treatment, said it was extremely unlikely I would carry a pregnancy without treatment and luckily for once we were on the right side of the stats.
You'd be very welcome on the RMC thread to go round and round it all as often as you need to.

Jazzydd Sun 13-Apr-14 08:59:48

Been there. Had five miscarriages before having my beautiful daughter who is 6. Seven years ago I saw Dr Quenby for the first time. I have high nk cells and the treatment at Liverpool resulted in my dd. I am so glad we gave it a try. Good luck!

dildoos Sun 13-Apr-14 20:57:05

Thank you all , your experiences, sympathies and advice is really appreciated. I am strangely looking forward to visiting dr Quinby is this weird? I will be very surprised if this is not our issue too?
It feels a real shame that this is not discussed or looked into by GP or gynae consultants on NHS. I really don't mind paying but felt they did not know or didn't want to know about NK cells. Did any of you feel this too ? X

bakingtins Mon 14-Apr-14 07:35:03

Not weird at all. She is offering hope to us when the NHS is saying nothing they can do. I only learned about NK cells on Mumsnet, it was never mentioned by NHS doctors and when I told them I was going I got doubtful noises, but they have been quite happy to prescribe her recommended treatments and I've had all my follow up locally on the NHS. I made sure I've talked about it to every doctor I've seen since so maybe they'll at least start telling women it's available.
I got 1 MC = "unlucky", 2 MC = " very unlucky", 3 MC = "extremely unlucky", 4 MC and normal cytogenetics = we don't know whay's wrong and we can't help you....
I wasn't offered tertiary referral to St Mary's in London either, they don't do the NK testing but they do offer more comprehensive testing for other causes than non-specialist units tend to (I was seen by obs/gynae consultants that run an RMC clinic). Another thing I only found out about on Mumsnet. It makes me cross that someone less motivated to do their own research would likely have given up at that point, or kept trying and losing babies needlessly, when the help is out there.

jimijack Thu 17-Apr-14 21:21:35

I was told that the experts do not know the cause of 80% of miscarriages.

Once I knew that and had every test known to man, all of which were normal, we made the decision to stop.

I was 41, just had 7th miscarriage, went to GP got the pill.
Waited for my period so I could take that fucking pill.

Of course my period didn't arrive, I assumed because I felt so unwell that I had left over miscarriage materials that hadn't all come away.

Trotted off to epau (I'm a regular!) For a scan to check for retained products.
Sonographer screwed up her face peering at the screen& said "what am I looking for?"
"Retained products" says I.
"Hmmm" says she.....
"Am I not looking for this baby then?"

I went weekly for a scan until I reached 14 weeks...and I did reach 14 weeks...& beyond and at nearly 43 I gave birth to my now 15 month old baby.
Although I did give up, it took me 7 years & 7 miscarriages to do it. Turned out to be the best decision I ever made!

Spose what I'm saying is good luck to you all, stick it out if you can stomach it, it's a hard fucking road, but it's so worth it.

dildoos Thu 17-Apr-14 22:03:24

Aw that is an amazing life story jimijack, I thank you for sharing such a positive with us. I often get to the stage where I think enough is enough but not thought about pill yet, maybe I should :-) xx

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