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mmc dont know what to do

(29 Posts)
smilingthroughgrittedteeth Mon 07-Apr-14 19:01:50

Just found out my baby stopped growing at 10 weeks im 13 weeks and had some bleeding over the weekend had a scan today and my baby has gone.

I cant stop crying

Have got to decide if I want to let nature take its course, take some pills or have surgery how do I even begin to decide.

Ive never felt pain like this, I dont know why im posting except I need to let it out

Virgo9 Mon 07-Apr-14 19:43:15

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

I understand how you feel, I also had a MMC just over 2 weeks ago. I like you couldn't stop crying, I just didn't know what to do or how it could have happened.

I was given the same choices as you, I had no bleeding or cramping before my 12wk scan. My baby had stop growing at 8wks, I opted for the surgery as felt I could not begin to move on until the baby had passed. Two weeks later I know this was the right choice for me.

Take your time to decide what you want to do, talk it through with DP/DH or a close friend. You will come to a decision and it will be the right thing for you.

I also posted on here when I first found out. It helps to let things out and there are lots of supportive ladies on here who know exactly how you feel, the pain is unbearable and I still cry all the time, it will take time but you will get through this.

Sending you big hugs.

bakingtins Mon 07-Apr-14 20:00:07

smiling I am so sorry you've lost your baby. There's no right answer for which option to choose, just which is least-worst for you. The Miscarriage Association website has good factual information on all three, and the thread "tips for coping with practicalities" on this board may help you decide. If you are already bleeding then your body may make the decision for you by miscarrying over the next few days, dependent on timescales for medical/surgical management. It's probably worthwhile being stocked up on painkillers, maxi pads and chocolate for that eventuality anyway.
Someone here whenever you need a shoulder to cry on or a rant at the unfairness of it all flowers

AHardDaysWrite Mon 07-Apr-14 20:04:39

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

I had the same thing, two years ago. I went for my dating scan and should have been 13 weeks, but the baby had no heartbeat and measured 9 weeks. I had had no symptoms that anything was wrong - a mmc is a particularly cruel thing to experience. In my case I opted for surgical management under general anaesthetic. It was quick and painless and physically I recovered quickly, and I would recommend it as an option.

Two months later I conceived again, and my baby girl turns one this month. The mmc was the most horrendous experience, but it does not mean you are less likely to conceive a healthy baby in future. Give yourself time to grieve, then try again when you feel ready.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Tue 08-Apr-14 03:50:31

Thank you for your replies x

I managed to get a few hours sleep but woke up sobbing, the pain is unbearable dp keeps asking if my stomach hurts but it doesnt how do I explain it isnt physical pain.

somedizzywhore1804 Tue 08-Apr-14 04:02:01

Hi OP. No experience in this area but just wanted to reach out and give your virtual hand a squeeze at this ungodly hour.

Virgo9 Tue 08-Apr-14 05:18:09

Smiling this is the very worst bit (it certainly was for me) and after the baby has passed you may well feel you can start to at least have some mental space to start to properly grieve.

Hope you can find a way to explain to DP how you are feeling.


Procrastinating Tue 08-Apr-14 05:32:24

So sorry for you, reading your post brought it back for me. Utterly sad.

I went for the natural option at home. It took about 2 days, I found it physically very painful but that doesn't seem to be a common thing. I'm glad I had the privacy of not being in hospital though.
I conceived my DD two months later with no trouble.

handhold from me too.

gordonpym Tue 08-Apr-14 06:04:39

I am so sorry for you.
The pill was extremely painful. Surgical option was refused as there is a tiny risk of adherence. It made me very angry, because I was already in so much pain for the loss and had to endure such physical pain.

I was first given a perfusion of oxytocin in hospital, so I can't be quite sure which caused such dramatic pain. I lasted three days. Don't accept this option if you can.

googietheegg Tue 08-Apr-14 06:24:26

So sorry for you. I had the same three years ago. I started with the pill and it was so painful and I was so aware of what was happening. Then the doc said everything hadn't cleared so I had to have an erpc anyway, which was not too bad really, although I felt very sad when I came round. My advice would be to go straight to erpc if you can.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Tue 08-Apr-14 08:48:47

Thank you all for the hand holding it really is helping.

Im sorry for all your losses and grateful to you all for sharing it makes me feel less alone.

I have decided to go with the surgical route, the thoughtof waiting for it to happen naturally fills me with horror and the pills sound even more traumatic, I need this to be over, my baby isnt there anymore

KatAndKit Tue 08-Apr-14 08:59:20

I'm sorry for your loss. I think you are doing the right thing opting for surgery. I have had the surgery and the pills and I found the surgery much easier to cope with. The physical recovery was quick, but of course it takes much longer to recover emotionally.

After my two miscarriages I had DS and am now pregnant again. Don't worry about the surgery affecting your fertility, it is a safe procedure and complications are rare

GingerPCatt Tue 08-Apr-14 09:04:40

When I had a mmc a wise mner recommend taking iron supplement afterwards.
Other than that be gentle with yourself. Hand to hold and hugs

RedandChecker Tue 08-Apr-14 09:23:07

Hi smiling, I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so tough on a number of levels. I know it definitely doesn't feel like it now and you probably don't want to get out of bed at the moment but time heals and you will start to feel better soon. I too went with the surgical route and didn't want to wait, take some magazines and something to read or do to keep your mind busy until it goes ahead, it's all straight forward and soon after you wake up you can go pretty much straight home with minimal pain.
There is plenty of support on MN so come here to let it out whenever you want to flowers

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Tue 08-Apr-14 10:35:16

Have an appointment with emergency gynea at 11, have got up, showered and just want to crawl back into bed.

I know its nothing I did but I just want to scream why

Dp is trying to be strong but I heard him crying in the bathroom its all such a nightmare

BlackeyedPetitsPois Tue 08-Apr-14 14:33:36

So sorry for your loss. No words can describe the sadness and pain.

I am still bleeding after 5 weeks following my mmc. We found out at the 12 week scan that our baby had stopped growing at 8 weeks, no symptoms at all. I opted for the medical management route. I wish I'd gone for surgery now. It's never ending and I want to move on but I can't as I'm still losing blood.

I hope you eventually find peace OP. Sending love and strength to you at this difficult time. Xx

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Wed 09-Apr-14 06:33:49

Am having an erpc in an hour, I need to get up but I cant because if I do its really happening, I havent slept, I feel sick and my stomach is in knots.

Please please help me I dont know how to do this

Virgo9 Wed 09-Apr-14 06:57:12

You've made the right decision, your doing the right thing. It will be ok, you need to do this to start moving on. It won't be easy but in time it will get better.

Sending you hugs

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Wed 09-Apr-14 07:04:12

Am in the car, people keep telling me to be brave and strong, I cant I dont know how to be when my world has collapsed

Virgo9 Wed 09-Apr-14 07:43:17

It will be over soon. I wanted to hold onto my baby as long as I would but now I realise, the baby was gone weeks before the surgery.
Try not to think about it too much, (easier said then done), I was on auto pilot. When you go into surgery you will cry but this is natural. I promise you it gets betters.

Lots of love

bakingtins Wed 09-Apr-14 07:44:23

You'll get through it, lovely. Is your DH with you? There's no need to be brave beyond the minimum to get through today, just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you've had the procedure and can get home to your own bed, then you are perfectly entitled to fall apart and sob for a few days. You will come out the other side, and on this board we say that not to minimise your pain, but because we know it's true from bitter experience. Thinking of you today flowers

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Wed 09-Apr-14 07:53:29

Yes dp is with me.

I truley dont know how I would have got through the last couple of days without him.

googietheegg Wed 09-Apr-14 09:00:57

Oh smiling, what a shitty day you're having. Tomorrow won't be much fun either. Thinking of you and your dp.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth Wed 09-Apr-14 11:55:15

Ok its done, everyone has been lovely and I feel strangely calmer, still devastated but calmer im so glad I chose this route, my stomach hurts and I feel sad and empty but knowing its over and I dont have to keep waiting and dreading going to the toilet incase it starts naturally makes me feel cleansed in some way

googietheegg Wed 09-Apr-14 11:58:13

I totally understand smiling, I felt the same after my erpc. Let yourself feel sad xxx

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