Han- sorry to hear your sad news. I have also recently had keyhole surgery for an ectopic pregnancy. (just over a week ago) Just wanted to let you know i'm hear if you need to chat.
Addictedtosugar- I agree the Ectopic Pregnancy trust is a great source of info and support.
I wan to share my story as I haven't actually written it all down yet and I think it can help the healing process? This is long, sorry.
I have found it helpful to read about peoples experiences as I didn't really know much about ectopic pregnancy before I experienced it, I had heard of pregnancies that occur outside the womb and not being viable but I suppose as it's quite rare and I wasn't TTC I just never heard much about it. I hope sharing my experience can help someone in some way.
My symptoms started late February. Oddly I got abdominal pains after eating-especially spicy food, this could be a coincidence but it seemed to somehow irritate something inside. It never even crossed my mind that I might be pregnant, which sounds ridiculous now, but the symptoms I was having seemed more food related at the time! A while after i'd eaten I would suddenly get the urge to go to the toilet, (didn't) I wanted to be sick, (never happened) I was light headed, dizzy, I had ringing in my ears, then the feeling passed. It was no more than a few minutes.
I went to the gp as I had to stay away from home with work and wanted to make sure I was ok! he asked me about my periods (were they regular, were they painful, I told him I was due to come on, he ruled out appendicitis as my tummy 'felt soft' and I wasn't in pain and felt fine, so I was told to come back if it happened again. I went away on my work trip and thankfully nothing happened while I was away.
The day I came back however, I had another episode of pain (worse this time) so made an emergency appt to see gp. When I explained she just had a look on her face that was like 'yeah i've seen this all before, you're pregnant.' Sure enough, she did the test and I was. I was shocked but happy. She convinced me my symptoms were completely normal, my body was adjusting.
We went home, had dinner and a few hours later in bed I suddenly shot up, had UNBEARABLE pain in my lower abdomen, my stomach, my sides and it even spread up to my neck (they say with an ectopic you get shoulder tip pain but it was my neck, on my right side-the side of the ectopic.) I couldn't lie back down, It was like shooting pain/spasm? hard to explain. Also, dizzy, faint, nauseous.
We phoned 111, was asked lots of questions then was told to get myself to the out of hours doctor. We went, I tried to lie down on the bed so she could feel my tummy and I instantly screamed and flinched and I just couldn't physically lie down. She did another pregnancy test, said possibly a miscarriage, gave me cocodamol for the pain, said I needed to have blood work and go to EPU. She said I could either wait to have it done (I'd have been waiting for hours-it was the middle of the night) or I could go home and try to get some sleep and see gp first thing and get reffered to EPU. I decided on the second option, finally managed to sleep for a few hours propped up in bed with pillows and dosed up on painkillers. My stomach muscles were very painful the next day :(
Next day went back to the gp. She suspected appendicitis and sent me off to hospital where I had blood work done, and yet another urine test. The gynae specialist also did an internal which wasn't horrid, I cried through it (not through pain but cause of the whole traumatic experience!) My HCG was very high- think it was 5000? so they booked me in for an early ultrasound in a few days time. I spent most of the day on EPU not being allowed to eat or drink then they discharged me.
Ultrasound day came around and sonographer couldn't see anything, apart from a 'cystic structure' which I was later told was a red herring... I was about 6 wks pregnant at this stage so she said it could just be too early, or it could be ectopic. Had more blood work done, HCG going up a lot but not doubling.
I had to wait for about a week to repeat the ultrasound which was the longest week of my life! I was advised that if I had pain or very heavy bleeding to go to a&e. I started bleeding shortly after this conversation. At first it was brownish spotting, then bright read blood for 2 days, then brown spotting for a day or 2. Me and OH were so upset and pretty much had to mentally prep ourselves for the worst. Up until then we'd tried to remain hopeful. By the time my 2nd scan came around the bleeding had stopped. She did ultrasound and transvaginal exam. Said cystic structure was gone and she could see 'something' on the right side with fetal pole and no heartbeat. We had to wait for what felt like forever before being seen again by the nurse.
Then everything happened really fast. I had to have emergency surgery. I was having a cannula put in, blood taken, the registrar came in to explain what needed to happen. I had to sign forms saying they could remove a fallopian tube or maybe even an ovary. It was overwhelming and I started to cry (was really trying not to!)
When I came round the surgeon explained what i'd had done but I was so out of it....all I really heard was there had been internal bleeding, my bits were stuck together with blood, they managed to remove the pregnancy without removing a tube, because the pregnancy was actually on my ovary. They had to take part of my ovary away but it will still work normally apparently. They said I can get pregnant again (there is an increased risk of another ectopic- and when/if i get pregnant again I have to inform them straight away so i can be monitored closely.)
I was in surgery for quite a bit longer than normal with this procedure, my appendix was apparently sticking to everything too. I had loads of morphine for the pain and was eventually wheeled up to the ward.
Next day a different doc came to see me and explained everything again. This happened 2 more times with different doctors for some reason. I felt really confused as to why they kept saying the same thing to me. I was in such a state of shock that I feel like I didn't ask enough questions. All I keep thinking is;
Why did this happen?
What have I done wrong?
What is wrong with me?
What are the actual chances of this happening again?
what are the actual chances of conceiving again?
Were my tubes and ovaries examined for scars?
What if I contracted an infection years ago? (I have always been very careful but I am so paranoid)
I stayed in for 2 nights then got sent home. I've gone in twice for blood tests and the HCG has dropped significantly, which is good to hear but at the same time so awful. The nurse who phoned with the results said to do a pregnancy test in 10 days just to make sure everything is gone, which I am dreading.
I'm signed off work til mid April and i'm dreading facing work.
When I first found out I was pregnant/It could be complicated I met up with my line manager who was brilliant and said just take as much time as you need, and that she wouldn't tell anyone anything.
Unfortunately I work with a very gossipy group of people who will no doubt have come up with loads of conspiracy theories about me.
All I've asked my manager to pass on is I've had abdominal pain and had surgery (what do you think I should tell them? I don't want to tell the truth).
I've been trying to get out of the house a bit and trying to distract myself but I keep blaming myself for what's happened. I am sure I didn't ever get an sti but I haven't been tested before, i'm so paranoid its all my fault. I'm thinking of going to get tested but I feel so stupid about it.
Its a very strange feeling going from being quite laid back about having a baby and now feeling like all I want is to be pregnant again. I feel like I took it for granted that i'd just be able to have a baby when I want.
I hope anyone going through this is doing ok- please let me know how you are. And well done if you got to the end of this post! Lots of love. xx
