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Early miscarriage, just need to vent.

(16 Posts)
MrsPaddington Sat 22-Mar-14 11:56:15

I found out yesterday that I have had an early miscarriage.

I'm not coping, I'm pretending but when I'm on my own it all gets too much.

DH is being very rational about the whole thing. We are very lucky to already have DC.
I didn't know I was pregnant until I miscarried.
I don't want rational, pragmatic talk I want to curl up and cry a lot.
I feel sick.

I have just had a meltdown over a stain I can't get off the kitchen table cloth and lots of family are coming over this afternoon and no one knows.
It wouldn't be helpful to anyone if they did. We are meant to be celebrating a birthday.

I feel horrendous, I'm ok one minute and not the next.

I now need to tidy our tip of a house.

I'm just venting, I don't know where else to vent.
I think I might need counselling.
I'm a mess.

Nomorepeppapig Sat 22-Mar-14 12:06:20

So sorry for your loss.
You sound like your in shock, can you put your family off today? Give yourself some time to get your head around it and look after yourself. Maybe take some time away on your own today? Go for a walk, if you feel upto it? Or shut yourself away for a few hours with a DVD or book. I had 3 mc and each one hit me very hard. Don't feel silly or like you need to be strong. Take care xx

MrsPaddington Sat 22-Mar-14 13:57:33

Thank you for your reply nomorepeppapig I'm so sorry for your losses.
It seems DH wants to carry on as normal!
So family are coming in an hour.
I managed to tidy up need to shower and get dressed.
Why does that feel such a struggle right now?

It's hit me hard and fast I just felt dreadful as soon as the doctor said it yesterday.

I do think I need time alone but it's not going to happen any time soon annoyingly!

I think my initial thoughts that this would all go away and I would be fine are now far away.

I just don't know how to feel sad

MissWing Mon 24-Mar-14 19:15:03

Rubbish. Poor you. As for how you should feel there,s no rule on that one. Unfortunately, the process of getting better seems to be steps forward and steps back. At unpredictable intervals. Which is super annoying if you are trying to appear 'together' to the people around you. try to rest even more than you think, the hormones will be putting you through the mill and it,s better if you're not tired as well as everything else. Feel better soon.

Nomorepeppapig Tue 25-Mar-14 07:18:34

How you doing op? Xx

MrsPaddington Tue 25-Mar-14 09:25:25

Not great to be honest.
In pain, no support.
Trying to keep up appearances.

Just keep playing it over and over.

I'm not sure that a doctor should tell you have had a miscarriage and then just let you walk out their door?

Is that what happens?

MissWing Tue 25-Mar-14 14:04:01

The interaction with your doctor is similar to my experience, not sure if some do more?

Do you work?- your doctor can sign you off for a few days. Also, how much pain and what kind of pain- do you need to go back to the doctor to check you are recovering OK and don't have infection or something?

Do you have a friend or family member you could talk to? Or could someone provide some practical support?

Big hugs

Nomorepeppapig Tue 25-Mar-14 16:30:24

Sorry to hear that op. Do you have an appt at your local hospital for a scan to make sure everything has come away and that your doing ok? Xx

MrsPaddington Tue 25-Mar-14 17:28:15

Just been up to EPU and all seems ok no infection. Hopefully my cycle will come back next month?
Have terrible back ache.
Was sent home with instructions to take paracetamol.

I still can't get my head round that a doctor offered me no guidance or support. Didn't even get a leaflet!
I had to see another doctor to get a scan as I was in pain.
It just doesn't seem right.

Thanks for your lovely replies, I feel I'm silently grieving.
DH said today he didn't want to ttc and I think he meant it.
I'm not ready to close that door sad
My head is all over the place

calistamommy Tue 25-Mar-14 21:36:42

of course your head is all over the place, on top of the grief your hormones are all over the place. I had my 2nd misscarage almost 4 wks ago and we we're left to our own devices also, just like you said not even a leaflet was given. I keep breaking down all the time , getting by one minute and feeling like I want to crawl into a hole the next. my OH grieves differently to me , he hasn't cried in front of me ( I know he has away from me) and doesn't seem as all consumed as I am, which in a way is probably good otherwise we'd be falling apart. these type of websites help me I'm also on the misscarage association site as they do help you feel not so alone or irrational. maybe your dh is thinking with his head that he doesn't want to see you go through this again so it's easier not to try again whilst you (& your not alone!) think your not ready to say never again to trying. sending you (( hugs))

Nomorepeppapig Wed 26-Mar-14 08:15:47

Thinking of you op. Time really does help. Be kind to yourself xx

ReallyLoveWine Thu 27-Mar-14 12:41:39

Sending you big hugs, OP. I had an early miscarriage on Sunday and am feeling very similar to your posts. It's a horrible time. Be kind to yourself xx

MrsPaddington Fri 28-Mar-14 21:08:00

Thank you all for your kind words. They have helped a lot,
I'm feeling a bit better, hopefully turning a corner this weekend. Today is the first day I haven't cried...I'm now a moody angry cow instead! Hoping that will pass, I just have no patience and I'm still all over the place and very ditzy almost in nature.

I'm so sorry for your loss reallylovewine hope you are doing ok, it really is horrible sad

Donnahj Mon 31-Mar-14 22:05:36

I'm sorry to hear about your loss, I too feel like I need to vent.
I had 7 years of trying for a baby and 2 miscarriages before having IVF treatment on the NHS which was successful and we now have twins boys who are 4 and a half. After the boys I then had another miscarriage and two weeks ago I found myself pregnant again! Everything was feeling good I got past the stage I usually lose the baby so was feeling positive (6weeks 3days) we booked an early reassurance scan privately for yesterday just to make sure everything was ok and unfortunately it wasn't! It looked like the embryo is in the tube. Even now I have no pain and no bleeding if it wasn't for us using our initiative I don't know what would have happened but it certainly wouldn't have been good. I'm now booked in for a laporoscopy in the morning to remove my Fallopian tube and embryo. The previous 3 miscarriages I have handled quite well as I lost them all naturally but this one is so different I still have all the symptoms bl

Donnahj Mon 31-Mar-14 23:13:17

Whoops to finish what I was saying - I have all the symptoms of being pregnant, I know the pregnancy needs to end but I just don't want to let go yet ( I suppose still hoping for a miracle ) if it wasn't for scan I would be sat here now still happily 6+ weeks pregnant hubby running around looking after me and eating for 3!, my husband is a but of a Witch lol and predicted twins and always gets it right! doctors mentioned today that because of my hcg levels they thing it could be two babies very spooky and even more devastating. Unfortunately I think I'm going to make sure I don't get pregnant again I'm getting old (35) and can't cope with anymore heartache. Thank you for listening x

SweepTheHalls Fri 04-Apr-14 18:46:38

I'm loosing one at 5 and a half weeks. started yesterday, so I didn't go to work today and DH thought he would make light of me being lazy in bed today. It's like he really has no idea that I'm loosing our baby sad . My mum and friends are being really supportive luckily.

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