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Just want this to be over.

(3 Posts)
RunDMC Tue 18-Mar-14 10:56:00

Found out last Thursday at 10+6 that there was no heartbeat and baby had most likely not grown since 5-6 weeks. Had a scan privately so had to ring local EPU and they won't see me for a week. I am 100% sure of my LMP and conception dates and know categorically that what I saw was a missed miscarriage (my first pg pre DS1 was the same) and there's no hope.

The waiting is driving me crazy. I feel like I'm going to have to go for this scan on Thursday and beg to have an ERPC that day. When I spoke to the EPU last week they were reluctant to commit to arranging an ERPC the same day for me and I know from last time there's usually a wait of up to a week for an appointment. Why is this the case?

There's no doubt. I'm not unclear about my dates, the scan was clear and frankly it just makes the whole situation worse when I've just found out I've been carrying a dead baby around inside me for the last 6 weeks or so (despite my body fooling me with raging pregnancy symptoms - still). My biggest fear is for things to happen naturally - the last thing I want is to have to deal with that on top of everything else. I just want to have an ERPC and get on with coping with the situation but it seems like the NHS don't respect this situation and are letting bureaucracy and policy get in the way.

I get it, I really do, that they have to be 100% that there's not a change of a viable pregnancy, but surely there's scope to make a common sense decision in a situation like this and stop people like me having to go through this kind of added emotional trauma. At a time when I'm emotionally fragile/devastated the last thing I want to do is being having to stand my ground and argue my corner but it feels like I'm going to have to do this at my scan on Thursday.

bakingtins Tue 18-Mar-14 12:48:07

I'm sorry you find yourself in limbo DMC and I agree that it's crap that your certainty is not taken into account. I had a similar situation with my 4th MC with the difference that embryo had a very pathetic heartbeat though was weeks behind my dates and falling further behind with every successive scan. They completely refused to do anything even though multiple doctors were agreed there was no hope. I pointed out to them if I demanded an abortion I would have been given one at that stage (10 weeks) with very few questions asked. Of course they do not want to end a viable and wanted pregnancy and have to err on the side of caution, but it is very tough emotionally to be carrying round a dead or doomed embryo. I did in the end miscarry naturally after more than 3 weeks of limbo.
I think EPUs should at least be prepared to provisionally book an ERPC on the same day as the second scan to limit the limbo stage to a week. I hope you are not waiting too long for an appointment. flowers

Metalhead Tue 18-Mar-14 18:00:54

I know how you feel OP, I was in a similar situation a month ago. I had an early dating scan on the NHS which put me almost 2 weeks behind my dates so I knew something was wrong, but because there was a heartbeat no one seemed to want to listen. I paid for a private scan 2 weeks later and baby had died. The EPU did see me the next day to confirm the result, but as this was a Thursday I then also had to wait five days for an appointment for an erpc, by which time I had passed most of the tissue at home. However, some was still left so I had the erpc as well!

It is very frustrating when you're in such a horrible situation and it feels like the medical professional can't or won't listen to your concerns. I hope you manage to get the result you want on Thursday. x

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