Aftermath of miscarriage

[broodylicious]

Hi ladies. I had a miscarriage on Thursday, early hours, just a few hours before our 12 week scan. Total devastation as you can imagine Its the disbelief that I'm the one in four suffering this heartache. I don't wish it on anyone but why me? I know of course, there's no rhyme or reason and that baby just wasn't well enough to continue developing but even so.... Painful.

My bleeding is slowing down - I'm not surprised because I lost baby, clots and litres of blood on Thursday. In the blood now, however, there's what looks like clear mucus. Stained with blood of course but defo more mucus than clots or other nasties I've passed in the last few days. I just wondered if this is good and normal?

[Lottystar]

Hi Broody, I'm so so sorry you're going through this, there is just no rhyme nor reason. I had a mc in October at around 6 weeks. I would call the experience one of the saddest in my life and slightly surreal. You question yourself if you have in someway caused the mc, which is crazy but natural. I thought about the food I'd eaten, that dh and I had sex, lifting something heavy etc. But as you say, it was probably just the little one wasn't developing as it should be and thus the pregnancy could not continue. The Dr at the hospital explained it quite well to me in that making another human being is a very complicated process and that is why the mc rate is high, as things don't always go to plan.

I would recommend just being really kind to yourself, take the time you need to to heal, it will be devastating now but it does get a little easier everyday. Sometimes the hurt comes back to bite and you don't forget but you gradually get back to life. Trust and take comfort from those you love and stay close to your dh, sometimes they seem to deal with it more easily but I think it's just men's way of coping, but carrying on. I got a lot of support on here and also talking to other women I know had been through it really helped.

Are you having blood tests to monitor your hcg levels? Any other scans planned to make sure you have passed everything? It sounds like you lost a lot of blood, if that was at home I'd just get the Dr to check you out to be on the safe side.

Thinking of you and a hand to hold here if you need one

[TeamHank]

So sorry for your loss broody, I've had 3 m/cs and they have all been a deeply painful and sad experience - and one which is very misunderstood. Are you getting any RL support, medical or otherwise?

[healthyhippo]

Really sorry for you.
I've had two so far and lost a lot of blood with my first mc.
The mucus you're passing sounds normal. You can go to epac for a scan to make sure its all passed. I'd recommend keeping on taking your prenatal vitamins for the iron etc which you will have lost. You should get a negative hpt in a few weeks, if you don't you have to go back for checking.

Sorry again and take care

[broodylicious]

Thanks for your replies ladies. No blood tests, lotty as doc said it was unnecessary due to nothing significant left in there - the scan showed baby and pretty much everything had passed already and he did a d&c there and then to remove the final piece of pregnancy tissue. He recommended I do a hpt when I finish bleeding just to get the negative and know it's properly completed.

It's reassuring to know there's so many women on here that understand. Dh is normally fabulous and he was my total rock on Thursday and Friday but he's made a few comments I've found insensitive today. I'm assuming that, as you say, men move on quicker than us ladies and he's such a positive upbeat person and he's probably trying to help me think on the upside but I've been shocked and upset by him today I must admit. Mum and sister are amazing though and my friends are checking in on me via text and Facebook. It's actually quite sad that I've had to go through something like this to find out what my friends are made of and how incredible they are. Did you find the same? Xxx

[Lottystar]

Broody, I just think men can be a bit more practical about things, my dh had a quiet cry on his own and then just carried on as normal. I wanted to discuss things more but I think he found that hard. Generally though he was very supportive as he took over everything practically to let me heal physically and mentally. We all grieve in different ways. Also as well as your emotions being in utter turmoil, your hormones will be all over the shop too so I think we 'feel' it literally for longer.

I'm glad your friends and family have been so supportive, I had a mixed response, some felt awkward and did not know what to say and others were great. It was surprising how many female acquaintances then confided they had had mcs too. Like a lot of taboo subjects it's crazily common, albeit no less sad.

It's early days for you now, but I found going and lighting a candle at church (I'm not particularly religious) for the baby really comforting and I think others mark the little one's existence in some way, planting a tree or making a memory box. Entirely up to you about what helps you of course.

[TeamHank]

Yes, definitely found responses very mixed - one friend asked me if I thought the twins I'd m/c were "real babies" (WTAF???), whereas other friends dropped everything to be with me has just let me cry and rage at the injustice of it all.

[WeeClype]

I know exactly how you feel, when I had my mc a few rubbish comments were made , after I had mine a few months later I got pregnant again and I'm sitting looking at my adorable 3 month old just now but I still well-up when I think of that dreadful day in the hospital.

[broodylicious]

"Real babies"?!?!?! Oh my goodness. Words fail me.

I know people probably mean well - if they've not gone through this themselves, they don't know what to say - and my dh is a very positive person so he wants to move on and not dwell but I'm not ready to. I need to mourn this baby and get my head around the fact he's gone (I don't know baba was a boy but it's getting me through it giving him a kind of identity and I can't keep going on saying he/she/baby/littlie). I know I'll get through this shitty phase and will start to think about ttc again but grrrr it's difficult to be patient and understanding with people who aren't being the same with me.

[TeamHank]

I agree broody, I still grieve for the babies I lost. I have a friend (not close but she's on FB) who's son was born on my twins' due date - kills me every year .

You definitely need to grieve the baby you've lost x