Waiting to miscarry

[Jays43]

I'm just wanting someone to talk to about this difficult time. I found out I was pregnant early December and because we had been trying I knew to the date how may weeks I was. I had some cramping so to be on the safe side I went to the docs. To rule out eptopic pregnancy that advised me to have a scan at 7 weeks. So at 7 weeks I had a scan (this was the Friday before Christmas) and they told me the scan was showing I was about 5 weeks pregnant. They explained that it maybe that I had ovulated later on in the month or it could be that it had stop growing at 5 weeks. I was told to come back after Christmas (today) for a scan. During the 2 weeks I had some cramping and brown discharge. When I went for the scan today they saw no heartbeat and no growth from 2 weeks ago. According to their calculations I should be 7 weeks. I was given 3 options and decided to let nature take its course. They said there is a small chance things would be ok but it is very unlikely. I still feel pregnant, feeling really sad!

[Twinsplusonesurprise]

Hand holding. Very sad, so sorry for you.

[MrsHende]

I'm so sorry.

It's a horrible thing to happen, all I can say is that you will feel better than you do right now.

Please be kind to yourself, lots of comfort food, comfy clothes and get yourself a pile of DVDs to watch.

[Armadale]

Oh I'm so sorry.

Waiting over Christmas must have been absolutely awful for you.

Hand to hold here.

If you are letting nature take its course, do you need any info about what will happen? Have you had a MC before?

[2kidsintow]

Sorry to hear your news. Been there and it's horrible. I think it's a bit mean to give you the message that there's a slight chance that things might be OK. If they can't see a heartbeat or growth then it's pretty clear what's happened.

The first time, I was given the choice and I chose nature. It wasn't horrific, just some nasty cramping and bleeding, but nothing too bad or too painful.... but I felt it took a long time for everything to get back to normal and for my cycle to become regular again.

I was unlucky enough to have another 2 early MCs and those times the hospital didn't ask me to choose, they just booked me in for a D&C. Things were much more straightforward those times.

[Mabelandrose]

Glad you found the thread ok op. You'll get lots of support and advice here. :)

[bakingtins]

I'm so sorry Jays it is horrible when any hope you were clinging on to is extinguished. I think that often once your mind accepts that the pregnancy has ended your body is able to let it go, but if nothing happens then you may want to consider the medical or surgical options. There is lots of information on the Miscarriage Association website and also on the thread about practicalities of miscarriage
We're here to hand hold when you need us.

[Jays43]

Armadale, thanks for your kind words. Waiting over Christmas was awful but I had no choice. I still did Xmas dinner;) I have no idea what to expect and would be grateful for any advice

[Moln]

I'm so sorry, it's a living helli know, this was me three years ago, some timing as you. Virtual hand holding here to.

[Jays43]

2kidsintow, I am so sorry to hear what you have been through. I have gone for the nature route because I'm worries things might be ok and then I have to make the decision, silly really. It's so hard feeling pregnant still though. I am v lucky to have a 2.5 year old girl. She is so demanding though and I just feel like curling up and crying.

[Jays43]

Mabelandrose, thanks for the advice on where to post

[Armadale]

For what to expect, that thread that Baking Tins linked to above (practicalities of miscarriage) is really excellent.

I found it tends to start properly for me about a week or so after the brown blood.

Sometimes one that stopped developing at 5 weeks seems like a heavy period ie heavy bleed over a few days with clots. Sometimes it is more like a later miscarriage with a period of bleeding, then a definite period of contraction like pain with some very big clots passed, followed by much lighter bleeding.

It must be very very hard with a 2.5 year old, do you have another adult with you who can maybe take her out when you need space or are you by yourself?

It is entirely normal to feel like curling up and crying, it is a horrid, horrid thing. I'm really sorry.

[Jays43]

Yes I do have my husband but he is working a lot at the moment. He is very supportive. I feel a bit better this morning I just hope it's over soon

[Ruggle]

Jays, I've had a natural mc at 5+4 and a natural mmc at 11+2. The earlier one was literally like a very heavy period for 2 days following by a week of lighter and then pink bleeding. Hopefully at 7 weeks it won't be much wore than that. At 11 weeks it was ccontrations and very large clots, and losing an awful lot of blood, but just for two days. It settled down into a light period flow for a week until I'd padt some remaining clots, and then a further week of pink and then brown very light bleeding.

[Ruggle]

P.S. If there's any hope at all that there's still a viable pregnancy then I think you are doing the right thing, for peace of mind, even if it subsequently fails. I am dead against having early scans (unless medically necessary) because of the worry it can cause.

[Monroe]

I'm very sorry Jays what an awful time for you.

I found out just before Christmas 2008 that I was miscarrying. Due to it being so close to Christmas they booked me in for a D&C. I couldn't face the idea of it happening either on my birthday (4 days before Christmas) or on the day itself especially with already having a 2 year old at the time.

4 months later I had a second one. This time I miscarried naturally. I was 11 weeks and found it happened very much as Ruggle described, mainly over 2 days regularly passing large clots and heavy bleeding.

I found physically I recovered from the natural mmc much quicker.

Best advice I could give would be to be kind to yourself, and if possible have another adult look after DD for a while when you can so you can curl up and cry if you feel like it.

[Waitingforflo]

So sorry this has happened to you - it's horrible. Been there many times and agree with Armadale that, for me, it takes a week from brown or red blood first appearing to the height of it (that is, when I pass everything).

One thing I would say, but if you do want things to be over sooner rather than later, I would not take the advice to rest. As soon as I know it's over, I try to be as physical as possible as that moves the process along more quickly - certainly by the time the contractions start, I would always go for this option.

I haven't had one at 5 weeks so don't know if that would make any difference but have found that the thing which helps me most with pain is one of those microwave heat whatnots and lots of baths. Your GP could prescribe some pain relief in advance perhaps so that you have it just in case?

Take care.

[Jays43]

Thank you for all your advice;) I think the hardest thing is that I feel so pregant and waiting for a bleed. I'm worried what if it never happens? I feel so pregnant and in 2 weeks of they give me a choice again I'm worried they may have got it wrong and then it feels like I'm ending it. I hate that decision. I'm guessing though if another scan in 2 weeks shows no growth then they must be right. According to their records though it stopped developing a few weeks ago. Why isn't my body reacting. What if the dates are all wrong and it's early on that I think?

[Armadale]

Oh Jays, the waiting is absolutely terrible, I really feel for you.

In terms of could it be a mistake (& you are earlier than you thought), when did you get a positive pregnancy test??

This might help clarify things for you.

I know when I had one that was supposed to be measuring 8 weeks but was only measuring 5 that I had got a positive pregnancy test much earlier than I would if it was genuinely only 5 weeks into a pregnancy, if that makes sense, which gave me some clarity that in my case there must be a problem.

There are always exceptions, but I would gently say that in my experience, when there has been no growth between 2 scans then there hasn't been a good outcome for me in the end. Not trying to crush you there, just be honest because for me it helps to be prepared, although I always hold out hope for that baby until the last minute x

[Jays43]

I got a positive test on the 28th nov a few days before period was due. My last bleed was 31st oct. I think I would be fine if I knew it had def stopped growing but its this uncertainty of not really knowing :(

[bakingtins]

I think they are doing you a massive disservice by not being straight with you. They are always (quite rightly) unwilling to say from a single scan with a foetus measuring less than about 7 weeks that something is wrong, even if there is a big discrepancy in dates. People do have unpredictable cycles, ovulate late or just get dates muddled. If there is no change in 2 weeks I can't understand why they are not nailing their colours to the mast and saying it's over. A 5 week foetus is 1-2 mm, it should grow 1mm a day to about 1.5cm and definitely have a HB by 7 weeks. If you had a positive test end of Nov the very earliest you could be is 8 weeks.
I'm sorry to be blunt, because I've been there and it's really horrible, but giving you false hope is just stopping you making the best decision for you in the circumstances. If a natural MC is your preference I'd set yourself a time limit on how long you are prepared to wait for something to happen before going for plan b (medical or surgical options). You could always insist on a further scan before doing anything more proactive to be absolutely sure in your own mind that it is over.
I think a missed miscarriage, where the pregnancy has stopped developing but your body carries on merrily believing itself to be pregnant, is particularly cruel. Often women only find out at their 12 week scan having had no inkling anything is wrong.
I've had weeks in limbo where nobody will be honest and tell me there's no hope (bit less clear cut in my case as embryos have had a HB but faltering growth and fallen progressively further behind dates) and it's very hard to live with. In some ways it is easier when it is finally over, you can start to grieve and deal with the loss.
I hope this doesn't come across as harsh. If I were with you IRL I'd accompany it with a massive hug and bucketloads of sympathy, because it is an awful position to be in.

[Armadale]

Oh love, if you got a positive test on the 28th November, and your last period was 31st Oct realistically that would place you around the 9 week mark by now.....eight and a half at your last scan, or 8 at the very very earliest.

I know the hospital say by their calculations you should have been 7 at the last scan, but they were only basing this on the fact that two weeks earlier it measured 5 weeks (when your dates suggested you were already 7)- their dating isn't a real reflection of the dates involved if that makes sense.

For the baby to only measure 5 weeks now because it is healthy but early days, you would not have got a positive test for another three weeks or a month after you did.

I just don't think there is any way that the dates can be that out. I'm sorry. And as I said before, for me if there is absolutely no growth between 2 scans then it doesn't have a good outcome for me.

I second what bakingtins said about setting yourself a time limit for how long you can wait it out before going for another option.

I had a ERPC at 11+6 for a baby that had stopped at 6+2......by that time I was still showing no signs of MC naturally, and I just got to the point where I couldn't take the torture of waiting any longer. I'm really sad that you are having to go through it too.

[Helibelly]

Hi Jays43 so sorry to hear your sad news. I just wanted to tell you not to be frightened or feel hopeless. I have been in your situation and the actual miscarriage was no worse physically than a bad period. I have also had an erpc which was also ok and didn't affect future pregnancies. Emotionally yes of course but keep positive and I'm sure you will have your baby. Sometimes the journey is rougher for some of us but keep going and you will get there in the end. Sending you loads of love x x x x x

[Ruggle]

Jays, my body continued feeling 100% pregnant until I started bleeding at 11 weeks, even though there had been no growth since before 6 weeks. I am lucky I didn't get an early scan because I don't think I'd have coped with the wait having that knowledge. I am currently 8 weeks with my third pregnancy and obviously worried it will end the same way as the other two, but am avoiding early scans so that I don't end up in this awful limbo. I really feel for you!
I still would opt for the natural option if I were in your situation, but I know it's such a personal thing, and it's good that there are options if the next scan does show no growth.

[Jays43]

Thanks for your advice and ruggle I am sure everything will be just fine for you. Armadale I agree with you I am so sure there is no hope just wish it would all be over. I'm actually really scared about the whole surgical route. The thought of a general is so scary. The natural option is the best but what if I never bleed, do you reckon that's possible?

[bakingtins]

I don't think you will never bleed, but it could be a long, unpredictable wait, or on the other hand it could all happen in the next few days.
Have you considered the medical management if you want to avoid anaesthetic/surgery?