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advice needed asap

(32 Posts)
needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 22:10:28

My DW is a member of mn so as she raves about it I thought I would quickly join to ask if anyone can help me,my DW is going through a miscarriage at home I have no idea what to expect,baby passed away at 8 weeks and 6 days DW was meant to be 12weeks and 5 days and its just started so please just tell me what I can do for her and what she needs, I have sorted her pain relief, and giving her comfort,I have a hot water bottle but no idea where she should hold this thanks to all who read this and sorry if I bring back memories but as I said just don't know what to expect,

TheFabulousFuckingIdiotFucker Mon 28-Oct-13 22:14:27

Oh you poor things, I am so sorry.

When I Miscarried (medical miscarriage) I very much wanted to be alone but at times felt very sick and would have liked to be checked on. I think I had pretty much scared my DH away though sad.

Just be there for her and understand when she might need to be alone. Hug her and be with her for the experience as much as you can bear to be and she can bear to have you there.

I am really sorry that you have to go throught this experience.

needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 22:18:45

She is just sitting on the toilet passing blood and some clots she has been there for an hour and a half how long should she be there for and what do I need to look out for like what are the dangers involved in this

Zombieminx Mon 28-Oct-13 22:24:46

I am sorry, MC is so heartbreaking. My heart goes out to you both.

Association have some very useful fact sheets which helped me and my husband when it happened to us.

Once your wife is recovered and before you think about trying again, push your GP for a thyroid function test. TSH in women of childbearing age should be under 2.0... Also ensure that you are both taking a good vitamin & mineral supplement.

In the meantime, cuddles, chocolate and reassurance will help.

TheFabulousIdiot Mon 28-Oct-13 22:25:31

It's me, the previous poster, I have changed my name back to old name.

Is it a spontaneous miscarriage or did she get prescribed medicine to bring it on? From my experience of a medical miscarriage it takes a couple of hours but once passed everything eases off. Keep her supplied with drinks and painkillers if needed. There shouldn't generally be any dangers but she may feel sick for a while.

I don't have experience of a natural miscarriage it hopeflly someone else will have better advice.

It is horrible and it was painful for me but it does get better. Obviously emotionally it is a tough time but the physical pain passes.

fortyplus Mon 28-Oct-13 22:28:49

Everyone is different - just make sure she gets what she wants. She will hold the hot water bottle where she wants it.

My best friend miscarried at 12 weeks and two of us just sat on her bed all day playing board games with her while her dh was at work. That was 23 years ago and she still occasionally mentions it and says Dingbats was the only thing that made it bearable. Crazy but true - her 2 best friends taking her mind off it with a stupid game. That wouldn't suit a lot of people but it worked for her.
It's just as tough for you as it is for her - you don't suffer the physical pain but must be feeling helpless and the sense of loss is the same.

Miscarriage whilst traumatic is usually straightforward physically. I hope you're both ok soon xx

needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 22:37:27

I think you call it spontaneous miscarriage started last thursday , I will deal with my emotions another time as one has been buried this year already, OK I will get chocolate and of course she will get cuddles just worried about her,does she need any vitamins? And if so which ones,

Zombieminx Mon 28-Oct-13 22:58:02

- watch for any fever developing; if she gets a temperature go straight to hospital

- make sure she has pain meds at regular intervals.

- give plenty of fluids

- ask if she needs anything specific from boots (towels etc)

- lots of cuddles. Even if you're not sure what to say just be there to hold her

- a general multivitamin such as Boots own brand will be fine until you want to try again, then a pg specific one like Pregnacare with folic acid

sorry to hear of your previous loss- going through the loss of another is hideous. Ask your GP to refer you to a consultant for further testing. Hopefully the docs will be able to pinpoint what the underlying cause of these MC's.

needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 23:07:07

OK thanks to zombie I will be with her all the way will now have to wait till morning and thanks wish the hospitals were a bit more helpful all your advice has been appreciated.

needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 23:09:05

She has complained of pins and needles in feet and says she feels week and shaky is this normal?

Mama1980 Mon 28-Oct-13 23:14:48

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't help but I am bumping this for you hoping someone else can.

Fumnudge Mon 28-Oct-13 23:21:28

Watch out for blood pressure dropping: this started with pins n needles with me then fainting.
Nothing awful just when a clot gets stuck in the cervix it makes your pressure drop. If you think this is happening, lie her on her side on the floor and she will probably need medical intervention to remove it (I did).
Hope that hasn't scared you, it wasn't bad at all just nature needed a bit of help.

Zombieminx Mon 28-Oct-13 23:28:58

Not to be too personal but if she's spent a long time on the loo, doubled over in pain and anguish that position might have contributed to the pins and needles?

Could you pop a doubled over old towel on the bed and pop her to bed? A sugary drink before she lies down might also help.

Any sign of temperature or vomiting and she will need to go into hospital.

Purplefrogshoe Mon 28-Oct-13 23:35:56

I'm so sorry OP, there is a very good thread on here that may be of help, tips on coping with the practicalities of miscarriage

needyradvice Mon 28-Oct-13 23:45:06

Well got her off the toilet, this was filled with blood and sorry if this is tmi but things that look like liver pieces got her laying down and put a nappy for blood inside her knickers what temperature is classed as needing medical help?

Shellywelly1973 Mon 28-Oct-13 23:46:21

Op. So sorry you & your DW are going through this. If in doubt seek medical advice. I've nothing to add to the very good advice you've already been given on this thread.

I had a MMC 8 months ago, though I opted for surgery. The thing I remember most is the lack of care & compassion I received from my dp & family. You sound so thoughtful & caring.

Take care.

Purplefrogshoe Mon 28-Oct-13 23:53:09

I think the clots are to be expected, normal temp is around 35 to 37 degrees, op if you are in any doubt please call for help or advice, how is your DW feeling?

needyradvice Tue 29-Oct-13 00:55:07

She says feeling week,shaky and looks pale to me no temperature 36.8 I have kept up with painkillers but tbh can't really give her many more she has had 2 doses already,but surely I need to keep some back for the rest of the day?

Zombieminx Tue 29-Oct-13 01:02:58

Which painkillers and at what times/dosages?

Do you have both paracetamol and ibruprofen in the house? They can be alternated, so each drug is given 4 hourly but she has the other drug 2 hours after the first?

Eg paracetamol 10am, ibruprofen at noon, more paracetamol at 2pm, ibruprofen at 4pm? It's late, so I hope that makes sense! Obviously pay careful attention to maximum dosages specified on the packets. Call nhs direct if you are unsure.

Has she eaten at all today? Loss of blood and low blood sugar can make you feel very weak/fainty. Even if she doesn't feel hungry, could she manage a small amount of toast and tea?

needyradvice Tue 29-Oct-13 01:16:05

The doses are of co dydramol are no more than eight in one day so 8 pm she had 2 and 1 ibuprofen 00.15 2 co dydramol followed by anti sickness I bought food she has eaten and at moment drinking full fat coke

Zombieminx Tue 29-Oct-13 01:23:15

I am not sure about that combination of drug, I am not a medical professional, and if you are worried your wife is getting worse then please seek proper qualified help.

That said, it sounds like you are doing a great job and you sound a very caring husband. See if she can manage some rest in bed (she may be worried about soaking through hence the tip on using an old towell on the bed) and see how she feels when she wakes?

Any fainting/vomiting/temperature please get NHS advice.

needyradvice Tue 29-Oct-13 01:34:37

OK I know she is worried about soaking through I have her on the sofa I have checked for how much blood loss and seems to have calmed down a little now,my main concern is she has still not passed the sac yet so I suppose another night of no sleep and do you suggest if not passed medical intervention and which one let it be natural,tablets or d&c? Which one is going to be easier on her I don't like seeing her like this and wish I could take it away from her and go through it myself as she has had to do this not so long ago

needyradvice Tue 29-Oct-13 01:36:51

I wasn't present then I couldn't take watching a dead baby being born at that point,but now its man up time I suppose

needyradvice Tue 29-Oct-13 01:51:34

Sorry if that came out wrong I just was couldn't watch baby being born but was and will always be there we saw baby and said our goodbyes I'm just totally tired I have lack of sleep syndromr ,just had about 6hrs sleep in the last few days

Bakingtins Tue 29-Oct-13 06:52:31

Bless you both, it sounds like you've been through so much. Your DW is lucky to have such a caring husband to support her through an awful time. I hope you managed to get some sleep and DW is ok.
I have found Spatone sachets (iron enriched water) with orange juice a gentle way to boost my iron levels after a MC. Chemist will have it.

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