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Does it ever get any easier?

(7 Posts)
Waggamamma Tue 22-Oct-13 21:05:11

I had a miscarriage in June. I was 9 weeks but only had a 6 week sac with no heart beat. The mc itself was pretty horrific, I haemorrhaged, the doctor had to physically pull bits out of me to stop the bleeding sad and it took another 4 weeks to complete, 3 scans and blood tests every other day. I took a month off work in the end.

I have a wonderful supportive partner but I just don't think it's affected him in the same way. I'm on cycle 4 since the mc and every month just feeling more and more down as my due date approaches and I'm still not pg. I'm worried something is wrong and am waiting on a pelvic ultrasound.

I'm only 24 and already have a 3yr old. I have no reason to feel so anxious and stressed about ttc. I'm surrounded by my lovely 'mummy friends' but they're all pregnant and have second and third babies already. seeing them just makes me feel worse I and so alone. Colleagues at work are pg and my sil has just had her third baby in three years. It just hurts.

Sorry for the self indulgent whinge, I know people on here have been through much worse than me sad Does it ever get any easier? when will the pain fade? I just feel so sad for the baby I'll never have.

Purplefrogshoe Tue 22-Oct-13 21:22:57

I'm so sorry waggamamma, I have had 3 mc, it does get easier I promise you, my first mc I just couldn't get out of bed in the morning, couldn't go to work, avoided everyone but day by day week by week it does get easier, it has only been a very short time for you, you need time to grieve for your baby and the future you had planned, sending you a hug

Waggamamma Tue 22-Oct-13 22:23:51

you must be a strong person to have coped with three losses purplefrogshoe. it's such an unfair world isn't it? I can't imagine how tough that must be for you.

Have you conceived since? Are you having investigations as to why it's happened?

I'm so scared if I do get pregnant again, which I want so badly, that I will miscarry again.

Trying to make Christmas as special as I can for us this year to make up for the fact forget I should be 8.5months preg. dp lost his dad this year too so it's his first xmas without him sad .

Purplefrogshoe Tue 22-Oct-13 22:38:26

My last mc was July but it was molar pregnancy so I can't TTC for another 6 months, I have had standard blood tests and they were all fine, you do feel scared but the chances of it happening to you again are slim, fx your scan is fine and you get a BFP soon, sorry about your DP's dad

Bakingtins Wed 23-Oct-13 07:30:15

I'm sorry you lost your baby Waggamamma it is a huge deal and it takes time to recover both physically and emotionally. I found after the EDD it got easier, fewer dates in my head about how many weeks I should have been. Someone on here used an analogy about grief being like a big rock that weighs you down, over time it gradually gets smaller until it is a pebble you can slip into your pocket, still there and sometimes you need to take it out and hold it for a while, but no longer burdening you. I found it enormously helpful to do something to acknowledge the baby (plant a tree, write a letter or poem, release a balloon, buy a piece of jewellery, buy a charity gift in their honour etc).
You have the same chance of having a successful pregnancy next time as someone who has not miscarried, particularly since you know you can carry a baby to term. It's very scary putting yourself in that vulnerable position again. There are threads on conception and pregnancy for TTC and pregnancy after MC where everyone will understand your anxiety. Do keep posting, it helps to recognise that you are far from alone in having had this experience.

Waggamamma Wed 23-Oct-13 07:34:50

Glad your blood tests have all been fine purple. This must have been such a tough time for you.

That's a lovely analogy Baking quite fitting I think. I know I am likely to have a healtht baby at some point it's just all the waiting and worrying seems to be holding me back from moving on.

purple84 Sat 26-Oct-13 09:43:41

Waggamamma So sorry for your loss, never think your loss your is any less important than anyone else's and don't be so sure that it hasn't affected your partner, my DH was very good at being strong for me but he was going through just as much as me, maybe not physically but definitely emotionally but he wanted to support me and not worry me.

I know how you feel, trying to set dates to be pregnant by, so the thought of the EDD doesn't seem as bad, but don't put that pressure on yourself, Good luck for your future pregnancy xx

Bakingtins that really is a great analogy and I will remember that.

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