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Does anyone feel like another baby is the only way to heal the pain ?

(32 Posts)
jnl0612 Sat 28-Sep-13 20:57:23

I mmc at 16 weeks in May, I'm lucky enough to have 2dd's but I feel like the pain will not go away until I'm pregnant again. Does anyone else feel this way or am I just going crazy ? It's devastated me more than I ever imagined.

tsw Thu 14-Nov-13 15:10:05

I think this is entirely natural. Your arms yearn for that baby you had been promised but had so cruelly taken away from you.

Some ladies are too afraid to try in case it happens again but from my experience most are desperate to fill that void. It is very difficult to explain what that feeling is & to explain that it is not an attempt at replacing your lost child.

Currently, I am 20 weeks pregnant after getting pregnant 1st time after receiving our post mortem results for my son who I lost in March at 38 weeks. I researched everything under the sun before I found out I was pregnant again & googled all day every day all that I could. I scared myself silly most days, to be honest. I had given up hope the month we conceived as we only had one shot at it & I cried for days that I had wasted a cycle - that was how desperate I was for my baby! I do believe that the way in which I convinced myself my hope was lost left me the opportunity to relax in a strange way as I was 100% sure I wouldn't be successful that month. They do say relaxing is the best way to get pregnant. smile

For those asking, I was 26 when I was pregnant with my 1st & 27 when I found out I was expecting with my current pregnancy.

It is a horrible experience & I have to say pregnancy isn't much better with the worrying about every twinge. We all just have to be strong & try to get past this awful experience & that hope that we will be sat holding a baby once again is what helps us all through this.

Chacha23 Tue 08-Oct-13 16:04:58

oh, something else I wanted to say: when I was having my erpc, the surgeon told me I should wait at least 6 months before trying again, so I could heal psychologically. That was SUCH rubbish, if anyone tells you that don't listen to them. I knew I wanted to ttc straight away, and I'm so glad I didn't wait.

so sorry for everyone's losses. ((hugs))

LittleTulip Tue 08-Oct-13 15:58:04

Yes I feel like I'm desperate for a baby :-(
I lost my little boy at 25+5 6 weeks ago today and it's all I can think about.

I'm 30 but it took us 18 months to get pregnant. I suppose at least this time round I know that we are able to conceive! Doesn't make it less stressful though..

Chacha23 Tue 08-Oct-13 15:51:00

Nutcracker, I am 30. I think in a weird way, my MC helped me get pregnant again quickly, because at least I knew I was fertile and it could happen, if you know what I mean? So I was less stressed about ttc, and it happened faster than the first time we tried.

Makqueen2 Tue 08-Oct-13 14:04:00

(She confided in me as she had had a mc a couple of months before me and the other one was at the end of last year).

Makqueen2 Tue 08-Oct-13 14:03:02

Nutcracker, I am 33.

One of ds friends mums confided in me after I'd had my mc that she had had two mc after her ds (11), she is a few weeks behind me now, 13 weeks and she is 42.

NutcrackerFairy Tue 08-Oct-13 13:54:45

Those of you who managed to get pregnant again so soon after your mc, do you mind if I ask how old you were when you conceived the second time?

It's just that I am now 40 and panicking a bit about it... so on second thoughts if you are 25 perhaps don't tell me smile

So sorry for your earlier losses too flowers

Makqueen2 Tue 08-Oct-13 11:53:21

It was for me. I had a mmc diagnosed in April and miscarried it naturally in May (4 weeks passed between being told and miscarrying, it only all bit me a couple of months ago how hard it actually was).

I was desparatly sad. I also had to keep hearing about all the royal baby bulshit hysteria that was everywhere.

I feel pregnant again in July. Touch wood all is well and I glad that I pregnant and won't have to face that baby's due date at the beginning of November still hurting as much as I would have been if I hadn't been pregnant again.

kitkat321 Sun 06-Oct-13 22:20:20

For me, as someone who fell pregnant not quite by accident but it was certainly a surprise and much quicker than expected, what it has highlighted as that both me and my OH are very keen to have a baby and have more of a proactive determination to get pg again - and soon!

That's the positive that I'm taking out of this whole experience and I'm clinging on to that!

Chacha23 Sun 06-Oct-13 10:39:11

Yes, definitely. It was the only thought keeping me sane after my ERPC.

That being said I'm not sure the pain ever completely goes away. I was lucky enough to become pregnant again soon after my MC, and it's been almost a year now, but I'm still super sensitive to the topic. The other day I was watching a movie in which an early MC happens, and I just burst into tears. Was not expecting that.

barkingtreefrog Thu 03-Oct-13 21:12:29

jimijack so pleased you finally had your happy ending.

jnl yep, same here. Was ttc first baby for 22 cycles then mc last month. Desperately waiting for AF to return so I can start taking clomid again and return to ttc. I think being pg again is going to be the only thing that will help me cope with pg friend whose edd is within days of when mine would have been.

emogirly6 Thu 03-Oct-13 16:14:12

I mmc with twins in July and got pregnant straight after. had an ectopic and lost that one too a week ago. I'm so desperate for a baby its all I think of, I feel like I am cursed and that the pain won't go till I get pregnant again. Think a good idea is to go with your GP's advice and therapy, this may be useful for you, im rite there with you girl xx feel your pain,
big love xxx

Honey786 Sun 29-Sep-13 16:57:41

Hi jnl,
I completely understand the feeling. I mmc in March this year and was devastated. I had this desperate need to be pregnant again and could think of nothing else. We ttc as soon as AF returned because I felt that getting pregnant would heal my pain and help me cope with the months ahead leading up to what would have been the expected due date, which was last week. I was right, I got a BFP in August and it helped me a great deal to get through last week, although I'm terrified at the moment of it happening again.
You are not crazy and I hope things work out for u, my thoughts are with you x

FrillsandLaces Sun 29-Sep-13 16:50:29

That's awful jnl, im really sorry xxx people in general can be quite horrible cant they xx

FluffyDucky Sun 29-Sep-13 12:54:01

I'm so glad this thread is here! My thoughts are just dominated with being pg again. I had a termination in June at 15 weeks after finding out baby was not going to survive, it feels like so much time has passed! I'm now always thinking about that feeling of being pg sad
My boss at work is pg, about 5 weeks behind where I was, it hurts so much to see her bump every day (but I am so happy for her) and where I work we get a lot of customers with babies etc.. shopping.
It's so scary wanting to try again

jimijack Sun 29-Sep-13 10:21:46

Yes this is how I felt too.

Even now I'm struggling to end what became an obsession.

6 years later & 7 miscarriages suffered I now have my baby boy.

I couldn't/wouldn't give up. I still can't believe it's over and my precious little chap is here, at last.

All the very best to you all.

MissRabbitRules Sun 29-Sep-13 10:08:07

Frills so sorry to hear about your losses. If you do want to talk about your DS there are lots of lovely people here who will listen and try to help.

Jnl it defies believe that anyone would say they were glad for a lost baby (regardless of the stage of life).

Fingers crossed that we all get those sticky beans soon x

RufousBartleby Sun 29-Sep-13 08:09:54

Oh Frills thats heartbreaking - not surprised you cant face anyone pregnant, life is so unfair.

jnl0612 Sun 29-Sep-13 07:56:02

Ohgoodness frills that's awful hmm really sorry about your son.
My family weren't the best to me about losing the baby, the didn't approve of me having a 3rd so admitted they were glad.
Why are families so shitty sometimes

FrillsandLaces Sun 29-Sep-13 05:55:09

I honestly thought I was a horrible person for feeling like this! Ive been desperate for another baby since my son died in march, he was my first baby and I so wanted him. He was 3 months early but so lovely. I got pregnant again in June but lost it in July, it was due on my sons original due date aswell so I really thought that it was a present from my son.

I also deleted pregnant people off my Facebook ect. My closest friend had her daughter 3 weeks after I had my son and met her for the first time last week and it was so hard, I actually cried there and then it was lovely and awful at the same time.

I really do feel the only thing I can do to help is to have another baby, I think about my son everyday, he'd be 6 months old now. 6 months. Most people dont let me talk about him they'll change the subject l, my partners family were horrific to him when our son was dying so im still really angry over that and rant about it at least once a week.

When I got pregnant again in June id seem a shotting star and as daft as it sounds I wished to be pregnant again, I often wonder if I should of wished for a healthy pregnancy instead

MabelMay Sun 29-Sep-13 04:42:10

jnl, yes I feel exactly like this.
2nd MC this year (a MMC end of July). Desperately want to get PG again but also so scared of what it'll bring. But can't imagine being totally happy again until I am. Sad eh.

Luisa72 Sat 28-Sep-13 22:45:32

Yes I think the same. My due date was early April. I'm defo going to try again. At the mo I cant imagine my body feeling normal again as physically all over the place since mc this week. Hoping that getting away next weekend might help. All the best to all of us as we stick in there - through this dark tunnel of deep pain. xx

MissRabbitRules Sat 28-Sep-13 22:45:23

Completely understand. I had a MC in March 2011 when trying to conceive DC1. There was never any doubt that I would just keep going with TTC. Luckily for me I got a BFP 2 months later. DD is now 2.5.
Started TTC DC2 in June. BFP in August, but sadly MC just over 2 weeks ago. Had MC confirmed the day a colleague announced she was pg with DC2. I am really pleased for her as she has not had an easy time, but am really struggling talking to her as she is due a month before I would have been. I am really hoping not to hear of any more pregnancies anytime soon.
Btw I was 37 when I conceived DC1 and am now 39 so don't give up hope too soon Notspatucus

lighthousesea Sat 28-Sep-13 22:26:21

Yes, me too. Mmc at 12 weeks. Now all I can think about is being pregnant again. Sending luck to you all

bonzo77 Sat 28-Sep-13 22:19:13

Yes. I was desperate to get pg before the due date of the baby I lost. I was. But I ended up with a due date that was also the anniversary of my ERPC! Baby was a month early, and we were home well before the anniversary. I'll still remember those key dates though. Maybe forever.

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