Found out i have a blighted ovum - what's best?

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hi all,

Sadly i had a scan today at 7 weeks, a sac measuring 21mm but empty so have been diagnosed with a blighted ovum. :'( Am absolutely devestated but am trying to deal with it as i have a lo from a previous relationship who i obviously adore, but still very sad for me and my current partner.

I have to go back next thursday for a standard scan again then to see a consultant to decide what's best. I've been told i can either have an ERPC or wait to miscarry naturally? What are peoples experiences of this? Obviously the idea of an op is always scary but i'm worried if i do let nature take its course it will take a long time and it's so painful right now, still having symptoms but knowing nothing is there.

Anyone have any experience of this?

Thank you x

[Ruggle]

Hi
Sorry for your loss!
I recently miscarried naturally at 11 weeks, but had an emergency scan (being a weekend) using an old scanner that showed a sac but no "obvious" foetus, so they thought it had died very early on, or possibly that it was a blighted ovum. There's no way they could tell as I lost it before I got to have a proper scan.
Up to 11 weeks I still felt pregnant and my body didn't seem to realise what had happened until then. Everyone is different though.
Even if I had found out early on I think I still would have waited it out....though I'm glad I didn't know at the time as it was my first pregnancy.

Sorry you are having to experience this.
x

[DownstairsMixUp]

Thank you for your message. Still trying to weigh out the pros and cons, hoping next thursday once i speak to someone again I'm a bit clearer at what i want to do? One part of me just wants it over with as i still feel pregnant but know there's no baby. it's awfully sad.

How are you recovering emotionally?

[Ruggle]

I'm feeling Ok at the moment, though I am still waiting for my first AF and wonder if that will spark off the emotions again.
The first week was terrible, but I think it was due to the crash in hormones. Crying at anything and everything. That will happen whichever option you choose, I'd imagine. I'm feeling very positive now, and hoping to try again soon.

[petal86]

Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I am going through the exact same thing at the moment. I was admitted to hospital on Sunday with hyperemesis, had an early scan on Tuesday that showed I had a blighted ovum. I was just over seven weeks.

My partner and I are devastated as this was our first pregnancy and we are struggling to come to terms with it. We are both incredibly sad.

I have decided on the surgery option, and am going in tomorrow to have it done. My reasoning behind the decision is that I need it to be over, the thought of carrying 'nothing' around upsets me more, and I hope it will help me deal with what has happened quicker, rather than having to wait for nature to take it's course. I am still suffering from sickness, and hope the surgery will help this stop sooner too.

Having said that, I am very scarred about tomorrow, and trying not to think about it too much, but believe this is the right decision for me.

I don't know if this will help or not, but I hope you find the right thing for you.

Best wishes

[DownstairsMixUp]

Thank you for your replies. Right now I'm still confused keep blaming myself and I'm scared to try again incase this happens again. I feel like a failure :-( please let me know how your surgery goes and best wishes for tomorrow. X

Ruggle I hope AF turns up soon. Have you been using ovulation sticks or anything?

[DownstairsMixUp]

I think i have decided to have the op :(

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hey all,

did anyone else have to wait a week after discovering the blighted ovum? I have to go back on thursday for a second scan just to see the empty sac again. Hate knowing i'm carrying "nothing" and can't just move on with it. Why can't i just have the operation? :(

[pizzaqueen]

downstairs I am so sorry! I remember you from the JSing thread. Miscarriage is such a heartbreaking thing. You'll be on a roller coaster of emotions just now. Be kind to yourself and take all the time you need off work. I took 4 weeks in the end.

if i was to go back in time id definitely ask for erpc. As my bleeding last five weeks (although for other people it can be over really quickly) I was very ill from thr blood loss and had to go for blood test every second day and a scan once a week. I felt this really held me back from moving on and i could have got back to 'normal' much quicker if I'd had the surgery. Every one's experience is different though and you have to do what's right for you.

[pizzaqueen]

sorry for cross post I started writing that post and didn't see yours. Yes I had to wait a week between scans just to make sure my dates weren't wrong. Even though i was pretty sure on my dates they made me start to doubt it and it gave me a bit of false hope. DP was sure we'd go for the second scan and see a heart beat and I read lots of positive stories ablut bleeding in pregnancy. Even after my second scan I had to wajt another week to confirm but before that week was up I gaf hemmoraghed and went to a&e.

Please be insistang if you are sure onbyour dates because all the waiting is utter hell.

[petal86]

Hi downstairs,

Sorry in advance for the long post...

I have been home from the hospital for a couple of hours now and not feeling too bad. I am very glad the whole thing is over, but I am sure I made the right decision.

It has been a very emotional day and there were some very difficult parts of the day. The nurses took very good care of me and were very sensitive to how I was feeling. I cannot praise them enough.

When I got to hospital, a nurse came and talked me through the practical bits. A bit later the doctor came and spoke to me. I explained that I didn't want him to talk about the actual procedure and he respected my wishes.

One thing that upset was that the nurse had to insert some vaginal pessaries (sorry if that's too much info), and while it didn't hurt, it was a bit uncomfortable and I found upsetting, but it was over quickly.

When I went down to theatre I was very scared and tearful. I have never had a general anaesthetic, so I didn't know what to expect. I told the nurse how I was feeling and she helped me relax. I don't remember falling asleep, but it seemed really quick. Over all I was out for about an hour.

It feels like I am having my period, so I am a bit uncomfortable, but the painkillers are helping. Emotionally i am ok, very glad it's over, and feeling extremely tired. My husband has been amazing and I couldn't have done it without him.

If there is anything you want to know/ask, please ask, I don't mind and I will try and answer it.

I hope you are doing ok

All the best.

[DownstairsMixUp]

Thank you all so much, i am literally crying reading these replies, I've not cried properly since I found out, tried to be strong for my son who is four on tuesday. pizzaqueen i have no hope, the sac was very empty, I found the whole vaginal scan thing uncomfortable to as i have a tilted uterus so it was a lot of fiddling about. I don't know how i managed to not cry. I felt a bit numb but feel like I am crashing down now. I have to go to work tuesday, wednesday and thursday after the scan. Emotionally, not sure how i will cope.

Petal thank you so much for sharing that with me. What painkillers did they give you? I am very glad the nurses were so nice to you. I feel like i have no right to mourn as there was never a baby to begin with and worrying how people will respond to me. My other half is being amazing but i don't want to keep breaking down in front of him, burdening him with my upset. Have they signed you off for work? Unfort where i work i don't get sick pay and my partner was recently made redundant so there's pressure on me to not take too much time off. It's so sad.

[Armadale]

Downstairs, I'm so sorry.

You have every right to mourn, and tears are good-just let them out.

Its rubbish for you that you have financial pressures as the same time.

The week's wait is usual- just to make absolutely sure it wasn't too soon to see anything- I know that doesn't make the week any easier.

I have had both ERPC and natural MC's.

The advantage, to me, of the ERPC is that it is a definite finishing point.

They don't put you out in the operating theatre, but in a little side room with nothing else in it, so you don't see any scary instruments or anything, just go to sleep and when you wake up it is all over.

I have mild bleeding like a light period for a few days after, and mild cramping but normally paracetamol works for this.

Natural MC's for me tend to be more physically painful and more difficult to deal with- I get sharp contraction like pains for a few hours and then a heavy period type pain for a few days and quite heavy bleeding. You can't use tampons because of the risk of infection, so you are really aware of the blood which can be hard. You also don't know when they are going to start happening, which I find quite difficult.

The disadvantage to me of the ERPC is that I have found it hard sometimes to accept it is all over- perhaps because it all happens when you go to sleep, whereas with a natural MC I somehow find it easier to get my head around, again, probably because I'm going through it. You also avoid the general anaesthetic, which I always worry about even though it is very very low risk.

So there are advantages and disadvantages of both, and only you know which is best for you. For me I tend to think the ERPC is less to deal with.

Hang in there.

[kilmuir]

I had a blighted ovum and decided to let nature deal with it. I am quite a private person and felt better in my home environment.
Sorry you are going through this, its a difficult decision but with same result.

[DownstairsMixUp]

I am going to opt for the ERPC, Armadale I think it will give me that closure I need, I'll know it's over then. I can't bear the thought of waiting for it to pass naturally, knowing it could be weeks and weeks. They did offer a tablet but I can't bear that and the sort of work I do is quite heaavy so would be stupid really.

Feel very emotional tonight, also have weird feelings I have let my partner down, still keep picturing his eyes filling with tears when we saw the empty sac. Hope this pain goes soon.

[petal86]

Sending big hugs to you downstairs!

They gave me normal paracetamol for the pain and I have continued taking them at home and they are doing the trick.

In terms of emotions, it sounds like we're singing from the same hymn sheet and believe me when I say you are not alone! I feel exactly the same; I have the image of a very empty sac imprinted in my mind and it's not an image I think will go any time soon. I feel like a fraud sometimes; was I really ever pregnant? Was there ever really a baby? Do I have the right to be upset if there was never anything there? I'm still having some of those feelings now, but I think it's ok to feel like this.

I agree with Armadale; don't be embarrassed about crying - when you feel you need to, go for it. It felt like a release for me and something I needed to do. Keep talking to your dp too, chances are you are feeling similar things. I was surprised yesterday when my dh told me he felt guilty that he had done this to me - bless him.

With regards to work, I teach, so it's currently still the holidays and although I am meant to be back in on Monday I have decided to go back when the children start again (Wednesday) and work have been fine with this. I am lucky that I have a couple of very close friends at work and they have been supportive so far and I know they will be there if and when I have a wobbly moment. Is there anyone at work you can confide in?

Now it's over, I am feeling more 'at peace' - for want of a better phrase. As you can tell I could talk for England!? :) But this has also helped me start to deal with it, I spoke to my lovely mum who went through the same thing at my age. It helped to know that what I was feeling was ok and 'normal'. I would also recommend the Miscarriage Association website which was very helpful too.

[DownstairsMixUp]

Thanks Petal for your words, it honestly helps more than i can explain.

Today has been ok, i have had the distraction of having my family come to see me which was lovely. I find evenings the hardest. I hate the fact i am carrying the sac still so i do understand what you mean. I feel having the erpc will let me draw a line under it and close this chapter of my life.

I will update here on thursday as i have to go in for a rescan sigh then they will discuss with me the tablet or surgery. Already know i want the surgery so just waiting for a date, I hope it's asap, have a terrible fear i will miscarry before then and i don't want that. Just want to go to sleep and all this nightmare to be over with.

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hi all,

Just a quick update and I'll update again tomorrow, hopefully it will be helpful to anyone who finds it who goes through similar.

Tomorrow is my ERPC, feeling very emotionally drained today, have tried to keep my mind off it baking with my boy, shopping, bus rides etc despite the dreary weather.

The second scan they did turn away the screen but I still found it awfully difficult, I'm hoping tomorrow draws a line under this all.

[Wantohope]

Good luck tomorrow, I hope you will wake up finding the closure you needed.
Think about your beautiful son and remember you are most fertile the first 3 months after this! I know it is horrible but it really is important in so many ways that you stay positive.
I have read thousands of posts of women that got pregnant very soon afterwards (no pressure there:)
But if you were to feel ready that soon, it would be a good time to try.

[petal86]

Thinking of you tomorrow!

I had mine a week and half ago, and whilst it was a very emotional day, looking back on it now I believe I made the right decision for me. It has helped me come to terms with what happened sooner, rather than having to wait for it to happen naturally.

I hope everything happens as well as it can for you and you can come home as soon as possible.

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hello wanttohope how are you feeling yourself? I am very tired at the moment but surprisingly OK. Thanks for your words x

Petal how are you recovering? Has the bleeding stopped?

It was a lot of waiting around and a very emotional day but I think it was the right choice for me. I'm having period pain and blood but nothing unbearable. It was all straight forward. Onwards and upwards ladies xx

[petal86]

Hey downstairs,

Glad you are doing ok. I had period type pains for about 24 hours after and then they stopped. I am still bleeding now, but only brown blood and I only need a panty liner. For me the heavier bleeding stopped after a few days.

What I have found most difficult to deal with was my emotions. One minute I would feel ok then I might burst into tears, feel really angry, sad, upset etc. Sometimes I felt my emotions just crept up on me when I wasn't looking!

I spoke to my mum(a nurse, as well as having been through this) about this and she said it was perfectly natural as your hormone levels are changing rapidly and you are still grieving. After that I just went with it - if I wanted to cry I did, if I was angry, I let myself be angry. I think it would have been worse if I had kept it all in.

My one piece of advice, is that when you feel physically fine (which should hopefully be soon) make sure you get out and doing something. Even if it's just walking down to the shops. I found that if I stayed at home too much I would start to mope and then I'd feel even worse!

[DownstairsMixUp]

Hii petal thanks for your reply, I am glad the bleeding has died down for you and just over a week to go to that lightness is good, will you start ttcing straight away?

I woke up today and hadn't filled a whole night time towel so not as bad as i was expecting and only dull aching, I'm going to the shops today then back to work tomorrow so FX life can return to normal!

[Benjamin1]

I was very sorry to read your stories .It's a very difficult time and i thought maybe if i shared my story it might help !? Firstly and really importantly I have to tell you i have enjoyed two very normal healthy pregnancies and I now have two beautiful boys ...however before that my first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage at 10 weeks, my second pregnancy resulted in another miscarriage as I suffered a blighted ovum.

Firstly you are absolutely right to grieve. I was one of the first of my friends to fall pregnant and we had decided to keep the news of the pregnancy to ourselves until after the 12 weeks scan. We had however decided to tell our parents only about 48 hours before I started to bleed. I spoke to no-one about our loss and my grief just felt all consuming. I felt very alone and I wish I had reached out to a friend but I didn't think anyone would really understand. You are doing the right thing talking about it !

I left work and got a cab to the hospital only to be told before my husband got there, that no heartbeat could be detected. As it was a bank holiday weekend and this was a Friday, I was told to come back on the Tuesday and that between now and then I would miscarry 'naturally'. This I was told was the best way .....I would then return on Tuesday for a second scan and at that time be booked in for d&c. That procedure was then carried out on the Wednesday.....this chain of events is still very clear in my mind.

I can honestly say 'miscarrying naturally' is not the way to go. Like another lady said push/iinsist that you are taken in immediately. There is no reason to wait, if the outcome has been confirmed. The pain can be bad and the bleeding difficult to control. There is no need to go through this, as I found out a few months later.

When I then went onto suffer a blighted ovum in my second pregnancy , I insisted on an early scan and then a d&c.

I fell pregnant quickly again ( third pregnancy)and everything was absolutely fine ! We were so thrilled but a little wary...I realise now from speaking to friends and friends of friends that a miscarriage happens to so many people.....and the majority of those people ( everyone I know ) have gone onto have healthy and normal pregnancies...you I'm sure, you will do too !

My boys are now 11 and 13 ! I will never forget and nor should I the two pregnancies that didn't go full term. I won't forget the terrible ache I had for months and the heartbreak it caused my husband and myself but you will get through it, you have fallen pregnant before and you will again...and like me, sometime very soon you will enjoy the joy of having a healthy beautiful baby. I wish you all the very best of the future and please ask me anything re my experiences. It really helps talking to others who have been through what you are going through now ....hearing about positive outcomes and success stories is a marvellous tonic !

[petal86]

Thank you so much Benjamin1, it's really reassuring to hear that other people who have gone through the same thing have gone on to have their own babies.

Gives me something to think about during the sad moments.

Downstairs, I'm glad your not bleeding too much and that your not feeling too uncomfortable. My husband wants to start trying again as soon as possible, although I'm not sure it's just because he wants us to get pregnant again!? :) Sometimes I want to try again and then sometimes the whole thing scares the hell out of me! Although I think we will start trying again as soon as I stop bleeding.

[DownstairsMixUp]

Thank you Benjamin what a lovely story! Much appreciated :)

Petal all I can say is do it when you feel ready. Is the bleeding spotting now or still full on period type blood? Mine has dissapeared but still cramping. My other half is like yours to keen to start asap but I am terrified of this happening again!