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MC after surprise pregnancy. I want another and dh doesn't...

(4 Posts)
Whatnameforme Tue 20-Aug-13 13:36:25

I'll try to keep it short, I have 3 DC's and we both decided the third was to be the final addition. I was on the poll, but still fell pregnant. Along with various other issues it was a miracle baby to say the least. We were both a bit shocked, but accepted and was very keen on our little surprise. A week after finding out I started to lose the baby. It took ten says to have it finally confirmed that the pregnancy was failing, hcg levels up and down, no cramps, very little bleeding? After that it took a further two weeks for it be finished and my hcg levels return to normal. I'm devastated to put it mildly! DH says he feels the same but is happy with the children we have... What do I do now? I don't want to give up, I would love another child and feel empty and cheated after losing the baby. Will my feelings change? Is it just my hormones talking? My head says no, but my heart says yes! Anyone....

HorryIsUpduffed Tue 20-Aug-13 13:50:28

I'm sorry to hear your sad news. How long ago did this happen?

I am told that women often experience a fertility boom after a mc (certainly this happened for me both times and I conceived very quickly) so you may well be having a weird rush of hormones preventing you from thinking straight. If you haven't had a chance to grieve, and had only had a week to go from "no more children" to "one more child" before the bleeding starting, you are probably still very muddled.

Why had you previously agreed on three? Three DC is my perfect size family to be honest (pg with DC3) so I can see many advantages over four or more. You also mention "various other issues". Can you get yourself back objectively to where you were before you conceived? Can you remember what the good reasons were? Maybe it's financial, or logistical, or medical.

Good luck whatever you decide. Be open with each other, and be kind to yourself.

Whatnameforme Tue 20-Aug-13 16:36:16

Thanks for replying. I am really hoping that this is just a temporary hormone rush.
I had bad PND with my two youngest, it was the first thing we discussed when I found out I was pregnant. I'd only just started to feel like myself when I found out I was pregnant. To then lose the baby, just seems to cruel! I know there is never a good time, but it does feel like someone is out to get me.
I guess the decision to have three was a bit of everything, financial, the time we get to spend with them and each other, dh's age, size of house.... oh the sensible list is endless.
I can't help but think that if I hadn't had PND then he would be more positive. I haven't said that to him, but I'm sure it's a factor.
Three was always fine before, now it just feels wrong. I know I shouldn't buy I can't help but be annoyed with him for not letting me? I know it's not like that really, I guess I'm just a bit all over the place! Sorry rambling again.

HorryIsUpduffed Tue 20-Aug-13 16:47:58

Rambling is quite natural, as are all your feelings.

Give yourself a couple of months to get your chemical balance back, then look at the sensible lists again.

Good luck xx

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