My brother has told me tonight that he and his wife are having a baby. It is due just a few weeks before my baby would have been due. Dh and I both have fertility problems. we've been trying for nearly 15months. finally got pregnant but unfortunately mc last week. it's still so raw. There's so many nasty thoughts and feelings I have and I don't know how to deal with them. I can't tell anyone because it sounds so awful and unreasonable.
I'm jealous and angry.
They have money and good jobs they love and a nice house, and now a baby. why do they get everything and we don't? It's not fair.
When I had the mc I thought maybe this is a sign that Im not good enough to have children.
I don't want to be an aunt and I don't care about their baby. I know that's awful to think and even worse to say but I don't want to see it or hear about it. Especially not from my mum, I can imagine her so happy and gushing about her grandchild. I dont want to hear it. I don't want to see scan pictures.
When I told my mum I was pregnant she was so excited she started knitting baby bootees. I imagine her picking up the bootees she started for my child and knitting them for my brother's child instead. I know this probably isn't true.
I don't want to see my sil again until I'm pregnant because all I will think is that my baby would have been that age.
I hate them both for being so happy and lucky. I never want to see either of them ever again.
I mc at 5+3 so my baby was just a speck without a heartbeat but it meant so much to me. I am not close to my brother but there's no bad feeling between us so Im surprised by my reaction. I know I'm overreacting and being completely unreasonable but I can't move on and I don't want anyone else to either.
I dont know what to do.
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Miscarriage/pregnancy loss
I need to say some things I can't say irl
23 replies
Trinpy · 29/06/2013 00:04
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